Page 194 of The Fall
“Are we talking practical or completely unrealistic?”
“Start unrealistic.”
“Antarctica,” I say without hesitation. “I want to see penguins in the wild.”
“Cold.” He’s smiling. “I’ll bring extra blankets.”
“Your turn.”
He thinks for a moment, free hand coming up to shade his eyes from the sun. “I want to swim with sharks. Somewhere warm, obviously. Maybe the Philippines.”
“From Antarctica to the tropics. Our travel budget’s going to be insane.”
“Worth it.” He tugs on my hand. “What else?”
I could list a hundred places, a thousand experiences, but right now, with him here and the ocean stretching endlessly before us, every dream feels secondary to this. The dock creaks beneath us as a gentle wave rocks against the pilings. “There are things I want that scare me,” I admit.
“Like what?”
My gaze drifts from his face to the endless meeting of sea and sky. How do I explain that the fear isn’t of shadows, but of the light? That this much happiness feels like a height from which I could fall.
“This,” I finally say, the word small against the sound of the surf. I look back at him, forcing myself to hold his stare. “Wanting this with you. All of it.” There it is, the most fragile part of me, laid bare on this sun-drenched dock.
He kisses my knuckles, and his gaze never leaves mine. This is more than bucket lists and dream destinations.
He’s quiet for so long I think he might not speak again, but when he does, his voice is low. “I talk to Cody sometimes. When I’m alone.”
The dock seems to still beneath us. Even the water goes quiet, as if the whole world is holding its breath.
“Some days I’m angry with him. Other days I tell him about a game or some stupid thing Hayes did. I ask him questions I know he can’t answer.”
I wait, giving him space to continue or stop. The afternoon air wraps around us, warm and forgiving.
“Do you think that’s weird?” he asks.
“No.”
“I told him about you.”
“Me?”
“He would have liked you.” Blair’s jaw works left and then right. “I think about that a lot,” he continues after a few breaths. “What Cody would say about everything. About me now. About us.”
“What do you think he’d say?”
Blair turns to me, the corner of his mouth lifting in a sad smile. “He’d tell me to stop being such a sap, for starters.” Helaughs, but it catches. “And he’d probably give me shit for how long it took me to figure things out with you.”
I smile at that, picturing a version of Cody I never knew, one who would tease his brother, who would’ve welcomed me.
Blair’s hand tightens around mine, and we breathe together—sunlight painting everything gold, the dock warm beneath us—until he lets out a slow breath and nudges my shoulder with his own. “What do you want to do with the rest of our day?”
I wag my eyebrows at him. “I’m open to suggestions.”
A playful glint appears in his eyes. “Well, I have an idea...” He stands, pulling me up with him.
I am ready, so ready, to fall back into bed with him. I want him constantly, ceaselessly, all the time. “Mysterious,” I say, following him. “I wonder where you’re taking me.”
“Trust me.”
