Page 35 of Obsession of the Egoist
Kuon shrugged, dropped his chin, then lifted his face toward Yugo, as if he could see him. “She is scared of the dark.”
“What?” Yugo frowned. The meaning of the words eluded him, but Kuon’s serious tone, seeping under his skin, subdued his blood-thirst.
“She is only six, and she is scared of the dark,” Kuon repeated as if it was something obvious and only Yugo didn’t understand it.
Rick’s head jerked up, and Yugo instantly detested the eyes full of puppy loyalty. Rick’s wide palm landed on the top of Kuon’s, and Yugo clenched his teeth. He grew sick of this waiting game. All of his nature demanded he take what was his. To ignore Kuon’s stupid whims. To take him back where he belonged, where he didn’t have a choice to do stupid things. To shut him away from everyone, from everything. He took a step to the bench, wishing to do so, when a white dandelion seed, swirling in the air, landed on top of Kuon’s head. Ice speared his chest; Yugo halted. He watched the seed tremble in the wind then tear away, just like a fluffy snowflake. Yugo blinked the memory off, his voice lost the sharpness, when he asked, “What about you?”
“I am scared too…” Kuon whispered. Darkness swallowed Yugo’s soul. His chest clenched with the need to destroy, to kill.
“Idiot.” A single word left his lips; he turned around and stormed toward the parking lot before the wish to hurt Kuon overwhelmed him.
“YOU DON’T HAVE TO DOthis every time, you know? I can manage…” Kuon said, listening for the running water. The humidity changed as a hot wave washed over his face. The sound changed as well, and Kuon realized that Rick had adjusted the temperature.
“What if you slip?” Rick’s voice reached him from his left.
“I won’t.”
“Like the other time?”
“I only fell once. Since then, I’ve grown used to this place. I’ll be fine,” Kuon promised. His hands found the top button of his shirt as he started undressing.
“Come on, let me help.” Kuon flinched when unwelcomed fingers fumbled over his shirt, unbuttoning it. Stepping back, Kuon slapped Rick’s hands away.
“Stop it!” Kuon sounded sharper than he intended but could do nothing about it. Every time Rick helped him with a simple task, he felt worthless. At some point, his agitated feelings produced paranoia, making him guess if Rick even thought of him as an equal. “I can undress myself!”
“I know you can,” Rick easily agreed, trying to avoid the confrontation. The rustle, coming from Kuon’s right, suggested that the man had taken his usual spot on the floor.
A habitual nasty aftertaste flooded Kuon’s mouth. It appeared every time he couldn’t keep his temper on the leash and accept Rick’s help. Somewhere deep down, he understood that it was only his hypertrophied pride and built up complexes, but still, he failed to suppress them.
When the last piece of clothing dropped to the floor, he stretched out his arm. Spreading his fingers and feeling the air, he moved into the sound of running water.
“Kuon…” A worried voice came from his right.
“I’ll manage.”
“At least remove the bandage…” Rick rushed to his feet, or so Kuon thought, according to the rustle.
“I said, I’m fine,” Kuon snapped, for some reason remembering Yugo and his first reaction to his appearance. Even without seeing his cold, gray eyes he’d imagined disgust lurking behind them. Jerking his shoulder in rejection, Kuon added, “I’ll do it later...”
Step after step, he inched forward until his palm touched cold, slippery glass. Sliding his hand along, he found the edge, then lifted his foot to step over the shower curb he knew was there. He’d hit his toes against it way too many times already. Hot needles of water prickled his shoulders, washing away his tiredness. Cracking his neck, he pressed his palms against the tile wall and dipped his head, enjoying the powerful streams massaging his upper back. His bandages grew heavy and loosened, as water rushed down his face.
SITTING ON THE FLOOR,Rick watched Kuon lean his forearms against the wall. Never whitened, raised scars crisscrossed his strong yet powerless back. Every time Rick saw them, he fought back a desire to wrap his arms around Kuon’s torso and press the man into his chest. His fingers burned with a need to trace every red line someone else had left as if he could erase them from Kuon’s skin and memory.
‘Who left them? Who did it to you?’Many times Rick had asked those questions. Kuon had never answered, but that didn’t stop Rick from wondering.
A blind hand explored the wall and found the shower gel dispenser that stood on a small corner shelf. Pressing the pump, Kuon collected some chartreuse liquid into his palm, rubbed it over his neck. Soaping up, the foam rushed down his spine, then over his round buttocks. Rick’s pulse quickened as immense heat washed over him. Swallowing, he dropped his gaze to the floor.
Thank god he can’t see me…he thought, feeling a growing pressure in his jeans. To mute his arousal, he forced his thoughts away from Kuon’s ass, and they inevitably trailed back to his scars and Yugo. The way the man behaved and carried himself reeked of money, gunpowder, and blood.
No doubt, he’s Kuon’s first…Rick thought as he remembered the words Yugo had said in the park months ago.‘I will be the only man who ever touches you. If you know what’s good for you and the people around you, don’t ever forget it.’The thought stung. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t imagine Kuon dating such a man. He didn’t know Yugo well, but what he had seen left a bad aftertaste in his mouth.Why the fuck did he resurface again?
As soon as he opened his mouth to ask Kuon about Yugo, another memory wormed its way into his mind; the memory he had forgotten due to the anger and adrenaline overflow.‘What will you do, force me again? Go ahead. After all, you always take what you want…’Rick’s gaze shot up to Kuon’s back, his mind connecting the dots.
“Who did this to you?” he asked. Kuon’s hands froze over his chest.
“Did what?” Despite the casual tone, alertness squared Kuon’s shoulders.
“Those scars on your back, is it belting? Flogging?”
