Page 47 of Splintered
Ben guided him into the house, helping him take small, shaking steps through the front door and into the foyer. Evan stopped suddenly, hissing, his whole body going taut under Ben’s careful hands. “Oh,” Evan whispered.
“I said let’s talk.” Ben steered Evan past the piled boxes of Evan’s things into the living room. Evan breathed hard and fast, almost panicked pants. His eyes were wide, white ringing all the way around. But he tried to put on a brave face as Ben helped him sit, and as Ben sat beside him.
Evan grabbed both of his hands as he set his jaw. He looked into Ben’s eyes. A tear spilled down his cheek. Evan let it fall.
“A lot has happened,” Ben started.
Evan’s resolve fractured and his expression splintered, fear, agony, and misery jumbled together and pouring through the cracks. “That’s what you say when you break up with someone.”
“I’m not breaking up with you. I don’twantto break up with you,” he clarified. “I love you. I love you more than you know, Evan. I’ve been dying inside thinking you wanted to leave me. That all you wanted was New York and that flashy job. I thought you just wanted to get rid of me, that you thought I was holding you back. I thought you were starting to hate me.”
“No, no, God, no, Ben.” Tears fell faster and Evan sniffed. “That’s not at all what—”
Ben slid the black velvet box from his pants pocket. He set it between them in the no-man’s-land of the couch cushion between their thighs.
Evan stared. His jaw hung open, his breath quivering the air between them. “You found them.”
“While I was packing your things, yeah.”
Evan’s eyes closed. “I didn’t realize how much it meant to me,” he whispered. “Until I realized I wanted to be married to you.”
“Why didn’t you talk to me about it?”
“You’re not Catholic. You’re not religious. You’ve always dismissed everything spiritual, everything religious. I thought— I thought if I talked to you, you’d just dismiss that, too. Or that you wouldn’t want any part of a Catholic marriage.” He barked out a harsh laugh. “And I guess Catholic guilt is hard to shake.”
“I would never dismiss you. Yeah, religion isn’t my thing. But Evan, I wouldn’t have just dismissed you or this. You hid that you were in counseling from me. Spiritual counseling.”
“I didn’t think you’d approve.”
“I don’t approve of the hiding or the lying.”
Evan nodded. He looked down, staring at the velvet box. “He did bless them. Right before the New York offer happened. But I guess that’s not going to happen now, huh?” He sniffed, long and loud.
“New York?”
Evan shook his head. “The rings. I mean—”
Oh. Was this how Evan was proposing to him? “It’s not the right time,” Ben said softly.
Nodding fast, Evan scrubbed his face with his free hand. “So, uh. It is time for me to move out, though?”
Ben slumped forward. “I don’t know. I thought so. I mean… what happened on Friday…”
“I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry. If I could take it back. If I could rewind time. If I could undo it.”
“Do you remember what happened? Or do you just know what the police and Dr. Kao told you?”
“I remember parts.” Evan frowned. “It’s like trying to remember a nightmare. I remember it like I was watching it happen. Like I was outside myself. I couldn’t control anything. I couldn’t stop anything. I felt like I was screaming in a cage, somewhere inside of me, and I couldn’t get out. I couldn’t get to you.”
“I’ve never been more scared in my whole life.” Ben swallowed. “I thought you were going to—” He exhaled slowly. “I thought one of us was going to die. And the other one was going to be the murderer.”
Evan stared at the floor. “I don’t know what to say other than I’m sorry. I don’t know if it will happen again. I don’t know if I can control it if it does. They say this new medication, they say that it’s controlling things. That I’m better with it.”
“You’re extremely sedated right now. Dr. Kao said the dose you’re on would knock an NFL player out in ten minutes. And yet here you are.” Evan was awake. Not ready to run a marathon. But awake. Alert.
“It’s the demon,” Evan whispered. “I know it is.”
Ben pressed his lips together. He said nothing.
