Page 53 of One More Yule Log
“Everything okay?” Gray asked.
“Yeah, I guess. I mean, not really.” He sighed.
“Oh, babe. What’s wrong?” Gray was all concern, but Ben wasn’t sure what he would say about the party.
“I rescheduled the party, but there’s a lot of complications.”Like I need your help, and babysitting.
“Should I pick up ‘lupper’ and come talk in person?” Perceptive Gray.
“Do you have time? Is it a problem?” Please. God yes.
“Not a problem at all. Cake is delivered. Alice is taking the cookies to the Layman party on her way home. What should I get?”
“Chicken strips and mashed potatoes?”
“Uh-oh. You’re in the doghouse, aren’t you?”
“I am. She’s mad, and she has a right to be, huh? I’ll tell you all about it.” Ben wanted a kiss first.
“I’ll bring chicken. Love you.”
“I love you, honey.”
He believed it, that Gray loved him, and that made things better. Even if Gray snarled at him for disappointing Liv, which was totally in his rights, since the Yule log was his baby, Ben thought Gray would stick around. That was… well, it helped a lot.
He needed to talk to his lover, figure out what to do, how to make this work long-term.
All of it. Not just him and Gray, but his damn life. He was losing parts of Liv’s childhood that he didn’t want to let slip away. He was unhappy. Mostly, he felt trapped.
Which was ridiculous, because he had a wonderful child, a new lover, a beautiful home. So it was all Jack’s fault.
Ben snorted, then moved to the kitchen to get plates and cups and stuff out. Maybe he would change into some sweats and a T-shirt, just be a schlub.
That was a perfect idea.
He headed upstairs, stripped down, and put on his favorite cozy fleece shirt and a pair of sweatpants from when he was a college student. Oh. So much better. Moose slippers came next, and he admired them as he walked back down to make himself a cup of tea. He loved oolong, and he hadn’t savored it lately. Not nearly enough.
He knocked on Liv’s door. “Would you like a cup of cocoa?”
“No, thank you.”
Goddamn it. “Gray’s bringing lunch. Chick—”
“I’m not hungry.”
He wanted to barge in there and tell her she wasn’t being fair, for heaven’s sake. She didn’t understand that he had responsibilities and commitments and no choices. But she was nine. And she was disappointed and angry, but she was being polite, so he didn’t. He just sighed and nodded. “I’ll holler up when he gets here, in case you change your mind.”
“Thank you.” So formal. A little watery, so she’d been crying.
He had a feeling she wouldn’t want to disappoint Gray, and Ben wasn’t above using that as a bit of blackmail.
He went downstairs and considered a beer instead of his tea, but it wasn’t five o’clock, and he didn’t want to be that father.
So Ben wandered, touching a picture of him and Dale and Liv up at a cabin they’d rented in Estes, then a dance trophy Liv had won. Life seemed so complicated, and Ben just kept trying to tell himself he was an idiot.
He had the perfect fucking life. What was wrong with him?
A knock finally sounded at the door, then Gray’s voice. “Babe? You in here? I brought food.”
