Page 81 of Another Love, Another Time
“We are married, but in name only. He’s my best friend, my sounding board.”
“What?” He’s silent for a minute, clearly trying to process everything I just told him. His next question surprises me. “How long are you going to stay married?”
“That’s the thing. Baxter’s making enough now that he doesn’t need the extra money. His mom has also gotten a better job, so he doesn’t need to send her money anymore. When he comes to visit, we are finalizing our divorce.”
“Wow. That’s a lot. How do you feel about that?” he questions.
“It’s time. I’m good. I know he’s ready too. It’s going to be the most amicable divorce ever. You know how hard it is to explain to guys that you’re married, but you’re free to date?” I laugh.
“So, have you had any boyfriends?” he questions.
I scoff. “Boyfriends, no. Dating, yes. But between being deployed and trying to finish school, I didn’t have a lot of time to dedicate to anything else. I dated here and there. Messed around.” I shrug. “There was one guy who pursued me pretty hard, and I thought about using him to get over you. He was perfect, but I just couldn’t. He wanted to settle down and have a family, and I didn’t want that. At least, not with him. It wouldn’t have been fair to drag him into a relationship, knowing I couldn’t give him what he wanted.”
“What would he have wanted?” he asks.
I hesitate before whispering, “My heart.”
“Why not? Why couldn't you give it to him?”
I groan and lace my fingers behind my head. “Because as much as I wanted to hate you, I compared every guy to you, which only made me want to hate you more. I thought of you every day, and just when I thought I could go a day or two without thinking of you, something would remind me of you. It wasn’t fair, so I just stopped dating altogether. And then, I realized that I still loved you.
"Here's the thing, Auggie. I know I deserve better than what you gave me growing up. Even in our friendship, I was a better friend. But I still love you, and I hate myself for still wanting you. I tried to move on, and you were always at the back of my mind. I didn’t have to explore my feelings with anyone to know that, not like you did. But in the end, you didn’t fucking choose me.”
Before I even know what’s happening, his lips are on mine. At first, I want to push him away, but fuck Melissa.
I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but I need this, so I take it. Our tongues move in sync like we’ve been doing this all our lives. These last couple of months have been hell, not being able to kiss him like this.
I don’t want him to be with Melissa. I want him for myself, especially now that he knows the truth. I can feel his hand start to creep up under my shirt. I don’t want to stop at just this kiss, but I know I need to hear his side before we take it any further.
I slow down the kissing until our foreheads are the only thing touching, and we are breathing each other in.
Chapter 25
Auggie
Hearing how much it hurt for her to see me with Melissa kills me. Hearing that she was only married to help Baxter is a relief. Hearing she dated other assholes makes me green with envy. After what she saw, I don’t blame her for trying to move on. I’m glad she’s had someone to lean on, even though it couldn’t be me. I never thought that I would lose her. I took her for granted, and when I lost her, I lost a piece of myself.
I should not have kissed her, especially without her knowing my side, but all I can think about is her upcoming divorce. She’s. Getting. A. Divorce.
Something flickers to life in my heart, something I haven’t felt in a long time. Hope. I don’t want to tell River my side of the story. This little bit of happiness I’m feeling is going to be extinguished once I tell her everything, and the only person to blame is myself.
I understand she doesn’t like Melissa, but it’s hard for me to think of Melissa the same way River does. I’ve gotten to know her a lot better in the last five years. She’s someone who wouldn’t let me fail, even when I didn’t care if I failed myself. She was there for me when I needed someone. There were days I didn’t want to get up, and she made sure I did. I owe her everything for where I am now.
River clears her throat, bringing me out of my thoughts.
“Where do I start?” I question.
“At the beginning,” she answers.
I know what she means. I take a deep breath. “The night of prom, I wasn’t lying. The only person I wanted to be there with was you. While I was waiting after I took you to the bathroom, Melissa approached me. She said that she needed to talk to me for a minute. I didn’t see any harm in that, but I also didn’t want to upset you. I pulled her around the corner, close enough that I should be able to hear you come out of the bathroom. But when we got around the corner, she shocked me by confessing that she had loved me forever. She had finally realized that night that I would never give her a chance as long as you were in my life.”
River scoffs and mumbles, “She found a way to get me out of your life.”
I shake my head, unsure of what she means. “I knew she always had a crush on me, but I didn’t feel anything for her. Anyway, she said she understood if I didn’t return the feelings, but she did ask for one kiss just as a goodbye. She told me she would leave me alone afterward. It was just a kiss. I know this sounds like an excuse, but we were not together, so I figured it was okay. It didn’t mean anything to me.
“You said it was a hard no for you, but I thought in my stupid brain that it was harmless. She said she knew I belonged with you.” I can practically see the steam coming out of River’s ears. “Saying it out loud right now, I know how stupid that is, but I felt bad at the time.” I wince. “It was just a kiss. What harm could it really cause? And then, I could have the rest of my night with you. I know I was an idiot. Believe me, I’ve heard from Logan.”
I know I sound like an idiot. I can tell by the way that River is looking at me that, to her, it was not just a kiss. I can’t imagine what she was going through when she saw me kissing Melissa. I continue, “So, what you saw wasn’t us together or getting together. After we kissed, she asked me if anything had changedfor me. I told her that nothing had, and then we went our separate ways.
