Page 26 of Splintered
Ben’s breath sped up. His heart jackhammered.
“Or what if it’s not me that’s being mimicked?” Evan’s fire-bright gaze burned into Ben. “Maybe it’syou. Maybe it’s you who’s been replaced inside of yourself. Maybe you’re not really you anymore. How could I ever know?”
“I’m me. I’m me, hon. But I think you’re not feeling well. Hon, let me get you some water—" He didn’t know what the fuck he was saying. What would water do? But he could get away, get out from Evan’s stare, try to figure out something to do. Get to a phone, maybe call 911. Something. Anything.
“We can’t know what’s happening inside anyone else, can we? Not unless we open them up. What if I looked inside you? What would I see? If I opened your mind? Peeled back your skin and your bones and looked in your brain? Would I see you? The real you? Or would I find an imposter inside your skin?”
He had to get away,now. Ben scooted toward the foot of the bed. “You’d kill me if you did that, Evan.”
He tried to spot Evan’s hands. He couldn’t see them. Were they in the darkness? Were they behind his back? Was he hiding something? Holding something? A knife?
“What if we look inside me? Am I still here?”
“Of course you’re here! You’re right here, Evan. Withme.” Ben lowered one foot to the ground, then the other, over the footboard. “We’re in this together. Let’s go downstairs. Come on.”
“I don’t feel like I’m still here,” Evan breathed. “I don’t feel like I’m here at all.”
“That’s the medications. You know they make you drowsy. But we’ll call Dr. Kao. We’ll get your doses adjusted.” Ben held out his hand. “Please, babe. Please come with me.”
“I think I’m gone,” Evan said again. “I’m not here anymore.”
“Babe. Evan. You’renotgone.” Ben took a step toward him. Where were Evan’s hands, damn it! He still couldn’t see. But the light switch was finally in reach.
Ben slapped the switch and blinked against the sudden light.
Evan’s eyes squeezed shut. He groaned. His empty hands flew up, cupping his face. “Fuck, that hurts!” he yelled. “Why did you turn the light on like that?”
Ben doubled over. That was Evan’s voice, not the voice that sounded like it was from a million miles away, from another millennium. “Evan?”
Evan slumped face first to the bed. “Fuck, my head hurts.” He burrowed into Ben’s pillow. “What time is it?”
“What do you remember?” Ben ran to him, crawling beside Evan, running his hands over his skin, his chest, his back, his neck, his head. No bumps, no cuts, no blood. No injuries. His heart slowed fractionally.
“What do I remember?” Evan groaned, and he tried to roll away from Ben. “What do you mean, we just finished eating pizza.”
“Babe, it’s three in the morning.”
Evan stilled. “No, we were just watching—" His gaze flicked to the TV. The screen was dark. He twisted, staring at the window. Darkness hung outside. The glow of the streetlamp behind the curtains suffused the bedroom.
“You don’t rememberanythingthat just happened?”
Evan’s wide eyes turned back to Ben. They were hazel again, but opening up, filling with watery fear, a hopelessness that ripped Ben’s heart in two. He cupped Evan’s face and stroked his cheeks, fighting back his own rising dread, the burning liquid that pooled at the base of his vision.
“What did I do?” Evan whispered. “Fuck, Ben, what did I do?”
Ben shook his head. He pressed his lips together and kissed Evan’s forehead, lingering on his warm skin. “You’re here now,” he said. “You’re here now and that’s what matters.”
He held Evan for the rest of the night, running his fingers through his hair and listening to his quiet, even breaths.
He never closed his eyes.
* * *
The house seemedready to burst by dawn, every molecule that held everything together pulled and stretched until their bonds were about to snap. He paced the landing, his heel striking the creaking floorboard at the top of the stairs. Wood groaned in counterpoint to the ticking of the grandfather clock.
Ben wanted to crawl the walls, scream until the silence shattered. Evan slept like the dead. He watched from the doorway as his heart ran a million miles an hour.
He left a note for Evan on his pillow, written in huge letters in a bright purple marker, impossible to miss.Going grocery shopping. Love you. Call if you need anything. He put Evan’s phone on top of the note.
