Page 98 of The Quarterback
“I always will.”
He just loved Nick more. And now that he’d felt what life was like with that one special person, he knew he needed that. Not the crowds, not the fame. Not a million people who didn’t know him.
One person who loved him.
Apparently done with their heart to heart, their little moment, Clarence squeezed Colton’s shoulder and said, “I’ll see you tomorrow, Coach,” before striding out of the alley with his hands shoved into his pockets. Colton sagged against the bricks as he watched him go.
I found someone I loved more than football.
What he’d said to Justin and Wes in anger and agony came back to him.I wish I didn’t love him. I wish I could close my eyes and forget about him, like he’s forgotten about me.
If he could go back in time and stop himself from kissing Nick… would he? Would he trade every moment they’d shared to be back on the field? If the cost was losing what they’d had, would he give up all their days and nights to suit up in his pads again?
No.
He’d never trade away the taste of Nick’s kiss, or the happiness he’d found with Nick, even if that happiness was only for this summer.
He followed Clarence out of the alley but turned back toward the jock house instead of heading for a bar. One a.m. pressed on him, the last hour of another wild night in a college town. He could hear live music pulsing from the open doors of the bars, mingling with laughter and cheers and roaring applause. Life, and other people’s happiness, filling the air. He kept walking.
Might as well go all the way to the stadium and get his truck. Head back to the motel. He needed time alone. Time to stare at the night and get lost in his memories again. Time to brood, and regret, and wish it was all still happening. That he still had Nick in his arms.
He heard an engine roaring a few streets away. It reminded him of the throaty growl of Nick’s Porsche, especially when he opened it up on the highways. Like when they’d driven up to Dallas or come back from Houston. Or when Colton had taken the wheel and driven Nick out to wine country. Nick had fallen asleep in the passenger seat, and if Colton had been a braver man then, he would have taken Nick’s hand. Maybe they would have had more time together if he’d been bolder sooner.
Tires squealed. He squinted as low headlights swung up the leafy West Campus block he was walking down. Some college kids, driving home a little too wildly? He heard brakes hit hard as an engine dropped out of gear and into neutral. Burning rubber stung his nose. The car was low-slung. Wide wheels. Arched headlights. He turned away. It was too much like—
“Colton!”
He froze like he was caught in a lion’s gaze as a man tore out of the car and left it idling in the middle of the road. Footsteps pounded on pavement. “Colton,” the voice called again, catching in the middle. Fracturing.
In his dreams, he was always running to Nick. Running across the field, or running to catch up to him, or, recently, running to chase him as he slipped away. Always, always him running to Nick, but at one a.m. in the middle of a dark street, Nick ran to him.
He wrapped Colton in his arms, crushing him to his chest—is this real, is this really happening—his lips dancing over Colton’s jaw and his eyelids and the corner of his lips. Nick’s hands were everywhere, running up and over Colton’s arms, down his back, into Colton’s hands as he grabbed on.
“Colton,” Nick pressed their foreheads together, his quivering breath trembling over Colton’s parted lips.
His ears were ringing, and static filled the edges of his vision. The world narrowed to a pinprick. To Nick, standing in front of him, holding him and whispering his name, like he’d begged and pleaded and cried for, every night they’d been apart.
“I love you,” Nick breathed. “Colton, I love you.” His hands were shaking, and he held on to Colton like he thought Colton was going to vanish. His eyes were wide, panicked, all of him vibrating with a fear Colton had never seen in him before. “I fell in love with you so hard it scared me. I didn’t think there was any way you could love me back, not with everything you have in your life. So I tried not to let myself dream of things that would never happen.” His voice broke. “But I can’t stop. I can’t stop loving you. It’s probably impossible, but I have to tell you. I can’t go another day like this. I can’t not tell you that I love you. God, Colton, I love you, and I never want you to leave. I want to be with you, however we can. Whatever that looks like. I’ll do anything.”
“Nick—”
“I’ve been looking for you. Justin said you were at the jock house, but when I got there, no one knew where you were. I woke Wes up, and he said you’d left and that you were staying in a motel somewhere. I drove out on the highway like I could find which one you were at by feel, but—” He shook his head. “I was coming back to the stadium to wait for you. I was going to wait all night, all day. I didn’t care how long it took. I needed to see you again. I needed to tell you the truth: I love you, Colton. And I miss you so damn much.”
He could feel Nick’s heart pounding against his own chest. Could see the flutter of his pulse in his neck. He smelled Irish Spring and felt the tiny scar on Nick’s left index finger, something he said he’d gotten working on his car’s engine years ago. Colton’s dreams were vivid, but never this vivid, and he’d always woken up wanting more, yearning for the reality he didn’t have. What world was this, where Nick ran to him and whispered everything Colton wanted to hear?
“Maybe I’m too late.” Nick’s voice broke on a strangled cry. “I get it. I understand if I’m not your choice, Colton. I never imagined I could compare to your future. Why would you want me when you have the whole world at your fingertips?”
Colton shook his head. “I didn’t want the rest of the world, Nick. I only wantedourworld.”
“I want that world, too. I want forever with you.” Nick brushed his nose against Colton’s. Their lips were so close, so fucking close. They were almost kissing, right there on the street. “I love you, and I’ll never stop loving you. I tried not to fall for you, and I fell harder. I tried not to love you, and I tore my own heart out pushing you away. I tried to let you go, and it’s felt like I’ve died a thousand times each day that you’ve been gone—”
Colton crushed his lips to Nick’s as he wrapped him in his arms. Nick clung to him, their bodies aligning and finding all the ways they fit so perfectly together, like they were made for each other: Nick’s body and his, Nick’s heart and his, Nick filling up the empty spaces in his soul like he’d filled up the empty spaces in Nick’s.
Something invisible connected them, a tie that ran from his heart to Nick’s and back. It was battered and frayed now, but still there. Still strong.
“Nick,” he breathed as their lips parted. He pressed their cheeks together and sank his fingers into the hair at the back of Nick’s head. “I love you, too.”
He kissed Nick on the sidewalk, beneath the glow of the stadium and the lights of the city, as Nick’s car idled in the middle of the road, and time spun on and on. The agony of the past two weeks faded, burned away as he held the man he loved and as he was held in return.
