Page 143 of The Fall
He means it, every word. He’s not trying to hurt me or warn me off. He’s being a friend. A real one.
“It’s Thanksgiving. Let’s have a good time, eh? We’ll eat too much turkey, watch football, and Erin will get tipsy with the other wives. And if you need to GTFO, then I understand. That’s what I’m saying. That’s what I mean. I’m here. I understand.”
I nod, not trusting my voice.
“We okay?”
“Yeah.” I clear my throat. “We’re good.” He’s right; it’s Thanksgiving. I can do this. I have been doing this. People manage unrequited feelings every day.
Lily bursts out of the front door, bundled in her coat. “Mommy says we’re gonna be late!”
Hayes slaps the top of the Escalade. “Let’s get moving, then! Time to be thankful, eat too much, and root for a bunch of men smashing into each other with a ball.”
He grabs the foil trays from the hood, passing one to me. Our eyes meet over the aluminum edges.
“Daddy!” Lily’s voice cuts through the moment.
“Coming, princess!”
We pile into the front seats as Erin buckles Lily into her car seat. He claps me once on the shoulder like punctuation before he starts the engine. I stare out the window as we back out of the driveway. The neighborhood blurs past, houses decorated with pumpkins and early Christmas lights.
Each turn brings us nearer to Blair’s house. I focus on my breathing. In through my nose, out through my mouth. I wonder if it will look like what I imagined.
Erin catches my eye from the backseat. “You okay, Torey?”
I nod; what else am I supposed to do? Tell her we’re driving to the one person who makes me both whole and hollow? That I’m about to sit across a table from someone who doesn’t know he owns pieces of me?
“Here we are,” Hayes finally says.
Blair’s house sits at the end of the street on a wide canal, exactly as I pictured it, but real now. Cars already line the street. The whole team is coming over, and it looks like most of them are here. Hayes parks behind a silver Audi. “We made it,” he announces, like we’ve completed some epic journey instead of a twenty-minute drive across town.
I unbuckle my seatbelt but don’t move. Hayes opens the back door for Lily, lifting her out while she chatters. Erin slides out on the other side, smoothing her dress, checking her phone.
“You coming?” Hayes’s eyebrows draw together.
I nod and push the door open.
I’ve never been here before. That’s what I tell myself.
But I know which plant on Blair’s porch has the spare key tucked under it.
The front door stands open, voices spilling out onto the porch. I hesitate.
I have walked this house a thousand times in my dreams, and if I take one more step inside, I’ll know for certain if what I dreamed is real. Not that that proves anything; I could have put together an idea of Blair’s house from pictures or interviews or a dozen other things online.
Blair appears, welcoming us in. He hugs Erin tight, then takes the dishes she’s carrying. He’s wearing a dark-blue Henley with the sleeves pushed up to his elbows, showing off tan forearms roped with muscle. His hair is mussed like he’s been running his hands through it. There’s a smudge of flour on his cheek and a dish towel thrown over his shoulder.
“About time,” he says. “I was worried Ems would end up in Miami again.”
“One time,” Hayes protests, stepping past Blair. “And she was a newborn.”
“Kicks.” He smiles at me. “Glad you’re here.”
My world tilts dangerously. I inhale, trying to pull oxygen into lungs that refuse to expand.
“Come on in,” he says.
Each step feels like walking through a dream. The hallway opens exactly where I know it will. The light casts shadows where I expect them to fall. Our teammates are gathered aroundthe kitchen island, and past the kitchen, a wall of sliding glass doors open onto a sweeping lanai.
