Page 184 of Enemy of My Enemy
Ethan watchedthe blood drain from Sergey’s face as the satellite connection broke, ending in a roar of flame and screaming steel and Sasha’s last words. Sergey stayed still, not moving aside from the slow closing of his eyes and the thinning of his lips.
Jack went to him, but Sergey shook his head and walked away, still clenching the sat phone as he covered his mouth with one hand.
“I can’t believe Sergey had no idea,” Jack breathed, heading back to Ethan’s side. They sat on the hood of Sasha’s jeep, alone at the rear of the command bunker and watched the gray sky through thick pine boughs.
“You had no idea about me. I rocked your world pretty hard when I kissed you.”
Jack stayed quiet.
Until he spoke again, whispering into the silent forest. “Ethan… What do I do? What do I do to make this right?”
Ethan frowned at him. “Gotta stop Madigan—”
“No.” Jack’s hand slid into his own, their fingers carding together.
It was the first time they’d touched—really touched—since Ethan had gotten out of the cot, had shaken off the painkillers, and realized what the fuck was going on. Reality hadn’t sunk in yet. Or it had sunk in too much, hitting him face-first like crashing into a brick wall. He was still dazed, still just trying to put the pieces together and get through it all.
“I’m so sorry,” Jack breathed. “Ethan, I’m so,sosorry. I wish I could take it all back. Everything. I wish…” He bit his lip. “I wish I’d grabbed onto you on Air Force One and we’d faced this together. I wish I had never let you go. If anything had happened to you?” He shook his head. “I’m such an idiot.”
Ethan stayed quiet. He stared at their hands, at their joined fingers. One thumb brushed over Jack’s watch. He’d given it to Jack at Christmas. The face was cracked and water had seeped inside. It didn’t work.
“Sochi. But I couldn’t take it off. You gave this to me.”
Ethan’s eyes closed.
“It was always you,” Jack whispered. “Always. I could never get you out of my mind. Every moment was agonizing because all I wanted was to run back to you. Imissedyou somuch.And I felt soguilty, for everything—” Jack shook his head. “I told her you were the one for me. That I wanted to grow old with you. That I loved you and I wanted you back.”
Swallowing felt like he was swallowing sand and stone, his throat dry and clenched too tight.
“What do I do?” Jack’s burning eyes piercing Ethan’s soul. “I want to make us whole again.” He brought Ethan’s hand to his lips, pressing a long kiss to his knuckles. “I love you. You are mywhole world, Ethan.”
Jack had given everything up,everything, to sit on the hood of a dilapidated jeep in the Russian forest and tell Ethan he loved him. Everything. His career, his presidency, the most powerful position in the world. He wasn’t a soldier, but he’d risked his life just to find Ethan and hold his hand again.
Ethan had no idea what he was feeling, not anymore. He’d never been so hurt, never been so furiously wounded and achingly alone. Had never loved someone so much, soul deep, in a way that remade his entire world.
Whatever lingering anguish he’d had vanished, a singe against his soul that left him aching, desperately wanting to pull Jack close and hold him forever. Jack was here at his side, holding his hand and telling Ethan he loved him. That was what he wanted, what he would have given anything for. He would have lassoed the sun and pulled down the moon to prove his love to Jack, and now Jack was here, doing the same thing.
They were meant to be together. Wasn’t that what everyone who knew them said? It was a truth he knew, something fundamental that had remade his life when he and Jack had first committed to each other. Jack completed him, fit into his soul in a primal, perfect way. The world—as insane, as crazy, as horrible as it was—made sense with Jack. It spun right. All his edges were smoother, his dark spaces calmer.
Two rings rubbed together in his jacket pocket. He was wearing clothes taken from Sasha’s things, combat fatigues and a long-sleeve Russian military pullover. He’d scrounged a jacket, and the rings lived in the inner pocket, right over his heart.
He reached into his jacket. Closed his fingers over the warm metal. “Jack…”
Jack stared at him, and the muted gray light filtered through the forest above, catching on the angles and shadows of his face. God, he was breathtakingly beautiful. Hair mussed, dirt smudged on his bruised cheekbone, blond and gray stubble grown long and prickly over his cheeks and chin. The edges of a bruise fading on his temple, green and mottled yellow.
He wanted a life with Jack forever, wanted his love for the rest of their days.
But, Ethan bit his lip and let go of the rings.
It wasn’t the right moment. Wasn’t the right time. When he asked Jack, he wanted perfection. He wanted joy and love, and Jack saying “Yes” because he wanted Ethan for forever, and not because he was apologizing and trying to make their hearts whole again.
There were things he couldn’t say, couldn’t put into words, not now, but he could pour his love into his hands and into his touch, reach for Jack and caress his soul into Jack’s skin.
He cupped Jack’s cheek, ran his hand through Jack’s hair and down the side of his neck. He kissed him, leaning into Jack until they were pressed back against the jeep’s windshield. His stitches tugged, but he ignored the dull ache, stroking Jack’s face and pressing kiss after kiss to his chapped lips. Jack beamed, but Ethan tasted salt beneath his gentle kisses.
He pressed his forehead to Jack’s. “I’ve been afraid,” Jack murmured. “So afraid I’d lost you for good.”
“No,” Ethan whispered, kissing the tears at the corners of Jack’s eyes away. “I’m with you all the way.”
