Page 28 of Gravity
“C'est vrai! You heard Coach Richelieu on the plane! You have seen me play. Ornotplay, as it is. I am fuckingeverythingup!”
“Then I’ll quit the team. I’ll leave. I'll leave today.”
“Quoi? Are you insane?Non!”
“Won't that help? This is all my fault, isn't it? This is all my fault, because of—because of what happened…” I trail off.
There are too many ways I can end that sentence.Because of how I pushed you away. Because of how I hurt you. Because I have no idea what to do now, but I know that I’ve hated every second that’s passed since I walked out of your hotel room.
Bryce skates in a tight loop on the ice, but he comes to a quick, sliding stop. He pushes his long fingers into his eyelids as he shakes his head. “Non, none of this is your fault, Hunter. It’s all mine. I’m the one who kissed you. I’m the one who fell for you. I’m the one who cannot get you out of my head.”
You’re not the only one, I want to say. But I don’t.
“After Vegas, before the trade… I was trying to forget you.” His voice is soft and sad, barely stretching across the ice from him to me. “I stopped watching your games. I was trying to put you out of my thoughts. Which—” he almost smiles “—is easier said than done. But now you arehere. You are in my thoughtsandright in front of me. You are in my dreamsandin the dressing room. I cannot escape you. Or what I feel about you.”
I shove my hands into the pocket of my hoodie.
“I think about you all the time. How we were on the ice together. How we were when we were hanging out. You remember, after the divisional round, when we drove into the desert under the stars… I was so happy that night.Mon Dieu, I almost kissed you then, but I was too terrified. If only I'd stayed afraid,non?”
He’s finally looking at me. For the first time in weeks, I can see his tumbled blue eyes. They’re filled with agony. Fracturing with anguish.
“Bryce, I’m sorry. I'm so sorry—”
“Ne me dis pas que tu es désolé. You have nothing to apologize for.Rien du tout.”
“But—”
“It is all on me. I fucked up. I am still fucking up. And now you come here and you say you will quit?Non,non,mon Dieu,non.Calisse, will I destroy everything I have touched? My life, my team, and nowyourlife?”
“You haven't destroyed my life—”
“You should be living on the beach, with your sun and your surfboard. You should play in the NHL for fifteen more years. You should win the Stanley Cup every season. You aremerveilleux, but here I am, dragging you down.”
“You're not—”
“Who asked you if you wanted to come to Montréal, eh?”
“No one. But I don't mind the trade. That's not what—”
“You just offered to quit!” Bryce spins away, cursing a stream of French too fast and bitter for me to understand. He shakes his head, then drops his chin to his chest. “I should be the one to quit. Me,moi. And if I were less of a coward, I would. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but that seems to be all I have done since we met.Tabernak.”
My thoughts won’t line up, won’t make sense. Heishurting me, but not because of the trade, or because I'm not surfing anymore. He's hurting me because…
“I miss you,” I blurt out.
Bryce stills. His shattered blue eyes lock on to mine.
“That weekend was—”Indescribable.“I know we only had a few days together, but it felt like I’d known you for years. And not because you were my hero or because I’d watched you play since I was a teenager, but because… because we just fit together. I’m sure you’ve noticed I’m not great with people. But I felt great withyou.”
Silence builds, broken only by his harsh and uneven breaths.
He gnaws on his lip as our stare holds, holds, holds. “Tu me manques tellement,” he finally breathes. “I miss yousomuch.”
I swallow. “How do we fix this? I’ll do whatever it takes, but we have to dosomething. You can’t keep going like this, and I don’t want…” I shake my head.I don’t want to be without you.“I don’t want this distance,” I say instead.
“Calisse… I cannot breathe, Hunter. I'm drowning. I feel like I'm screaming underwater and there's no one around to pull me to shore.”
I take a step toward him. “I'm here. And I'll do whatever it takes. Look, we have two days off. Is there something we can do? Somewhere we can go?”
