Page 102 of Enemy Within
Adam pulled back. He kissed Faisal sweetly, holding his face in both hands. “No buts.”
Faisal swallowed.
Adam watched the rise and fall of his Adam’s apple. Wanted to kiss it, one last time. “I love you,” he breathed. “Faisal, I love you so Goddamn much. I… I’ve been working on something. I want you to hear me out, okay? Don’t stop me. Just listen.” He took a breath, slowly, as Faisal frowned.
Adam spoke softly, reciting the words of theShahada, the Islamic statement of faith, as he stared into Faisal’s eyes. Faisal jerked, and he opened his mouth as if he wanted to stop Adam like he’d done so many times before. Adam shook his head, and he pressed three fingers over Faisal’s lips. He kept speaking until it was done.
In the eyes of Islam, and beneath the gaze of Allah, he was now Muslim.
Faisal’s eyes gleamed as he stared at Adam, shaking his head. “Why?” Faisal whispered.
“Because I love you, and because I want to share everything with you. This life, and the next. Live with you forever and for eternity in the next world.” He reached into his jacket, beneath his layers, and pulled out his dog tags. Slipped them over his head. He tried to meet Faisal’s gaze, but couldn’t. “I wanted to memorize the first two chapters of the Quran for you,” he breathed. “I’ve been working on it. It was going to be my gift.” He tried to smile. “This isn’t a good substitute, but it’s all I have right now.” He held up his dog tags for Faisal.
Everything clicked in Faisal’s mind. Adam watched realization slam into him, and Faisal went from confusion to terror in a half second, blind panic as he reached for Adam, grasping him by his arms. “No.No, Adam,please. In shaa Allah, there is another way.”
“I wanted this to be a happy day.” Adam bit his lip. Tears once again blurred his vision. He tried to blink them away, but they cascaded from the corners of his eyes. “I wanted to spend this life by your side. I’m not going to live through this, though.” He swallowed. “I’ll wait for you, Faisal. I’ll wait for you at the gates to the garden. I won’t enter paradise without you.”
“Adam,please. Please—”
“I’ll pray for you every day. And sometime in the future, far, far from now, I’ll see you again.” He held out his hand, clenching his gift, his Marine Corps dog tags, the sum of his identity in his life. “If you accept. If we do this. If we join together for eternity.” His throat closed, almost choking him, and he struggled with the next words. “Faisal… will you marry me?”
Fat tears streamed down Faisal's cheeks. His hands shook where he grasped Adam’s wrists, his arms. His mouth hung open, soundless whispers falling from his lips. Slowly, he nodded.
Adam had researched Islamic marriage before. First, when he wanted to torture himself when he imagined Faisal marrying a beautiful Saudi woman, or three beautiful women. He wanted to know what it would look like, what it would sound like, when his heart finally shattered.
But as he read, he imagined asking Faisal himself. Imagined how he would do it. Themahr, the gift he could get for Faisal, the first offering he’d make as a prospective groom. Faisal had everything he could ever want, and could buy anything in the world, so what could Adam possibly offer?
His love, his life. His heart joined to Faisal’s. Together for eternity, accepting what had grown inside him from when Faisal had first shown him the path of his faith, deep in the sands of the desert. The whispered words of theShahadawere his true gift. The recitation of the first chapters of the Quran was going to be a historical touch. What a poor man could offer to his beloved when he had nothing else to give but his heart and soul.
“I give you thismahr, Faisal, in the hopes that you find it pleasing to your heart.” He offered his dog tags again, as if he’d slip them over Faisal's head. It was all he had, but in giving it, he’d give Faisal a piece of his soul. His world, the purpose he’d thrown himself into before Faisal had entered his life.
A sob choked Faisal’s voice as he nodded and squeezed his eyes closed. “Everything you give to me pleases my heart,” he whispered between sobs. He tried to breathe, tried to drag in deep gasps of air as Adam slipped them over his head.
Cook’s footsteps banged on the deck. He was coming back for Adam.
“Faisal, say it. Please, say it.” Adam scooted close and pressed their faces together. Memories flickered through his mind like photographs falling to the floor. The night they met, the music playing beneath the tent on the beach, and the sweet honey taste ofluqaymat. Peaches on Faisal’s lips, the warmth of his skin,Subhanallah, Faisal was always so warm, like he carried the sun within his soul. Feeling sand beneath his knees and sliding through his fingers. “Please. I want this. I want to be by your side for all eternity.Please,Faisal.Maa shaa Allah.”
Faisal’s soaked cheeks pressed against Adam’s, and his snot slicked Adam’s skin. Carefully, he whispered, “An kah’tu nafsaka a’lal mah’ril ma’loom.”I give myself away in marriage to you.
Adam exhaled, pressing kisses to every inch of Faisal’s skin. Over his cheeks, his eyes, into his hair. “Qabiltun nikaha,” he breathed. “Qabiltun nikaha.”I accept you in marriage.“Jazaa ka Allah u khaira. Allah u akbar. Allah u akbar.” He kept kissing Faisal, kissing each tear that streamed from his eyes, following the salt trail to his lips. “Ana bahibak.”I love you.
Faisal couldn’t speak. He tried, but sobs stole his voice. His lips moved, and Adam tried to read what he said, feel the shape of his words as his lips pressed against his skin. Promises of love, of eternal devotion.
“You’re done.” Cook’s voice echoed behind him. His hand grasped the back of Adam’s neck. “Time to get to work.”
“I’ll wait for you,” Adam said. His voice cracked. “I’ll wait for you at the gates of paradise.”
Faisal reached for him, lunging as Adam was yanked back by Cook. “Ana bahibak.” He spoke in Arabic, sputtering as his sobs restarted. “Ya rouhi. Enta habibi ya hayati.”You are my soul. You are my love, the love of my life.
Adam stumbled as Cook dragged him to his feet and shoved him back. He kept his eyes on Faisal. “Ya rouhi,” he breathed. “Ya hayati.” Faisal’s face crumpled, and fresh tears flowed down his cheeks.
He had one last thing to say. “Faisal,” he called. “Take care of my team. Love them like you loved me.”
The last thing he saw was Faisal’s shaky nod, and his lips mouthana bahibakone last time as he clenched Adam’s dog tags in his fist.
Cook shoved him hard out of the main room, sending him sprawling on his back down the dark hallway. Kicks followed, vicious blows to his chest, his stomach, his jaw.
Allah u akbar. Faisal’s face, smiling down at him. The first time he took his hand and laced their fingers together.Allah u akbar. Desert sun beating down on him, turning the world into a strange, otherworldly thing, reality only a mirage, a shimmer before his eyes. Faisal’s laugh, the sounds of his voice.Allah u akbar. His lips, whispering poetry against his skin, promises of love that would last until the stars burned themselves out and the universe grew cold and still.May Allah bless you, Faisal, for how you loved me when I could not even love myself.
