Page 1 of Ascendent
Prologue
Moscow
The Morning After the Heroes Ball
“I wantyou to come home! I don’t want you to go anywhere!” Sergey’s gaze bored into Sasha’s.
After everything, this was how it ended? He’d thought Sasha would be by his side forever. After Moroshkin’s coup, and their insurgency to retake Russia. After their first terrible kiss, and after Sasha had flown off from Volga, and his own heart had ripped in two when he thought Sasha was dead, was gone, and he’d been far too late to kiss Sasha back.
After theUSS Honoluluand the Arctic and finally finding each other. After theI love you.
He’d thought—
But, Sasha had run.
From him. Fromthem.
This was his final goodbye: setting Sasha back on the path to his dreams.I wanted to be an astronaut, Sasha had choked out one night, months and months ago. Half-dead, the only sounds his hiccupping, bitten-off tears and the steady beep of his heart monitor.I wanted to be an astronaut.
But, Sasha’s wing mates had found out about him, his secret. His sexuality. They’d left him for dead in the snow, and, if Sergey believed in destiny and fate and paths in life, he’d have thought there was something special about Sasha making his way to the Kremlin for what he’d thought was his last, dying act. He’d have thought there was something monumental, something meaningful, in his rescuing Sasha. In their meeting.
But there wasn’t. They were two ships passing in the night, two stars winking at each other from opposite horizons. He was setting. Sasha was ascendent.
“I applied to NASA for you,” Sergey said slowly. His voice was on the verge of shattering.Do you hear me say goodbye? Do you hear me say I love you?“I applied for you because I want you to be happy. I thought, once, that I would be a part of that.”
He could never read Sasha, never. He’d thought NASA, Sasha’s dream, would make him smile. But Sasha looked like Sergey had ripped off the Hero’s Gold Star medal he had pinned on his chest the night before and spat on it. Like Sergey had shredded his dreams, not tried to gift them to him.
He kept going, even though it ached. “Go. Get away from here. Chase your dreams. Become an astronaut.”Be happy. Somehow. If it isn’t with me, then find where.“When you’re in America…” He looked down.Govno,this was harder than he’d thought. He thought he’d at least started to put Sasha behind him. He hadn’t, not at all. “Find someone. Find someone who makes you happy.”
Sasha went still, a study in statues. In freezing. “You’re telling me to leave. And to find someone else?” He hissed, a quick inhale.
They weren’t anything anymore, were they? Sasha hadleft. And Sergey couldn’t live in the past, in his memories of Sasha by his side in the Kremlin, by his side in the insurgency, by his side in the Arctic. He couldn’t live in shadows and haunted dreams of ice-blue eyes, memories of their frantic fumble beneath the Arctic ice. Russian romances were full to the brim of heartbroken lovers, an uninterrupted history of agony and loneliness, misery and nostalgia.
But love didn’t live in yearning. It lived in the now, in the moment. In the immediacy. Love was a verb. Actions, and doing, and movement. Toward or away. Sasha had left, was always leaving, always in the process of running away, pulling away.
Sergey would let him go. He would stay still and let Sasha make his choices. Action, and movement. Running, or staying.
He knew what would happen. Sasha had already left him, so many times already.
Sasha groaned. “I’ll never be able to find someone in America.”
“Sasha—”
“Only one man has ever captured my heart. Only one man has ever made me love him!”
He couldn’t listen to this, these hollow words that didn’t match Sasha’s actions. He turned away, tried to break free of Sasha’s pull.
Sasha grabbed his arm, tugged him close. “You must know, Sergey! You must! You’re the only man I have ever loved! The only man I ever will love!”
“Thenwhy?” He wrenched free. Faced Sasha. “Why did you rip us apart? Why did you leave?Again?”
“I want what is best for you! Only that! I have to keep you safe! If you were attacked like I was… I could not live with that!”
“Youare best for me.” He reached for Sasha’s cheek. “You made me feel alive. And I’m not afraid of the world. You are worth every risk. There is nothing that could come between us, if only you let us have the chance.” His thumb dragged over Sasha’s cheekbone.Please…
Sasha leaned into his touch. He swallowed. Sergey watched naked terror flood his gaze. “If we try,” he whispered. “If we try… could you keep it quiet?”
What was this? His heart hammered, hope leaping through him. The world seemed to snap in and out of focus, a parallax zoom on his heart, on Sasha, on the tortured dreams he’d ran from every night. He stumbled, tried to stammer through his choked throat. “I’m not looking to lead a parade. I just want you in my life. I want to love you.” He tried for humor, a tiny, forced chuckle that came out like a cough. “I was not planning on engagement announcements for at least a year. Maybe two.”
