Page 176 of Whisper
“Never mind.” Kris waved him off. “I don’t care. I don’t want to know. Don’t tell me anything.” He’d forgotten, for a moment, that he didn’t care at all, not one single bit, about the CT world anymore.
Knocks pounded on Dan’s door, just before Ryan poked his head in. “Hey, have you looked at the—”
He stopped. Glared at Kris. “What the fuck are you doing here? You’re not part of CT.”
“Personal visit.” Kris slouched in the chair, getting comfortable. “Visiting my boo.” He blew Ryan a kiss.
Purple bloomed over Ryan’s features, a furious fuchsia. “Dan, we need to get the most recent dump from Islamabad analyzed. They’ve got something.”
“I’ll get right on it.”
“And, have you seen the FIAs?”
Foreign Intelligence Agents. Occasionally, the CIA hosted officers sent from overseas agencies for six-month training missions. Currently, Israel and Saudi Arabia had sent over an officer each. Not an easy combination to handle.
“Noam is spending time at the satellite bay.” Noam Avraham, from Mossad in Israel. “I don’t know where Zaiden is.” Zaiden Asfour, from Saudi Arabia’s General Intelligence Directorate.
Ryan nodded, glared at Kris again, and ducked out.
Dan stared. “Yourboo?”
He shrugged. “It got rid of him.”
For a second, Dan couldn’t hide the hurt. He looked like a kicked puppy, quickly turning back to his desk and stacking folders, making sure the edges were obsessively straight. Anything to not look at Kris.
“I didn’t mean—”
“Yes, you did.” Dan smiled, sadly. “It’s okay. I know your rules. I’m just one your ‘boos’.”
“It’s not like that. I don’t…” He shook his head. “I don’t know what I want anymore.”
“It’s been nine years,” Dan whispered.
“Some days it still feels like yesterday,” Kris snapped. “Timedoesn’theal all wounds. That’s crap. It’s bullshit, what they say. You’re never over it. You’re never fine.”
“I’m sorry.” Dan held up his hands, surrendering. “I didn’t mean it that way. I just…” He exhaled hard, his face twisting. “I wish I could see you smile again. I wish you were happier. And I know I can never replace him. I know I can never be who he was, and I know you can never love me like you loved him, but—” He stopped, drawing up short, like he’d let too much slip free. “I wish you would let me love you,” Dan finally breathed. “I wish you wanted to come see me right away when you got back. I wish this wasn’t a surprise for me. I wish I was your only ‘boo’. I wish we could reallydothis, Kris. And... most of all,Iwant to be the man who makes you happy again.”
Kris’s jaw dropped. Dan hadn’t been that blatant, that direct with him,ever. It wasthe thingthey never spoke of: Dan wanted more. Kris… didn’t know what he wanted, except a good hard fucking, something to numb the pain. But now Dan hadsaidit, had actually put words to his feelings in their twisted little dance.
Damn it, he didn’t want to know. Knowing made things complicated. Knowing tugged on things he didn’t want to feel, didn’t want to think about. His eyes darted around Dan’s office, hiding, searching for somewhere to look, somewhere that wasn’t at Dan. He fumbled for something to say.
Dan ended the conversation for him. He always did. How many times had he let Kris off the hook, accepted the tiny morsels Kris threw his way without complaint? “Look, I’ve got to get going on this new dump of traffic from Islamabad. This thing, from al-Qaeda… it’s getting big. I’ve got to go.”
Kris stood. “You, uh, will probably be working all evening?”
“All night.” Dan rubbed his forehead. He looked exhausted. “I might crash here for a few hours and keep working tomorrow.”
“’Kay.” Nodding, Kris backed out of Dan’s office. “I’ll see you around.”
Dan chuckled, once. “Yeah. See you around.”
Kris felt his gaze on his back as he walked away.
Chapter 27
Kandahar Province
Afghanistan
