Page 84 of Doubts of the Egoist
As if reading his thoughts, Yugo added, “I’m done playing nice. You don’t appreciate it, and it doesn’t suit me anyway. From now on, you will do as I say, without the right to refuse.”
Every word Yugo spoke irritated. To keep his fists from flying, he crossed his arms over his chest and scowled up from under his short eyelashes. “We tried that before. It didn’t work.”
“Because I forced you then. This time, you’ll want to stay even if I chase you away.”
Kuon tilted his head to level his eyes with Yugo’s. A skeptical smile stretched his lips as he jerked his chin up, silently asking the Black Duke to elaborate.
“This is what will happen. He will die, and you’ll never leave this mansion again. You will behave and obey without me having to force you. You will spread your legs whenever I want to fuck you, accept everything I do to you with gratitude, and if I want to use your mouth as a fucking urinal, you will swallow every drop and beg for more.” Yugo straightened up and now looked down at Kuon. “I will no longer treat you as someone special. Only my cock keeps me from smashing your skull against the wall. You’ll live as long as you turn me on, but the moment I lose interest, I’ll destroy you—if there’s anything left to destroy. It’s in your best interest to keep me satisfied and entertained for as long as possible.”
Kuon was so livid he had to laugh. “You are unbelievable. I’m not going to do any of that.”
A wrinkle creased Yugo’s brow and he nodded slowly. “You will, because if you try to leave or commit suicide, the woman dies, the girl dies, and even the dogs suffer a very long and painful death. If you try anything funny, I’ll unleash hell on them.Every day they will beg me to kill them. I’ll start by giving the girls to Rudolph. He has a special place for pretty things like them. The little one—Nelly, right?—oh, she will be especially popu—”
Kuon’s fist put an end to Yugo’s long monologue. His knuckles cracked as they came in contact with the side of Yugo’s chin. Teeth snapped shut, and raven hair splayed in the air as Yugo’s head whipped to the side.
“You twisted motherfucker, how could I forget how much I despise you?” Kuon threw another punch, worsening the bruise on Yugo’s cheekbone, conveying his anger with his fists. “I’m so sorry for hurting your fucking ego. If I’d known you’d be so obstinate, I would have slept with every member of your fucking organization just to watch you destroy it.”
With his forearm pressed to Kuon’s throat, Yugo slammed him against the wardrobe. A wave of heat seared Kuon’s cheek as a palm hit the hardwood. “Be careful what you wish for. I can easily pass you around. That will work just fine for me, too. Maybe I’ll do it one day.”
Yugo pulled away. Kuon struck again, but Yugo’s hand shot up and caught his fist an inch from his face. With a single flick of his wrist, Yugo twisted Kuon’s hand up and back. Kuon’s knees buckled, and he collapsed to the floor. The jacket, which served only as an illusion of protection, slid down, exposing his back.
“Things have changed. Do it again, and I’ll break your hand. Adapt or suffer the consequences. From now on, your mouth will only open when it is level with my fly. Remember that.”
Yugo’s icy fingers contrasted sharply with the heated dampness coiling in Kuon’s clenched fist. It was yet another reminder of how different they were. Yugo pressed on his knuckles, sending jolts of pain up Kuon’s forearm.
At that moment, the cognitive dissonance Kuon had been experiencing since Yugo woke him up at Rick’s place intensified. The part of him that had once been happy with Yugo still clung to the unfounded belief that the Black Duke wouldn’t be so cruel to him after all they had been through. That Yugo was merely angry, and after a few punches and a talk, even that anger would fade. But there was another part—the one that stored all the bad memories and was fully aware of what Yugo was capable of. It believed every word Yugo said and warned Kuon not to push his luck.
This conflict of perceptions about their relationship made his head burn. Kuon screwed up his eyes as another notion dawned on him. If Yugo was angry, he could have hit him like he always did. Kuon would have understood that, but instead Yugo used a humiliating, childish hold—the one preschoolers use to bully each other—to bring Kuon into a submissive pose. Just like that, he showed Kuon his place, revoked his privilege of fighting back, and denied him the right to blow off steam.
Funny… Things changed, yet somehow nothing changed.
In confusion, Kuon lowered his other fist. Even his shoulders drooped. Taking it as a defeat, Yugo let go of his hand.
Kuon didn’t know what he expected to see when he lookedup, but he only met a dark gleam in cold gray eyes.
“This conversation is over.”
“Yugo…” A backhanded slap snapped Kuon’s head to the side. Humiliating. Burning. Shameful.
“Be quiet. Don’t make me gag you.” Yugo’s eyes flayed Kuon alive as he looked him over; each flicker of his gaze was like a knife scratching his skin. The urge to strike again boiled beneath his olive skin, blood pumping through his muscles. But he only clenched his fists, refraining from raising his hand again.
Their glares clashed, striking sparks.
“To the bathroom, now. You reek of that dog a mile away. How can I fucking touch you when the sight of you makes me sick?” Yugo looked with disgust at the hand that had just held Kuon’s fist a moment ago, as if it were filthy, and he didn’t know whether to wash it or cut it off.
Kuon scoffed, trying to digest the insult, but it was no easier to swallow than a glowing ember. A confrontation was pointless now, and he didn’t want to lower himself to a petty quarrel with mutual insults. Everything was already clear. Words wouldn’t change anything, not now anyway, but the insult burned, burned, burned.
Jealousy and anger shattered the wall of his principles, already weakened by the insult. “Then don’t touch, at least not untilyouhave washed yourself.”
Kuon got to his feet, shoved Yugo out of the way, and strode toward the bathroom.
Peering into thedark eyes, where confusion morphed into disbelief, then understanding and disappointment, Yugo foughtthe urge to destroy. His self-control melted, trickling down his spine and evaporating, giving way to the red-hot rage.
To prevent Kuon from fighting, he’d forced him to his knees, but that had only whetted the cruel urge to ruin him completely. Maybe, washed in tears and blood, he would be clean again. Yugo wasn’t sure, but he wanted to mutilate Kuon’s body so that no one would ever look at him again without shuddering, and Kuon would once again belong to him and him alone. But it seemed that the more scars Kuon gained, the more unreachable he became.
Yugo loathed it, but more than that, he hated himself for still wanting Kuon.
Yet, he left.The impossible, unreal, and absurd thought sank in.He’s no longer mine.
