Page 83 of Doubts of the Egoist
Opening the door created a draft. The wind broke through the open window, tearing at the heavy curtains. Shafts of morning light cast orange streaks across the dark floor. Yellow glimmers, trapped in the crystal drops of the chandelier, fractured into tiny rainbows that danced in the mirrors, silver wolf pelt, and golden silk wallpaper. At the moment, Kuon would have much preferred that the usually gloomy room remain dark to better suit his mood.
Yugo’s movements were edged with impatience and an almost palpable need to escape as he approached the wardrobe. He tore at the buttons of his collar; they scattered across the floor.
“We need to talk now,” Kuon demanded, grabbing Yugo’s shoulder.
Yugo slapped Kuon’s hand away. Veins popped under his eyes, and the muscles in his jaw bulged, but he kept his eyes on the carved wood of the wardrobe. “Get lost before I break your neck. I can’t stand the sight of you right now.”
“I didn’t ask you to bring me here, but since you did, do not ignore me.” When Yugo once again withdrew from the conversation, Kuon lost his temper. “Look at me!”
“As you wish.” Yugo turned. The black oval stone on his ring glinted menacingly as his hand shot forward. His iron fingers closed around Kuon’s throat, driving nails into his windpipe. Cold gray eyes leveled him with a razor-sharp glare. The choke tightened. Kuon’s face flushed and tingled as the air in his throat was cut off.
Pure, raw hatred distorted Yugo’s features. Kuon had seen that expression long ago. His eyes, devoid of any hint of humanity, promised pain, devastation, and humiliation. He had to fight the urge to wrench free from Yugo’s grip. His veins throbbed from lack of oxygen, and tiny hairs raced up his body.
“Had enough of my attention yet?” came a low, snakelike hiss, carrying a harsh mix of tobacco and alcohol. “I wonder what I did wrong that you forgot how to fear and respect me. Shall I take a whip and remind you of your place?”
Fear is an amazing thing.Kuon gulped, stunned. He wasn’t sure if it was due to his blindness or Yugo’s behavior, but the dynamics of their relationship had erased all fear from his mind and memory, replacing it with something like the beginning of trust that Yugo would do no harm. But a few words were enough to change that.
A fragile orb of delusion burst, drenching him in cold, sticky fear from a distant past. It habitually sank its sharp talons into his soul, seizing control of his nervous system.
Disappointed, Kuon rasped in a constricted voice, “You can’t earn respect that way; only hate.”
Eyes in which hell lived scalded him with frost.
“Shut up, just shut up. I don’t want to hear a peep out of you. Do not provoke me. It’s in your best interests.”
Kuon sucked in a shuddering breath, trying to regain control of his stiff limbs. He didn’t want to be afraid of Yugo, not after everything that had happened between them. Swallowing hard against Yugo’s palm, he croaked, “No. Is Rick alive?”
The skin around Yugo’s eyes creased, and his hollow cheeks tightened. Peering into the bruised face, Kuon thought Yugo was about to hit him, since the telltale angry-red splotches bled through his skin.
Yugo studied him for a dozen heartbeats, exploring his face as if he saw it for the first time, then shoved Kuon away. Pain zapped through Kuon’s throat, where the brutal hand had held him. He stumbled backward, fighting the urge to rub the throbbing area, but on some subconscious level, his determination not to show Yugo his pain grew stronger. Yugo was a natural predator; fear and pain were his drugs. There was no way Kuon would feed him those. Not anymore.
“Worry about yourself. Have I been so kind to you that you have completely lost your shame, fear, and common sense? What do you think you are doing, strolling around naked, rubbing his marks in my face? Are you trying to insult me even more? Or are you determined to show your disgrace to the whole fucking world? If so, I can help you with that.”
“Was I supposed to just sit in the car like an abandoned dog and wait for you to bring me clothes?” Kuon growled. His battered ego demanded he shove back, but he wasn’t sure it was a good idea to start a fight before he learned anything.
“That would be the smartest thing you could do. Sit there and wait until I cool the fuck down!”
Maybe it would be, but Kuon didn’t want Yugo’s cold, calculated wrath. He hadn’t forgotten that Yugo’s well-considered, chilled revenge tasted like a bullwhip. Anger seemed like a better option, a more manageable one. “I’d fucking starve.”
“Then that’s what you should have done!” A jab to his shoulder sent Kuon stumbling back once more.
“For fuck’s sake, just tell me if he’s still alive!” Kuon shouted back, stabbing his fingers into his hair to avoid punching Yugo.
“Ah, so sweet of you to care about your lover.” Yugo tilted his head, his honeyed voice laced with blood-curdling undertones.
“Please, Yugo, just tell me.”
Yugo sneered, the corners of his mouth curling with disdain, “I haven’t checked, but if he is, it won’t be for long, so don’t get your hopes up.”
“This is stupid.” Kuon mindlessly rubbed his smarting shoulder, trying to process the absurdity of the situation. “You can’t do that.”
The room brimmed with darkness radiating from Yugo. The air grew dense and heavy, and the iridescent flares scattered about lost all saturation. Even Yugo’s rage solidified under this force, turning the liquid silver flames in his eyes into cold, soulless lead.
“I can, and I will. I made you a promise, and I intend to keep it. Anyone who touches you dies. The buck stops with you,” Yugo said calmly, as if he were talking about eggs for breakfast. “But don’t worry, if you behave, no one else will have to suffer.”
Yugo’s shirt strained over his shoulders as he pressed hisfist against the wardrobe and twisted his torso to meet Kuon’s gaze. He brought his face even closer, tilting his head so his eyes were uncomfortably perpendicular to Kuon’s.
Kuon pulled away but didn’t avert his gaze, finding it funny how quickly affection could turn to hostility. A week ago, they had been content in each other’s company. Now, they were at each other’s throats.
