Page 99 of Exile
"I love you as well, little killer. But hold onto that thought because you're going to tell us again when we see you soon."
Closing my eyes, I rest my head against Damon's chest. I need to remember this moment, savor it. Because in a few short hours, it's all over. And whatever happens next, I need to remember how they all feel, how they love me.
It's the only way I'm going to survive.
Chapter 36
Avery
The Ridgeview Valley Rehabilitation Home is worlds apart from Lilydale.
Our bus pulls up at the entrance, no one speaking a word as we stare out the window at our temporary new home. I hate being here already.
I remember I felt the same about Lilydale when I first arrived. The pristine white building had offered promises of healing, the roses a stark contrast in color as though we were meant to be mesmerized by its beauty. But inside was my own beginning of Hell. Except… it did save me. Just in a way no one saw coming.
Instantly, I feel the different vibes. The older beige building may not look as flashy, and the only floral additions appear to be neatly trimmed hedges along the front of the property, but the sickening feeling of dread comes from inside me.
A middle aged woman floats out the white front door, skipping down the steps in dark blue jeans and a white button-up blouse. When she reaches the doorway of the bus, the driver opens it, allowing her to step inside.
"Good morning, ladies," she says warmly with a bright smile. "I'm Dell, the manager of Ridgeview Valley Home. We're excited to have you here."
Despite her welcoming demeanor, which is a nice change from Whittingham, no one seems to share her sentiments. Why would we? Lilydale was the place we went to die—in every way possible. Now, we're left reeling, trying to adjust to new changes with no resolution in sight.
Who knows what will happen next? Maybe we'll be here forever, never to see our male friends and partners again. I refuse to live in a world without Theo, Damon, and Grey. All I can think about is where they are now. Maybe they are nearby, about to enter a new facility while our fates hang in limbo with someone else's decisions.
"Follow me, please," Dell says softly, jumping off the last step to the ground as people finally start descending from the bus.
I spare a quick glance toward Jillian, giving her a small sad smile as we join the line to exit.
The breeze is crisp and fresh once I step onto the gravel, finding myself in the center of the group as we huddle subconsciously together.
When everyone is off the bus, Dell climbs the steps of the building so everyone can see her. "I understand it must be incredibly overwhelming being here," she starts. "Especially after what you have been through. But please be rest assured we are here to help. We're a family at Ridgeview and here totake you under our wing. I know many of you are hoping for answers," she pauses, scanning our group. "And as soon as we have information, we will update you. In the meantime, our rehabilitation team is eager to meet you and help you get settled in."
We head inside slowly when she gestures for us to follow, a few people whispering among themselves. I stick close to Jillian, hoping the familiarity will keep my sanity in check.
Everything hurts. My heart, my body… but nothing more than my soul. It's as if it's missing three parts, no longer whole. But I promised them I'd be strong, promised that I'd get through this and see them again.
For a brief moment as I take in the high ceilings and warm brown tones of the foyer, I can't help but worry that maybe they will forget about me. What if they get out and I don't? What if they meet someone new and I become a fading memory—a ghost that reminds them of their worst nightmares?
Unlike the day I arrived at Lilydale, there's a dozen staff members waiting inside. They are all dressed casually like Dell, ranging in age with the same carefree smiles. Not a single expensive suit among them.
Dell grins at them, quickly whispering to a young man at the end of the line and taking a blue folder from his hands. She turns to us, flicking it open.
"We're a co-gender facility as well and encourage mingling. You'll be paired up with a bunkmate. We understandthat you likely have relationships with one another so we'll give you a few minutes to chat among yourselves and pair up if you'd like to be with anyone in particular. Once you have someone, come forward and we'll assign you a room. Each counselor here will take two pairs under their guidance and get you set up."
My eyes scan the line of staff, before catching Jillian's eye. She understands my silent question, giving a small nod.
"I can see you all have uniforms from Lilydale. Now, you are welcome to stay in them if you wish, however we believe in a more casual approach. If you would like a change of clothes, your assigned counselor will escort you to our Willowbrook Closet where you'll be able to pick out some new clothing which will be dropped to your room. We're very lucky to receive donations from the community and have quite a range. Hopefully everyone will find some pieces they enjoy."
I finger the bottom of my shorts, knowing immediately that I want to get these off my body. I don't even remember what my style was before I went to Lilydale, or if I even had one. But at this stage, I'd be happy wearing a trash bag if it meant getting rid of the gray, flimsy cotton. Judging by the expressions of the other patients, they agree.
Dell gives us a tight smile, sensing the tense atmosphere. "We have a camp-style buffet set up in our dining hall for you. Your counselor will let you know the times the dining hall is open and where you can obtain snacks from,but you're welcome to explore once you are settled in. We have recreational rooms, daily activities and optional hobby classes for you to enjoy. The only requirements are that you are to return to your rooms by 8 p.m. each night. The doors do lock after that to ensure the safety and wellbeing of all, but if you need anything, each room is fitted with a speaker and we have staff available around the clock. Now, take a moment to pair up then step forward."
A few people start to visibly relax, smiling with each other. But I quickly realize that they are the lucky ones. As I scan, I can't help but notice that the ones who lived the pain of Lilydale, like myself, Vivian, Eliana and Siobhan, we don't smile. We don't look excited.
Everything sounds like a dream. Even if you were to take Lilydale out of the equation, this is the type of place we should have been all along. Not prisoners, treated as less than because of our backgrounds. But even dreams can be disappointing.
As much as I hate to admit it, I'm still in Lilydale. Physically, I'm not. But every other single thing about me is. It's almost like a location version of Stockholm Syndrome.
