Page 142 of The Fall
We’re supposed to already be on the way to Blair’s, but Erin and Lily are still inside, and Hayes just set the foil-covered trays of food we’re bringing on the Escalade’s hood. It smells like a setup.
It is. He braces his elbows on the hood and squints at the sky before he opens his mouth and says, “I’ve known Blair a long time.”
My heart trips over itself. I keep my face neutral, but my heart isn’t getting the message. “What do you mean?”
Hayes drums his fingers against the metal, the rhythm uneven. “I mean I’ve been watching him since we were rookies together.” His gaze slides to me, then back to the sky. “I like to think I know him decently well.”
“Ems—”
“You two have this energy. On the ice, off the ice…”
“We’re linemates,” I say. “We work well together.”
“Sure,” Hayes says. “That’s what I meant.” The sarcasm in his voice is thick enough to spread on toast. “Except I’ve been his linemate. Simmer’s been his linemate. Half the team has played with him at some point. And none of us—” He stops, searching for words. “None of us have what you two have.”
The foil on one of the dishes crinkles in the breeze. “Why are you telling me this?”
Hayes rolls his head toward me, and his eyes pierce me with a stare so sharp, so pointed.
“Am I that obvious?”
He huffs out a tiny laugh. “Only to someone paying attention,” he says. “And I do. Pay attention, I mean.” The corners of his mouth lift. “I also don’t think you’re gold-medal great at hiding your feelings?”
A flush crawls up my neck. My hands want something to do, anything but to simply stand here and let myself be seen through so easily.
Hayes’ voice softens. “It’s not a bad thing.”
Maybe it isn’t for him, but for me, every sharp edge and secret angle inside me is under a spotlight. “Does the team know?” I don’t want the answer, not really.
“That you’ve got feelings for him?” Hayes shrugs. “Can’t say.”
“And Blair?”
“Blair is...” He hesitates. “He’s never dated anyone. And I’m not being dramatic when I say never. He’s been on a couple first dates and a second once or twice. And I… I don’t even know if he’s into guys. I can’t say that he’snot‘cause I don’t know. I just?—”
“So whatareyou saying right now?” I ask, my voice sharper than I intend.
His mouth opens, closes, opens again. For someone who started this conversation with such confidence, he’s struggling now, and part of me wants to let him drown in it.
“I’m saying...” He runs a hand through his hair. “I’m saying Blair doesn’t let people close.” He pauses. “Except for you.”
What am I supposed to do with this information? Hope is dangerous, especially when it comes to Blair. “You’re reading too much into it.”
“Am I?”
“Yes. You are.” Anger flares. “What was your plan here? Corner me in your driveway and make me admit I have feelings for Blair? Then what? You said yourself, he doesn’t date. You don’t know if he’s interested in guys. So what is this?”
Hayes straightens. “I care about both of you.”
I breathe in through my nose, out through my mouth. “Well, thanks for the concern, but I’ve got it under control.” I don’t have anything under control. Not my feelings for Blair, not this conversation, not the way my heart races every time he looks at me. “I already know nothing is ever going to happen. But, hey, I appreciate the heads up about how much I suck at keeping shit locked down.”
“Blair would never make you feel bad about how you feel?—”
“Please,” I beg him. “Stop.”
The front door opens behind us, and Erin’s voice calls out that they’re ready.
Hayes exhales and hangs his head between his shoulders. “I was trying… I don’t know, I didn’t want you to feel alone. I wish I could help. I wish I could tell you to go after it and lay a fat one on him, but—” He looks almost as devastated as I feel. “I wanted to help, man. I’m sorry.”
