Page 80 of Another Love, Another Time
“You saw what?” I question.
“The fear. You tried to hold my hand, but I couldn’t let you touch me. You lied straight to my face. I knew you were going to lie to me before you even opened your mouth. I asked you where you were, and you started to say you were in the bathroom. I couldn’t take it. I don’t know what happened to you, but my Auggie would have never lied to me.”
Hearing her call me her Auggie breaks and heals something in me. I was hers. Why couldn’t she see that? “Probably because she saw you kiss Melissa,” I answer my own question.
“After my dad dragged you out of my room, the last piece of me broke.” Her eyes start to water. “The things that used to be important to me before the attack no longer mattered. Playing softball. Going to college.” She looks out the window and then back at me. My heart is in my throat. “And you. I’m not trying to be mean. I’m telling you how I felt to help you understand. I felt helpless. Out of control. You broke me. We weren’t together, but above all else, you were supposed to be my friend. I couldn’t even believe that anymore.
“One night, I was thinking about what happened. Was there anything I could have done about it? To avoid being attacked. I didn’t have you to rely on, so that night, I made the decision I was going to join the Army. I wanted to become a badass so no one would ever be able to hurt me again.
“I talked to my dad about it. He tried to talk me out of it, but I was eighteen. He couldn’t do anything. He asked me to stay until I graduated from high school. He said he and Mom would like to at least see me walk. He also made me promise to get my four-year degree if I was going to join.
“I think it was fate because they had a class scheduled to start the day after my graduation. I walked for graduation. The recruiter picked me up, took some pictures with the family, and then I left. Nobody knew except for my dad. To say my mom was shocked was an understatement.” She goes to take another drink, but she realizes it’s empty.
“I’m going to get another cup. You want one?”
“No, thanks.”
She’s quiet while she fills up her cup and sits back down.
Chapter 24
River
I take a sip from my fresh cup of coffee and continue, “The first week of basic training was hard. I didn’t know anyone. I cried myself to sleep every night. My face was still a little messed up. Everyone assumed I was there by court order because I looked like I’d gotten into fights. I just let them think that. Everyone left me alone; I mean, I did look pretty scary.” I laugh a little.
“Week two was a little better. It was funny; I went to the Army to learn how to protect myself, and instead, they taught me how to lean on a team. I met Baxter when I was in basic training. At first, he was annoying: giving me shit about having a black eye, calling me Rhonda Rousey. “Rhondy” for short. Then, everyone started calling me that, even my drill sergeants.
“I tried to keep to myself, but he just kept chipping away at the walls I put up. One day, we were put in this team challenge: two males and two females. He was one of the males in my group. The challenge was a tower. The goal was to get all four team members to the top and then down again, working together as a team. We had to trust one another, to use only our team to get us from one level to another.”
I look at Auggie and then back down at my hands. “That was a hard exercise for me. I went to the Army so I would feel strong and independent, and then they were asking me to trust someone with my life. I didn’t know if I could trust anyone after the one person I trusted most had let me down.”
Auggie tries to interrupt, but I raise my hand. “Just let me get it out. I trusted you above everyone else, and when I needed you, you weren’t there; you were withher. You broke something in me. How could I trust these people I had just met?”
I pause, trying to gather my emotions. “Anyways, Baxter sensed my hesitancy, so without calling me out, he let me know that he would have my back, that I could trust him not to let me fall. The whole way up and back down, he let me know he’d be there. When I was safely back on the ground, I started to cry. He blocked me so no one could see what was going on. Once I pulled myself together, he acted like nothing happened.”
“So, he swooped in and took my place? And you thought, ‘Why don’t I just marry him?’” he retorts.
“Are you kidding me? Just let me finish,” I growl.
“That night, we had guard duty together. He told me he knew something happened, that he wouldn’t pressure me into talking about it, but that he was there if I needed someone to talk to. After that, we got closer. He was there when I needed someone to talk to. I eventually told him everything, including everything about you.”
“Oh, I bet he loved that,” he states sarcastically.
“Actually, he encouraged me to reach out to you.” He seems taken aback by that. I continue, “After basic training, I knew we were both headed to the same training facility. I met his family at basic training, and they reminded me of my family. We got closer during our training; he became someone I started to rely on, and vice versa, like it was fate that our first duty station was the same place. I was grateful because he was so outgoing, and he pulled me out of my comfort zone. He became my best friend.”
I look at Auggie and see the pain my words cause. I go on, “I needed him because I couldn’t have you in my life. I still blamed you. Then, my dad passed away.”
It’s still hard talking about my dad dying. I take a deep breath to steady myself. “Before I left for the funeral, Baxter encouraged me to reach out to you while I was back. I agreed it was time. I needed you.” I look up and hold his stare because I need him to see how painful this next part is for me. I can feel the tears coming. “Then, when I saw you and Melissa together, I knew I had lost you.” I barely get it out, saddened not only about my dad, but also the loss of Auggie.
“River,” he croaks out.
“No. Let me finish. I needed you to be there for me. I needed you, and you stood with her instead.” I give myself a minute and start again. He goes to reach for my hand, but I pull it back. I can't have him touching me right now.
“I couldn’t be around you,” I go on. “I loved you, but I couldn’t see you with her. When I got back, Baxter was there for me, but he had his own issues. His mom had lost her job, and she had to do something that paid less. It was barely enough to pay the bills. She had his siblings to take care of. He was already sending her money, but he couldn’t afford to send her any more.
“I had heard other soldiers getting married and getting paid extra for being away from their spouses. We had just received our orders to our next duty station, and we were going to different locations. I didn’t really have anything to lose. So, I suggested that we get married, and he could send the extra money to his mom. He was dead-set against it at first, but I wore him down. The next week, we got married, and I took his last name.”
“So what? You’re married, but…”
