Page 38 of Never Stay Gone
Dakota wiped his cheeks with the back of his hand. Damn it, they were right on Main. If anyone looked at them, they’d know Shane was ripping Dakota’s heart out. He grabbed his backpack and shoved open the passenger door. “I gave you that ring to keep. I thought you were gonna keep it forever.”
I thought you were gonna keep me forever.
He waited. For Shane to say something. Do something. Tell him to stay, tell him he was sorry, tell him, for the first time, that he loved Dakota too.
Shane stared at the center of his steering wheel and did nothing.
Dakota shook his head and slammed the truck door. He slung his backpack over his shoulder and started walking. He couldn’t stop the flood of his tears, couldn’t wipe them away before they fell. He let them go, let his sobs roll as his heart broke all the way through, deep, hard fractures that went down to his soul.
An hour ago he’d had the future of his dreams, the future Natalie Maines crooned to her lover for. “Cowboy Take Me Away,” except he was trying to be the cowboy, trying to take care of his love, but his love—
Well, Shane had never really loved him at all, had he?
He could barely put one foot in front of the other. Barely drag in his next breath. He’d never imagined he and Shane would break up. It was impossible. HelovedShane, and Shane—
Was everything they’d shared just a phase for Shane?We’re just kids.Had Dakota been nothing more than an easy way to get off? Was it less work to sleep with a teammate than keep a girlfriend happy? God, how stupid had Dakota been?
And why couldn’t he be angry?
Why couldn’t he stop loving Shane, even a little bit?
He had to get out of town. Now. He could go to the truck stop, hitch a ride. He could call his parents from there and say goodbye. They were already packing, already headed out of town themselves. He’d told them he had his own plans after graduation, and they had accepted that he and they were going their separate ways. They were looking ahead to their lives without the responsibility of a child, and he’d been looking forward to his life with Shane.
There wasn’t going to be a life with Shane.
This was the end.
Dakota put one foot down. Lifted the other. Set it down in front of him. If he stopped, he’d lie down and never get up again.Shane. I love you.
He heard a truck roar down Main Street, driving away from him.
I will always love you.
* * *
“Dakota?”
Dakota jerked, sidestepping out of his memories as the truck pulled to a stop beside him. The past and the present swirled into a haze inside him. Desert willow blooms were on the ground again, and the smell of summer was on the wind. Tears were in his eyes and his heart was breaking as he walked away from Shane.
But that wasn’t Shane in the truck. Heath hung his wrist over his steering wheel and gave Dakota a small, sad smile. “You look like hell. Hop in. I’ll drive you wherever you’re going.”
He sighed as he clambered inside. Unlike Shane’s, which was comfortably lived in, with dust on the floorboards and the dash, granola bar wrappers in the cup holders, and Gatorade bottles shoved in the door, Heath’s truck was spotless. Immaculate. He had a shotgun racked behind him and a gun case bolted to the passenger footwell.
“Where to?” Heath asked.
Dakota should go back to the sheriff’s department. He had a dozen phone calls to make. Had to call Chief Ranger Skidmore and give him an update. Technically, Skidmore was supposed to update the governor, but Dakota supposed, since Wayne and Amanda had personally sent him out there, he should call them himself and let them know what he’d found out so far.
All he’d found, though, was that he was a goddamn dumbass, in love with the wrong man. Still. Forever. How many times was he going to rip himself in half over Shane Carson?
Going back to the office would mean he might run into Shane, and if he saw Shane before he managed to shore up his heart again, he might break for good.
“I gotta call half the world.” He listed them all, starting with Bennet in Company E. Odessa police, to run down that APB on Frank Lynn. Chief Ranger Skidmore and his update to Wayne, and then Dr. Trevino, to see if there was an update on the Jane Does. Not that he expected anything. Not until morning, Dr. Trevino had said.
“I can do all that for you,” Heath said gently. “I can make those calls tonight. Shane gave me an update a little bit ago. Why don’t I take you back to your motel and you can fill me in on the rest. You look like you could use a break.”
Dakota ran his tongue over his lower lip. Gnawed on the inside of his cheek and tried to stop the tears from forming. He cleared his throat. “I’m goddamn exhausted.”
He was exhausted from being in love with the wrong man. Exhausted from yearning for what he could never have: Shane’s love, or Shane’s touch, or even Shane’s kindness again. Shane was so goddamn kind to everyone all day. Jackson. Joey. But not Dakota. Never Dakota again.
