Page 40 of Hell and Gone
Trying to understand Everett Dawson had been like trying to cage the wind. There were moments he’d thought there wasn’t anything there, that Everett was just a hard mask, a fierce man of iron will and hunting instinct. But here and there, his humanity seeped out.
Bled out, he realized. Everett was a walking wound, spun so tightly he held himself together through force of will alone. He was a tornado flying apart, but the only thing he was destroying was his soul.
He should have seen the signs. He’d been that way, once. He knew the shadows Everett ran from: Everett cast them himself. As soon as Everett realized that, realized he was the source of his own pain, and as soon as he faced himself, things would turn around. But not before then.
Maybe last night he’d touched him, at least a bit. A bit more than just a quick fuck, hopefully. Everett hadn’t looked like he’d shared that story before. Or had let himself go since.
Knowing Everett, having him, was like a cleansing air rustling through Lawrence’s soul. He’d felt, for the night, what he’d craved: a man who could live inside his heart.
Morning brought the bitter truths back to light. Moonlight and flame had obscured the hard edges, concealed as well as revealed. There were hard times ahead for both of them.
Hopefully they could face it together.
Everett stirred as a sunbeam tickled his cheek and draped across his eyelid. He squinted, tried to peel away. Lifted his head from Lawrence’s shoulder.
Lawrence smiled as best he could, bracing himself. “Mornin’.”
Everett blinked.He regrets it. He wishes he hadn’t. He’ll want to forget everythin’.
“You’re a very good lover,” Everett breathed. His hand came up, sliding through Lawrence’s hair until he cradled the back of his head. He tugged, and Lawrence went, melding his lips with Everett’s as he rolled on top of Everett.
He kissed him slowly, tasting him, playing with his tongue and nibbling on his lips, biting up his jaw and sucking on his ear. Everett shivered beneath him and snaked his legs around Lawrence’s waist. Two hands grasped Lawrence’s naked ass. Squeezed.
“It had been a long time for me,” Everett whispered, drawing Lawrence’s face back to his. He pressed their foreheads together. Kissed Lawrence gently. “I thought I wanted something else. But…”
“You wanted it to hurt ‘cause you’re hurtin’ deep down inside.” Lawrence rubbed his nose against Everett’s. “I was like that once. And I chased that kind of pain, too. Never did me no good. Don’t go chasin’ that.”
“What happened to you?”
Their words were shared breaths, the sunlight speckling their chests, their interlaced hands. Lawrence molded his hips to Everett’s, hard cock to hard cock.
“I was the man no one wanted. Not my teachers, not my drunk mother. Not my father, and who knows if he’s even alive anymore. Not Dan Howell, or Jim Burke, or any of the other the Endless Sky hands. Not a soul in these mountains wanted me, it seemed. And I was desperate for someone, anyone in the world. Spent some nights at the truck stop blowin’ guys just to feel like I mattered for five minutes. I would have given anythin’ to feel alive.”
“How did you stop? How did you come back? I’m so far gone—”
“You’re not.” Lawrence kissed his forehead, the tip of his nose. “You just gotta turn around. That’s all it is. Turn around. Time moves in one direction, but you’re tryin’ to fight it and keep runnin’ away from the present. You’re a fish swimmin’ upstream, but you gotta turn back. You’re still you, Everett. You’re just afraid of what you’ll see when you look at yourself.”
“And what will I see?”
Lawrence kissed him, slowly. “Yourself. You’ll see yourself and your life. Every man has to face himself and what he’s done. Every man makes a choice in his life: do you keep on goin’ with what you’re doin’? Or do you change? Some men give up. You ain’t a quitter. Stop wastin’ your life.”
Everett hissed, and Lawrence started a slow rock, a gentle roll of his hips. Their cocks slid together, heat rising between them. Everett shuddered, bit his lip.
“It was Delaney that made me turn around,” Lawrence said softly, still rocking. “He was lookin’ for hands. He was an out-of-towner, and everyone was tryin’ to stiff him. Overcharge, under deliver. He was gettin’ a raw deal everywhere he went. So I presented myself. Told him the truth, told him I would work for him for fair wages and never cheat him. Never lie to him. Said I had been a bad man before, but I wanted to be a good one. And I just needed one chance.”
Everett stroked up his sides, carded his fingers through his hair. Laced his hands behind his neck. His thighs squeezed Lawrence’s hips. “And you got it.”
“And I’ve never let it go. I never will.” Another kiss, and he grabbed Everett’s ass. Lifted him. Lined them up, the head of his cock at Everett’s still-slick entrance. “You’ll find what you need when you turn back. You’ll come back to yourself.” He slid in, easier now, Everett’s body open, wet, and wanting.
Everett groaned, and he thrust onto Lawrence’s cock. They rocked until Lawrence shifted Everett’s legs, raised his calves up to Lawrence’s burly shoulders and bent him forward. Everett folded in half as Lawrence gabbed his hands and pinned them to the mattress beside his head, pistoning in and out of Everett’s hole in long, deep strokes.
He laced their fingers together, held his hands, and rode Everett through every gasp, groan and buck, every scream, every cry and thrust and shiver. Everett begged to come, to touch himself.
“Please,” Everett whispered. He bit his lip. Stared into Lawrence’s eyes. His eyes were sex-drunk, pupils blown. “Please,God.”
“M’name is Law,” he teased. He slid in again, all the way in, as deep as he’d ever been, and kissed Everett. Everett quaked in his hold and kissed him back, tried to climb inside Lawrence’s body. “Come with me,” he murmured. “Let me give that to you.”
“Please…”
