Page 54 of One More Yule Log
“Come on in, love.” He sighed, telling himself that he could do this. He wasn’t a bad guy.
“Wow.” Gray came right to him, dropping the bag on the counter before walking over to give him a hug. “You look like someone put you down, then kicked you.”
“I hurt Liv’s feelings, and I can’t fix it.” And that was it, wasn’t it? He didn’t want to hurt her, but… “Goddamn it!”
“Oh, man. Okay, come sit and tell me what happened while I put plates together.” Gray took his hand.
Ben explained about the venue, the party, the discussions he’d had with Jack and Liv both—Jesus, he just poured himself out to Gray like he had no filters. He just vomited out all this stress and pain, along with the shame. “I hate it, love. I hate that fucking business, and it was Dale’s whole life. He loved it so much and it supports us, and I hate it.”
Gray just sat there for a long moment, taking the time to think about it, which he appreciated. There was nothing but sympathy in those chip-of-granite eyes, so he wasn’t dreading what Gray might say.
“That sucks, babe. I mean, I know it’s a special night for you and Liv. I guess in the short-term, we’ve just got to figure out damage control, but in the long-term, I think it might be good to weigh how much you want to work for the business in the future.”
“I just…what else can I do? I’m not even qualified to do what I do, but I own the friggin’ business.” He sighed, head dropping. “All I ever wanted was to raise kids and take care of my man. That’s so stupid.”
“Stop it.” Gray did kind of snap now. “There’s nothing stupid about that. You not only wanted that, you thought you had found it, and you’re still mourning.”
Yeah, but was he mourning Dale or was he mourning what he’d lost when Dale died? It had been years—years since they’d lost Dale and longer still since he’d been anything to Dale but a caretaker, someone to care for him, to parent Liv. He’d done it willingly, and God knew he would do it again if he got the chance, but…
Ben shook his head. “I feel incredibly selfish.”
“I bet.” When he stared, Gray snorted. “I’m being sympathetic, butthead, not accusatory.”
“I feel like a whiny titty baby,” he confessed.
“That’s just guilt.” Gray chuckled at him when he huffed a little. “Seriously. When Alice got divorced, she spent two years freaking out that she was hurting her kid every time she turned around. You’re doing the best you can.” Gray started to put together those plates of chicken fingers, gravy, and fries.
“It is. I feel like…people would kill for my job, and I don’t want it.”
“What would happen if you didn’t do it?” Gray asked the question like it was the most normal thing in the world. “I mean, what’s the worst that can happen, babe?”
“I have no idea.” He’d never thought about it, to be honest, in anything more than a pipe dream way.
“Do you have enough put back to support the house and all? Or, if you have to hire someone to do part of your job, can you afford that?” Gray was very calm, very logical.
“I could…I don’t know. I don’t. I could talk to my lawyer, Anna. She’s been helping forever.” He was an idiot, no questions.
“Cool. See? That’s the beginning of a plan. Okay, let me see if I can get Liv out of the cave.”
“I’ll go down to the basement and shoot a game of pool if she needs to talk to you.”
“Okay, babe.” Gray tromped up the stairs, and Ben knew he was being a coward, but he drifted to the basement.
He just couldn’t take disappointing Liv anymore today.
6
“Kiddo?” Gray knocked on Liv’s door, hoping sheer politeness would get her to open the door. “It’s Gray.”
The door opened, Olivia’s dark eyes bloodshot and unhappy. “Hey.”
“Hey, kiddo. Want to come down and have chicken fingers and gravy with me?” He had a feeling Ben had indeed retreated to the basement.
“Did Daddy leave and not say goodbye?” She looked so hurt.
“He’s hiding in the basement, baby girl. He hates that he had to disappoint you. Want me to get him so we can all eat together?”
“I don’t know. I’m mad at him. I worked hard at the cake, Gray. We always celebrate the solstice!” It didn’t take anything for the tears to start up again.
