Page 69 of New Beginnings
“You don’t have to let me take the blame for anything, Rebel. It’s the truth no matter how much you want to deny it. You were almost killed because of me. Daniwaskilled because of me. This is the shit my father-in-law warned me about. The reason he was so against us being together, but I wouldn’t listen. I wanted her. I loved her.”
Rising to my feet with a calm demeanor, I found myself mere inches away from his enraged, flushed face. He possessed an anger that might never go away if he kept blaming himself for something he couldn’t change or for decisions he didn’t make. He chose this life, fully aware of the risks and consequences, and Dani stood by him, regardless of his involvements. They both knew the dangers.
And so, did I.
Despite being fully aware of his involvement in a dangerous lifestyle, I couldn’t help but fall in love with him, even though I knew the risks firsthand. The revelation inside my head and heart wasn’t as startling as it should be because I didn’t easily give my heart to anyone. I couldn’t deny my feelings any longer no matter how much I probably should. Despite the growing realization that I should distance myself from him, I couldn’t deny the love I felt for him.
As I gently cupped his face, the warmth of my touch caused his eyes to close. “J.D., she chose you. Did you lie to her about who you were or the life that you lived?”
I knew little about their history together other than they were insanely in love with each other, but she seemed like a woman who went after what she wanted. If she had a problem, she wouldn’t have given him the time of day.
He let out a weary sigh before opening his eyes, his gaze fixed on me. “No. When we first met, I was already president of the North Carolina chapter. Being a member of Demons United is the only reason I met her. It’s the only reason I have Siobhan.”
“And she still chose to be with you.” I take a step closer to him, wrap my arms around his waist and he pulled me into his arms.
“She still married you and started a family with you. She wasn’t a damsel in distress who was pushed into marrying you, J.D.”
“I know she wasn’t a damsel in distress, Rebel. But it’s still hard to know she was dealing with all this shit by herself because she was trying to protect me.”
I tried to step out of his embrace, but he tightened his arms around me.
“She was doing what anyone who loves you would do,” I said, explaining why Dani chose a life with him and why I was too. “Do you want to talk about what she said in her letter?”
As he held me tight, I rested my head on his chest, finding comfort in the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, waiting for him to decide. I held onto him tightly, savoring the warmth and security of his embrace.
“He wanted her to spy on me. He threatened to have the kids taken if she didn’t cooperate. She refused.”
“I can see why she was terrified.”
“Yeah. She believed I was the target not the club and if anything happened to her, I needed to look into Agent Revels.”
“Just like we thought. Was he holding Corey Astor over her head?”
“Yep. She said he had photos of her that he shouldn’t have and that’s what he tried to blackmail her with.”
Even though both Dani and Corey were dead, those photos were definitely something J.D. would probably want to get his hands on and destroy so nobody including Agent Revels could use them against him in some way.
“Was there anything else?” I asked.
“Only that she loved me and Siobhan and wanted me to live my life, find someone to love if anything happened to her.”
I hoped he didn’t catch the sharp intake of breath that escaped from my lips. I didn’t want to reveal the whirlwind of emotions he stirred within me or admit my love for him. I especially didn’t want him running for the hills because, even though J.D. liked me a lot, I felt his feelings hadn’t developed as quickly as mine. He still loved his wife.
Was it even possible to love two people even if one of those people was dead?
I could sense the weight of his gaze as it bore into the top of my head. I was absolutely terrified at what I would see when I looked at him. It could be either two things—the crushing weight of rejection or the sweet embrace of acceptance. He would either reject what we both knew was between us because he wasn’t ready to accept it, or acceptance that he was ready to let the past go and love me.
Either way, I had to know. I had to see if he was any closer to letting her go. He once said when all this was over, he was coming for me, but did we truly have to wait until all this was resolved? The weight of his promise hung heavy in the air. I’d falling hard for him. I just hoped the feeling was mutual.
His intense gaze never wavered as he playfully twirled one of my braids around his finger, releasing it with a gentle tug. Every time his eyes locked with mine, my heart seemed to freeze inside my chest. It was like someone had removed all the air from the room, making it difficult to catch a breath.
As his lips met mine, time seemed to stand still, erasing all uncertainty, and filling me with a sense of absolute clarity. The soft caress of his lips against mine sent a delicious shiver through me. I gripped the front of his shirt, as he pulled me closer to his body deepening our kiss. All the words I longed to express to him would now be conveyed through this kiss, because I lacked the courage to utter them out loud. At least not until I was sure he was ready to hear what I had to say.
With a sudden jerk, he pulled my hair, forcefully separating our lips. His intense gaze sent a ripple of awareness through my entire body.
“Do you know how bad I want to fuck you?” he asked, tightening his grip on my hair.
“What are you waiting for then?” I asked, licking my lips. “Do it.”
