Page 41 of Obsession of the Egoist
“What are you, blind?” The angry male voice kicked the remains of euphoria out of Kuon’s system. His heart thrumming in his throat, he pushed the door open and got out. Tremors settling into his fingertips, he opened his mouth to ease his breathing.
“Kuon,” Yugo approached.
“How could I fucking let you get me involved in something like this…” Kuon laughed, incredulous. “I must be out of my mind. Why do I always let you have your way?”
“Kuon…” Apology rippled through Yugo’s voice as his palm landed on Kuon’s shoulder.
“Save it.” Shifting left, Kuon slapped the hand away.
The buzzing of the field grew louder as the pause stretched.
“Get in the car,” Yugo said, his voice dry.
CHAPTER 11
TIME SLOWED, STRETCHED, AND DISTORTED.Kuon didn’t know where they were, nor how much time had passed since the accident as neither of them spoke. Sitting on the grass in the middle of nowhere, he tried to ground his jumpy thoughts as the events looped in his head. He wasn’t sure if he was mad with Yugo or with himself, or if he was even mad or disappointed. He couldn’t believe he’d gotten carried away with Yugo’s insane idea but, for a moment, he’d had fun. He’d felt alive.
It felt good…The corroding thought stained his mind.Submerged in Yugo’s voice, he’d felt safe as if nothing wrong could happen as long as he followed Yugo’s orders. The part of him questioned if it was the afterglow of Stockholm syndrome, or if it was his own reaction, but he couldn’t be certain of either.I enjoyed it.
Having the control, yet not having the control or responsibilities; letting himself drown in the adrenaline overflow felt amazing, and Kuon caught himself on the thought that he already missed the pulsing blood in his fingertips and the sound of Yugo’s voice.
I’m the worst.Fisting the grass, Kuon rested his forehead against his bent knees.Whenever I’m with him, my morality bends and twists. Am I this shallow?
“Stop thinking about it,” Yugo’s voice came from the ground, and Kuon wondered when he’d laid down. “Nothing happened.”
“We could have killed someone.” Kuon barely heard himself speak. Yugo hummed. A fleeting movement washed Kuon in a faint smell of cigarettes as Yugo ruffled his hair with his wide palm.
“We didn’t, so stop thinking about it.”
Kuon’s heel dug into the soil. Seeing no point in this conversation, he changed the topic. “Where are we? I thought we were going back…”
The crystal-clear air, rich with oxygen, didn’t taste like anything around the city. A brisk wind, sneaking under his clothes, chilled his sweat. Tugging the hoodie off, Kuon tossed it on the grass by his side, leaving him in only the wet t-shirt. The blazing sun instantly warmed his exposed skin.
“It’s a small farm not far from Wilhelmsburg, Lower Austria.”
“What are we doing here?” Kuon strained his ears. Birds chirped, the wind played with grass, and something wooden creaked in the distance.
“Nothing,” Yugo replied, then added in a weird tone, “I haven’t been here for ages, but nothing’s changed.”
Kuon had never heard such deep notes in Yugo’s voice before.
“For ages..?” Kuon frowned, realizing that despite the year that he’d spent with Yugo, he barely knew anything about him. He’d never asked Yugo about his past or his future. Now, when he thought about it, he didn’t even know the simple things. All he knew was his bad character and demanding touch. “Where are we?”
“This was my family safe house for generations. We used to come here to lick our wounds.”
“A family safe house? Yugo, you have a family?” The air shifted as soon as Kuon asked. Heavy and solid, the question walled up between them erasing the easiness.
“No. Only Mio.” Yugo got up. “I’m hungry. Don’t move, I’ll bring something.”
DROPPING TO HIS KNEES ON THE GRASSYugo placed a paper bag by his side, shoved a cup into Kuon’s hand before pouring some milk in. “They don’t have anything fancy, but everything is fresh.”
“What’s this?” Kuon craned his neck as the sun kissed the side of his throat.
“Milk.” Yugo’s gaze stuck on Kuon’s face. Even with bandages wrapped around his eyes and the horrible attitude, Kuon still attracted him. Many times Yugo had questioned what it was about Kuon that didn’t let him walk away, but he couldn’t find the answer. Though handsome, Kuon hadn’t been the most gorgeous man Yugo had fucked, and now, covered with all those scars, Yugo wasn’t sure if Kuon could be called attractive at all. Stubborn and willful, Kuon had irritated the hell out of him every time they met.Then why the fuck do I want him so bad?
“It’s sweet,” Kuon said, taking a sip. A few drops remained on his upper lip as he put the cup down and smiled. The urge to taste the sweetness of the milk from Kuon’s lips grew stronger; Yugo turned away and looked up. Watching the sky, he tried to imagine Kuon’s life during the past few years. Barracks, shitty food, narrow, uncomfortable bunks, gunshots in the middle of the night. He wanted to ask why Kuon went to Afghanistan when he had his freedom back. Why Kuon never used the money he gave him.
He didn’t, staying silent.
