Page 64 of Gravity
Everyone gets a moment with the phone. MacKenzie blows Bryce another obnoxious kiss. Slava harrumphs. Janne waves. Valery salutes and says, “Segodnya dlya tebya, nasha zvezda.”
After everyone, I get my phone back, and I blow Bryce a kiss that he catches in his hand and holds to his heart. “Je t'aime, mon amour,” I say. “We'll be there right after the game ends.” He nods, and he presses his fingers to his lips and then to the screen before ending the call.
Across the dressing room, MacKenzie has gathered the tape he and the others threw at my phone and is piling it on Bryce's empty bench seat. Valery takes one of the warmup pucks we used and sets it next to MacKenzie's tape. At the end of the game, we'll lay each of the pucks from the goals we score on Bryce's seat, too, and when he returns, he’ll find our monument to him.
Finally, we pull on our game sweaters. We kept them off for the video call so Bryce wouldn't see what we've done until we skate out for the anthem and the puck drop. Every one of our names has been removed. We got permission from the league to replace each of our name tapes withMichel. Our sweater numbers are our own, but tonight, we skate for Bryce.
Four minutes until the anthem begins. My phone buzzes. Bryce has texted.
Bryce:Mon amour,it's agonizing to be here while you are there. I want to be by your side every moment of our lives. I wish I could place my heart and soul in your hands and live forever as close to you as I can be.
We've switched to mostly texting to talk to each other because it's easier for him to type than to scribble on a clipboard. We have a team group chat now, too, and it's a constant barrage of jokes, hyperbole, hockey stats, and memes. Bryce loves it.
Me: You are with me each and every moment. My heart is in your hands. My heart, my life, my everything. Put your hand on your own heart,mon amour, and you'll feel mine beating next to yours.
I scroll up to the text I sent him after his second surgery and reread what I wrote.
Me:I'm watching you sleep and holding your hand. My fingers are on your pulse, and I'm watching your chest rise and fall. Bryce, I have never in my life been as terrified as I was yesterday. I thought you died in my arms, and my biggest regret was that I hadn't told I loved you yet. So I'm going to tell you every day now: I love you. I love you, and I want everything with you. I love you. I love you. I love you.
He'd cried when he found it. I told him not to worry about responding, that he didn't need to say anything. “I just needed to tell you,” I'd said. “You needed to know. But you don't have to say anything back.”
This morning, I woke up to a text from him.
Bryce:Mon amour, my memories of what happened are fragmented. I remember the shot and choosing to block it. Skating in front of the puck. Then it's colours. Shouts. Everything seemed like it was happening underwater. I couldn't breathe. I was so afraid. Then I heard your voice, and I heard you say, ‘I love you,’ and, somehow, I could breathe again. Barely, like I was trying to suck oxygen out of bubbles under the ocean, but I could. The world came back, and I saw your face. I heard you say it again. ‘I love you, Bryce.' That's all I remember, until I woke up with you sleeping on my thigh in this hospital bed. At the darkest, most petrifying moment of my life, you were there. You have always been there.Tu es la lumière de ma vie. Tu es l’homme de mes rêves, de ma vie. Tu es tout pour moi.
I have something I need to say to you, but I want to say it. So as soon as I am able to speak again, I will. I'll hold your hand and I'll look you in the eye, and I'll tell you. Because I do, Hunter. I do, more than anything. More than everything.
Now, he's sent another text.
Bryce:Tu fais partie de moi.
You are a part of me.
I smile.
Me:Je suis à toi. Je t'aime de tout mon coeur.
My French is getting stronger. Of course, I'm teaching myself the romantic phrases first. How do you say “I am yours” in French? Or “I love you with all of my heart”? Now I know.
Coach Richelieu strides into the dressing room. “All right, everybody ready?”
We clap and cheer, and then come together in front of Bryce's empty seat. Everyone puts a hand in, and Coach says, simply, “For Bunny.”
* * *
The only thingOttawa has to decide is how they want to lose.
We score in under a minute, charging into their zone and cycling the puck so fast it makes the Ottawa players dizzy. The game is under our control from that moment on.
I have moved into Bryce's position. He is a forward and I am a defenseman, and usually the two positions are not interchangeable. But this is the Étoiles, and on this team, we are everything to everyone. He plays a defensive center-forward, and I play an offensive defenseman. Janne and Karel fill in where Etienne and I usually play. For tonight, their job is to pin Ottawa at the red line and keep the gameplay on only Ottawa's half of the ice.
They succeed. By the end of the second period, MacKenzie has two goals and Slava has one. Like Bryce does, I have assisted on all of them.
There are times when I am on the ice—when I am skating hard for the puck, setting up my teammates for a pass, or creating angles and openings through Ottawa's defense—where I feel as if Bryce is with me. No, more than with me. As if I am thinking thoughts that he would or listening to him whisper words that resonate inside my bones. I am not this good on my own, but anyone watching tonight will think I'm amazing. No, this is not me. This is the river. This is the soul of hockey. This is meandBryce. He's with me because he's a part of me.
During the second intermission, Etienne video-calls, and we chat with him and Bryce while we chug Gatorade and adjust our tape. All too soon, we have to hang up, but we promise to see them both in less than an hour.
Nine minutes later, MacKenzie gets his third goal and completes his hat trick. Ottawa gives up. They run out the clock to end the game as painlessly as possible. We have already beat them both on the ice and in their minds. This series is ours, and when we go to Ottawa for the next two games, we'll beat them again on their home ice and sweep the series.
