Page 42 of Obsession of the Egoist
Obviously, Yugo knew what would be best for Kuon better than Kuon knew himself. Forcing him would be easy now; he just had to take him home and control his every action; limit Kuon’s world to his bedroom and the sounds of his voice. Embrace him every night until Kuon gave up resisting. This way, Kuon wouldn’t be able to do stupid things, things that endangered his life. He would have a warm bed, good food, the best medical attention, and Yugo’s arms holding him every night. Wouldn’t that be better?
A wry smile twisted his lips as he looked at Kuon.Why the fuck don’t I do it?Yugo couldn’t say.
Shoving his hand into the paper bag, he fished out the still-warm loaf of bread. Breaking it, he handed half to Kuon, then offered him some cheese. “Eat.”
The lowering sun glazed empty fields with orange as they ate in silence.
WARM LIPS TOUCHED THE BACKof Kuon’s palm. Startled, he dropped the unfinished bread, then fisted the grass under his hand. He didn’t hear Yugo move, and for a second, he felt disoriented. The warm tongue licked between his fingers before hot lips moved up. Nibbling a trail along his forearm, they brushed over his shoulder before nuzzling his neck.
“What are you doing?” Kuon breathed, unable to move. His heart halted when a warm tongue grazed his cheek. The smell of mown grass washed over him when the tongue lapped over his face again, and someone tugged at his bandage. “No, Yugo, stop!”
The bandage loosened, and something tepid and sticky dribbled down his face.
“Ugh! That’s gross!” Kuon threw his palms up and fumbled over something warm, soft, velvety. That didn’t feel like Yugo. A quiet, suppressed laughter reached him from his right, messing with his inner compass even more. Looking for the explanation, Kuon called, “Yugo?”
“Not quite…” The laughter grew louder. Listening to the merry, rollicking sounds, Kuon couldn’t help wondering what the hell was chewing on his bandage if Yugo sat by his other side? Fumbling up the soft texture, he found ears and pointy horns.
“What the..?”
“Relax, it’s just a cow.” Yugo couldn’t stop laughing. “It came to ask for bread.”
“A cow?” Releasing the horn, he found the ear and scratched behind it. The short, coarse fur tickled his palm. Kuon chuckled as the cow rubbed its muzzle against his face. It felt funny but smelled off, and Kuon pushed it back. “What color is it?”
“Black and white. She likes you,” Yugo mused, as the cow muzzled Kuon’s neck. Nibbling on his shirt, it started chewing on his hair.
“Oh, god. No, please, don’t do this…”
Yugo burst out laughing again, and Kuon pleaded, “Not funny! Help me get this thing away!” Kuon scrunched up his face as panic started taking over. His bandages soaked in saliva, threatening to come undone any moment. “Please, Yugo, get it off. I don’t have spare ones, and the saliva...”
The laughter died. Yugo jumped to his feet, and his knee brushed over Kuon’s arm as the man stepped over his torso. The tug on the bandage grew stronger, and soon the slobbered end slapped against the side of his face.
“Gross…” Kuon mumbled, wiping his face, trying to deal with the sticky bandage.
The leg retreated, instead, Yugo’s palm wrapped around his biceps. “Get up. Let’s go into the house. You can wash up there.”
Kuon got onto his feet, his chest bumping against Yugo’s arm.
“Kuon…” Yugo paused, and Kuon’s insides spasmed. He wasn’t sure what he was waiting for, but for some reason, his body tensed. “I wanted to kiss you, but fuck, you reek of cow spit.”
“Fuck off!” Hitting Yugo’s chest with his fist, Kuon stepped back. “I need to wash up.”
SITTING IN THE CAR,Kuon rubbed his cheek with the sleeve of his hoodie. Even after he’d spent twenty minutes in the bathroom, he still felt dirty. He wanted to take a shower and hide in the safety the bandages provided. Without them, he felt naked, exposed, vulnerable. The memory of Yugo’s first reaction to his eyes added to his anxiety. He wanted to go home, to hide from the bright sun and Yugo’s attention.
“Kuon…” The low, raspy baritone broke the silence. “Stay here with me.”
“Not funny.”
“We don’t have to go back. Not today, anyway.” The touch of Yugo’s fingers abraded the top of his palm. Kuon lowered his chin. “There is only a handful of people here. You don’t have to feel self-conscious. I told you, it’s my place. It’s well maintained.”
Imagination, spiraling out of control, provided Kuon with pictures. He imagined the coming evening, spent together in the same room. How Yugo would be studying his face with a mix of pity and disgust in his eyes.
If I stay, what would happen?
Yugo’s fingers resting on the top of his palm and the low notes in his voice were all the answers he needed. There would be sex and awkward moments where Yugo wouldn’t know where to look so the view of Kuon’s face wouldn’t ruin his erection. His caresses wouldn’t be demanding; they would be soothing, exuding sympathy.
A rush of insecurity made Kuon snatch his hand away and grab the drawstring of his hoodie. Biting his bottom lip, Kuon gave a slight headshake. “No.”
“Why?”
