Page 40 of Pleasuring Professor Pisces
“Mama—”
“Do you?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Then why ain’t you with him right now?”
“I just needed some time, Mama. There’s been a lot of pressure on me, and I needed to think my way through things. There was pressure from Salem to give in to what’s between us and remain strong. There was pressure from the school to follow the rules and ethics. And then there was the pressure that I placed on myself to be true to myself.”
Primrose reached out a hand and grabbed one of mine. “Sis, I’m not gonna lie to you. Love and relationships ain’t always easy. They’re not some romance story you see on TV or a love story you read about in books. They can be that beautiful, but they can also be hard work and challenging. You have to put in the work and make the sacrifices to get it to be what you want it to be. When you do, it’s so well worth it. I’m saying all of this to say that if your heart wants that man, and you know he’s the best thing since sliced bread, then get your man, sis. Don’t let anything or anyone stop you. The two of you will figure out the rest.”
“And as it relates to your career,” Mama interjected, “were you really happy there?”
“I haven’t been for a long time. People avoid me like the plague. They gossip and whisper, and for the most part, I ignore it all. But it has become a lonely existence at the school. My students who are cool and aren’t caught up have excellent conversations with me, but they’re academically based. I have to place a boundary line, even with them, so there isn’t the illusion of something more going on. I’m just tired.”
“Then you know what you have to do, baby.”
I nodded and resumed eating my food. My mama and sister started talking about my nephew and niece, Chase and Nora, Primrose’s kids. I drifted off into my thoughts, wondering what Salem was doing.
I picked up my phone after a while and decided to text him.
ME:
Hey, I know you’ve been calling and texting me. I needed some time.
My fingers hovered over the button to send it. Shaking my head, I deleted the message and set my phone aside. I owed him an explanation and a response, sure, but I didn’t want to do it over text.
I already knew if I sent a simple message like “I’m okay,” it wouldn’t end there. He would keep pressing the issue until I answered my phone and gave him an explanation. Salem could be stubborn like that.
I picked up my plate and headed for the door.
“Where are you going, baby?” Mama asked.
“Upstairs to finish eating.”
“Why don’t you stay down here with us?” Primrose asked.
“I’m fine,” I called over my shoulder and headed for the stairs.
I heard my mama say, “Leave her alone. You know she likes to be alone, especially when she’s got a lot on her mind. That’s just how she’s always been.”
“You mean when she’s in one of her moods?” Primrose replied.
“That’s just her Pisces nature.”
I rolled my eyes and finished climbing the stairs. Once I was back in my childhood bedroom with the door closed and locked, I turned on the radio to listen to some music. Crawling on the bed, I finished my chili and crackers while thinking about Salem.
He had been wanting to take me out in public for a while. I had always resisted because of the danger of us being seen together. I hadn’t wanted to risk my career being with him, but alternatively, I found it hard to be without him. I thought back to when he was sick and his phone had died. All I wanted was to hear that man’s voice and feel his arms wrapped around me. I did love Salem, but I had never been challenged with putting everything on the line to be with someone.
I thought back to my past relationships. They had always carried some measure of risk, but it was more a risk of my heart than my livelihood. If I had been able to take the risk on those assholes, then surely I could take it for someone like Salem. I set my empty soup bowl and plate on my dresser and moved to where I had stored my laptop.
I removed it from my bag and crawled back onto the bed again. I spent the next twenty minutes typing up my resignation letter. After I attached it to an email addressed to the dean, I sat on my bed for a few more minutes with my knees pulled up to my chest and my eyes closed.
Setting the laptop aside, a few minutes later, I proceeded to pray.
“Heavenly Father, I always said that I wouldn’t step out again against Your will. I promised to seek Your guidance and trust You to give me what I needed in this life. You gave me a career that has been fulfilling and rewarding. Even when it was in jeopardy the first time, I still received blessings from just being still. Well, here I am again. And I know that I’m being tested. I don’t know if I’m supposed to stay where I am again or if I should step out on faith. The other concern I have is Salem.
“For so long, I prayed that You would send me a man who loved me unconditionally. You sent me someone who I wasn’t even expecting. I’m thankful for that man. Please let his heart be open to welcome me back, and I pray that this is Your will for Salem and me to find love with each other. Amen.”
