Page 38 of Southie
Whatever it was, this pull was undeniable, and I believed she felt it too. No other woman had ever come close to what was going on with Camilla. I made a vow a long time ago to never fall for any woman the way I was falling for her.
Our connection to one another wasn’t from grief because the first time we met, I wanted her. It was unexplainable then as much as it was now.
My pull to her went beyond physical.
The night she stepped into her father’s office, whatever had happened between us happened on a cosmic level. It went far beyond her looks and giving up on it wasn’t an option anytime soon. With her beautiful naked body cuddled up against me, sleeping soundly, imagining her or me anywhere else was impossible. The desire to have her was even stronger now than a few months ago.
This is what I needed. She’s what I needed.
Today had started like shit. A day that would take some time to get over. The shock and anger that my grandmother was dead still burdened my soul and would for a long time. Not only was she dead, someone had taken her away from me.
When I’d gotten the call from Camilla, I’d assumed she’d gone to the church, which wasn’t unusual. As soon as Camilla said the door was open, I’d known something was wrong.
My heart plummeted. Panic overwhelmed me. I’d dreaded what was on the other side of the door, not only for my grandmother but for Camilla too. When Camilla refused to leave until she checked on her, I wanted to kiss her for loving my grandmother enough to make sure she was all right. In the next breath, I wanted to choke her for being so careless with her life.
I wasn’t a fearful man. My grandfather, God rest his soul, instilled in me at a young age I should fear nothing but the man upstairs, but this morning when she wouldn’t leave my grandmother’s home, fear gripped me. I hadn’t felt that helpless since I was a kid.
Anyone could have been inside and, against my wishes, she’d gone in anyway. If anything had happened to her, I would have lost my shit. I’d already lost one important woman in my life, and I didn’t want to lose her before we got to explore whatever was happening between us.
When Paul, a police officer at my Pop’s precinct, gave me the news, my anger soared. Not only because of what happened to my grandmother but, if Camilla had been an hour earlier, she would’ve been there. There would’ve been two bodies instead of one.
That thought continuously replayed in my mind along with the thought of what my grandmother had endured.
On the ride back to my place, I couldn’t speak. I wouldn’t have lashed out at Camilla, but my fists itched to connect with something. Anything.
Like now.
My fist wanting to connect with skin overwhelmed me.
Camilla and I lounged in bed and made love most of the day. It was the most amazing and normal thing I’d done in a long time. It was so right that it scared the shit out of me. This wasn’t the best time for this to be happening. I was still in the mob. Someone had killed my grandmother, and I believed Camilla was dealing with her own demons.
But it was impossible not to be with her.
After the time we’d spent together and the way she made me feel, there was no way I’d let her go.
I grabbed my phone and ignored the numerous missed calls and text messages from family members and Paddy. I sent an emergency text to Gerald telling him to give the guard the code, use his key once he got here, and head down to the basement.
After making a call to the guardhouse to inform the guard on duty Gerald would be stopping by, I shut off my phone. I lacked the patience to deal with anyone, including my family who only wanted what my grandmother had or how to use her death to benefit them. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with that bullshit right now. My headspace needed to be calm and clear before I spoke to any of them.
Instead of staying balls deep in Camilla all day, I eased up from under her, pulled on some basketball shorts, and went downstairs to release some of my anger. I wrapped my hands and, with each dark thought, I sent a jab to the red heavy bag hanging from the ceiling.
Who’d killed my grandmother?
How was I supposed to have Camillaandremain Paddy’s Enforcer?
With each thought swirling in my mind, I punched the heavy bag harder and faster, getting into a steady rhythm until I heard Gerald’s heavy footsteps descending the basement stairs.
Gerald was the only person in my life I talked to about everything. Of course, my friends from the neighborhood, many I considered family, would listen. But with personal things, Gerald was the only person I trusted and expected to get an honest answer about whatever I was going through. After I made the deal with Paddy, he was the first person I called.
While he didn’t agree with my decision, he understood why I took the job. I hoped he helped me navigate these feelings for Camilla while dealing with whoever killed my grandmother.
“Southie, what’s up man?” he said, pulling me into a hug. “What’s the emergency?”
I pulled back, shaking my head. This would be difficult. Gerald loved my grandmother like she was his grandmother.
“Let’s head upstairs. I’ll explain.”
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