Page 38 of Obsession of the Egoist
“I didn’t mean to impose,” she said with an audible sigh. “I came to thank you. I thought that maybe you’re curious about the destiny of your corneas. If I were you, I would be wondering if my sacrifice was for nothing.”
Kuon folded his arms over his chest. His jaw clenched. Her words hit their mark. He had wondered about it more than once but wasn’t ready to admit it.
“I didn’t mean it like that.” She hastened to correct herself. “I just wanted to say that there is no sign of rejection so far. The doctors keep saying that nothing is written in stone, but I’m hopeful. If we’re lucky, her vision would soon restore.”
Voice brimming with hope, she kept talking about her daughter, and for a moment, Kuon wondered what was her agenda. She didn’t have to come.
“Who gave you my address?” Kuon interrupted her speech.
A long pause stretched in time, draining air from the room. Suffocating, he blew out a breath, ran his fingers through his hair, then got up. “Listen…”
“Doctor Klor.” Reluctance vibrated in her voice when she confessed. “Please don’t get mad. He couldn’t tell me ‘no’.”
“Why? What could you possibly want?” Kuon asked, facing the direction her voice came from.
“I wanted to ask you, why did you do this? You didn’t have to…”
“I don’t know. Now, please leave,” Kuon said, hoping his dry reply would repel the woman, and she would get the message. He had no desire to talk about his fears and insecurities, not with her anyway. He moved to the door to see her out when thin arms wrapped around his neck. A light kiss brushed against his cheek, then the woman pulled away. Kuon froze, not fully understanding what had happened.
“Thank you.” Her sweet breath touched his neck. “My name is Kristina. I’ll visit again.”
Her hand touched his, and he instinctively squeezed her palm, feeling its size and imagining her composition. Bony, soft, and frail, her long fingers suggested small, delicate build.
Squeezing his hand one more time, she let go, and the light steps distanced. The door closed and everything quieted.
“What the hell was that…?” Kuon mumbled, feeling dumb.
FOR MANY DAYS, EVERY CELLin Yugo’s body reeled, before he’d finally managed to calm down. The insulting words Kuon had thrown his way after their moment of intimacy demolished his self-control, making him see red. He wanted to kill Kuon on the spot, but something stopped him. He couldn’t say if it was the familiar twist of Kuon’s lips, his shaking fingers, or the thickening smell of fear. Maybe all together. Many times, Yugo had wanted to visit Kuon, but a mere memory made him see red again. The canceled surgery magnified his growing irritation.
The itch to see Kuon’s face and his splitting smile eventually brought Yugo to Rick’s apartment, but whenever he did, the wish to hurt Kuon returned, making his visits short and silent.
THOUGH KUON’S RELATIONSHIP WITH RICKnever developed, the atmosphere changed. Sticky, suffocating suspense hung in the air, and Kuon was glad they didn’t spend much time together anymore.
Rick’s behavior gradually altered. He didn’t press Kuon for a reply, but his body betrayed his anticipation. Every evening, when Kuon was listening to audiobooks, he would lay on the sofa, resting his head on Kuon’s lap. This subservient attitude, when Rick agreed to everything he said, weighed on Kuon. He understood that he had to give Rick a reply, but he didn’t have it. Searching his soul for answers, he didn’t know what he could offer. He didn’t have a foreseeable future, he couldn’t share his past, and his present was limited, boring. Even his sex drive barely existed anymore. He had nothing to offer Rick, and that didn’t feel fair.
Kristina became a frequent visitor. Feeling awkward at first, Kuon slowly grew used to her visits, and soon started anticipating them. Listening to her voice, he couldn’t help remembering how his life had been before Yugo. The fleeting kisses she greeted him with, reanimated in his mind the warmth of a woman’s body. Her frail build and thin limbs stirred his protective instincts. Thinking back, he realized how easy dating a woman had been. With a woman, he had always known where he stood and what his role had been. He hadn’t doubted himself or his future, trying to picture it all together. With a woman, he hadn’t questioned his manliness or needed to crush his pride.
Sometimes, Yugo stopped by. His visits were always short. They confused Kuon, made him uneasy. Yugo barely talked, never forced physical contact, and Kuon couldn’t help thinking that the man wasn’t over the cruel words he’d said after their moment of intimacy. Still, whenever Yugo came, Kuon felt his burning gaze, drenched with lust and shameless carnivorous hunger. It made Kuon feel naked, exposed from the inside out, and there was no escape from Yugo’s eyes. Kuon had to summon the shreds of his willpower to glue a mask of dispassion over his face.
Whenever Yugo looked at him this way, Kuon remembered the touch of his cool fingers and his bitter-sweet kisses. Afraid that his voice would betray his thoughts, Kuon kept silent, but that didn’t seem to bother Yugo… until today.
Rick left before dawn. Alone, Kuon yawned, wondering if he should sleep longer to take up some more time when the loud shrill of the doorbell abraded his sleepy nerves. Making his way to the corridor, he opened the door. The pressure, applied from the other side, forced Kuon to retreat as someone entered. The mix of spicy, woody fragrance and bitter tobacco hit his face. He didn’t argue against the intrusion. There was no point, as Yugo wouldn’t leave anyway.
“Why are you here?” choking the first sparks of excitement, Kuon grumbled, then slammed the door closed. His pride didn’t let him admit that Rick was right and he indeed grinned like an idiot every time Yugo visited. Not wanting to think about it, he shuffled to the kitchen and put the kettle on. Sleeping wasn’t an option anymore, but coffee still was.
“Get dressed.” Yugo’s uncompromising voice made Kuon fold his arms over his naked chest. “Come on, let’s take a ride.”
“I’m not going anywhere with you.” Kuon blew out a fake, irritated breath; his heart picked up a faster pace.
“Don’t be unreasonable.” Kuon lifted a brow, wondering if it was concern that vibrated in Yugo’s voice. “When was the last time you went out?”
“Who cares? I’m blind. I don’t care where I am.”
“You’re wasting my time. It wasn’t easy to clear my schedule, so you have a choice. Either you go with me, or I stay here all day, but I’m spending the day with you.” Lost for words, Kuon listened for heavy steps to cross the room. The sofa creaked under Yugo’s weight. “Wanna watch a movie?”
“Haaa…” Pressing his hands against the kitchen counter, Kuon wondered what Yugo’s agenda was. The thought of spending a whole day in a closed place together frayed his nerves.
No matter what his motivation is, nothing good will come of it. If he stays, who knows what might happen… If I go… Ugh, why do I have a feeling that I’ll regret either choice?Confused, he rubbed his temple, refusing to look at the man.
