Page 138 of Enemy of My Enemy
Her gaze froze on the sweatshirt he wore. Her lips thinned.
Jack lowered himself into the chair next to her. Ethan’s Secret Service sweatshirt hung loosely from his shoulders, looser than it had before. He’d lost weight, and he had to push the sleeves up his forearms over and over.
Silence built like dominoes as Leslie ate her eggs and nibbled at her toast. Jack chewed his lips, watching the tabletop.
When she was finished, she leaned back, watching him.
He reached for an envelope, tucked beneath an untouched cup of cold coffee. “Les,” he breathed. “Do you remember writing this for me?”
She stared at the old, worn paper, her eyes wide.
“You said—” He closed his eyes, swallowing hard. “You said you wanted me to be happy, even after you died. That you wanted me to go on living. Find someone to fall in love with again.”
She looked down.
“I didn’t. Not for years. I didn’t feel anything for anybody.”
“Until him.” Leslie finally met his gaze. “Until Ethan.”
He nodded, trying desperately to hold it together. Trying to not fall entirely to pieces. He squeezed his eyes shut, breathed hard, tried to stop his trembling chin. “Until Ethan,” he whispered. His eyes opened, blurry.
She bit her lip.
“I love him, Les. I do, and I can’t turn that off. I can’t juststoploving him.” He was losing the battle against his control, his eyes blurring as he dragged in a ragged breath. “I didn’t know you were alive. I didn’t know, and God, I’msosorry. I’m so,sosorry that I didn’t know. But I can’t change what’s happened.” The edge of his control vanished, and the tears cascaded from his eyes. “I can’t change that I fell in love with him. Or how happy he makes me.”
Her eyes glistened, a wet shine building. “I do want you to be happy, Jack. Once, it was with me.”
“Oh God.” His heart burst, and his breath ripped from his lungs. He buried his face in his palms. Tears leaked through his fingers, falling to the floor, and in the devastated silence, he swore he could hear them falling like rain. “I’m sorry. I tried, Leslie. I did. But…” It was easier to speak to the darkness of his hands. “When I think of the future, I imagine it with him. I think of growing old with him. And I miss himsodamn much.”
Leslie sniffed and turned away, covering her mouth with her good hand. She nodded, fast jerks of her head, over and over. “I always thought you had moved on,” she said after a long moment. “But Ineverthought it would be with aman.”
Jack pulled his hands down, away from his eyes, until he had them pressed together in front of his face like he was praying, his lips resting on the edges of his fingers. “Does it matter that it is a man?”
Her face twisted, raw agony finally cracking through. “Did you ever really love me at all, Jack?”
He reached for her, resting a hand on her knee. “Idid, Les. I did, so much. I still do, in a way.”
“Then—” Sobbing, she lunged for him, holding his hand. “Then, Jack, we can—”
He shook his head, and her words died, swallowed up as she snapped her mouth closed.
“It wouldn’t be fair to you if I forced this. You would never have all of me, and I’m afraid I’d grow to resent you.” He bit on his upper lip, dragging it between his teeth. “It wouldn’t be fair to Ethan, either. We love each other.”
She looked down, her shoulders shaking.
“I will always be here for you, Leslie.Always. I will take care of you, give you the best of everything. Everything I can give you, you will have.” He tried to smile, but it felt like a grimace. “But as afriend,” he whispered. “As a friend only.”
She finally nodded, staring at the floor. “Okay.” Tears dripped down her cheeks, but she fought through. “Okay.”
“I’m so sorry.” His eyes squeezed closed, but the tears kept coming. He let them fall, wiping them with the sleeve of Ethan’s sweatshirt as Leslie turned away, staring into the middle distance, her own tears making salt trails down her cheeks.
He could feel his presidency shattering, feel his reputation and his legacy drop like a sandcastle beaten down by the sea. He’d lose it all, with this.
But he’d be with Ethan, and that outweighed everything else.
* * *
It was a Saturday,and even though the White House was mostly empty, Jack headed to the West Wing after walking Leslie back to her bedroom and leaving her tucked in her bed. Her eyes were wet and red, but she tried to be strong. He heard her sobs, though, as he walked away.
