Page 92 of Knot Her Cowboys
Ranger munched on grass while I sat on the ground at the overlook. He never went far, and if he bolted, the walk home would just give me more time to think. He always came back when it was time for his nightly treats.
A figure on horseback galloped over the fields, a cloud of dust pluming behind them. Cash had finally chased me down.
I waited in silence for him to arrive, not turning as he dropped off his horse and sat down next to me, reins in his hand. “How bad is it?”
“It’s not,” Cash assured me. “She didn’t seem freaked out at all. And she gave me this to give to you, said to go through the drafts folder.”
I took the folded paper, opening it to see Riley’s old email and the password beneath it. “CoopyCash11? We’re her password?”
“Sure looks like it.” When I didn’t respond immediately, Cash nudged my shoulder. “You’re going to have to come back if you want to snoop those emails.”
“Why does she want me to?”
Cash shrugged. “Said it was her version of the bottom dresser drawers.”
The air in my lungs froze. “What?”
Those dressers were full of all the letters I had written to Riley over the years and couldn’t send. I’d never once considered she might’ve done something similar.
“I didn’t look before coming to get you. If you want answers, you have to go find them.”
I whistled sharply, fingers between my lips, and Ranger came trotting over.
“I take it this means we’re going back right now?” Cash asked with a laugh. “Is Ranger cool with going back early or do you want to take Betsy Boo? I brought a halter for Ranger just in case I had to walk him.”
“I brought my rope for him in case he was excessively unruly. You want to go back to the stable for an apple?” I asked Ranger. He looked at me shrewdly. I’d made the offer enough times that he knew exactly what I meant. I curled my fingers in his mane, preparing to hop on, but waiting for him to signal if he wasn’t ready yet. When none came, I leapt onto his back. “He should be good. If not, I’ll get off and run. Go on ahead.”
Cash nodded, getting himself onto Betsy Boo again, the sweet buckskin Quarter Horse already spinning back down the trail ahead of us. Ranger liked to be in the lead, so as long as Cash kept in front, Ranger would follow like it was a race.
We made the trip from the lookout to the ranch in record time and I was jittering with nervous energy by the time we arrived. It took every ounce of willpower to make sure Ranger got his apple reward before letting Cash handle the brush-down so I could get to the community building and Internet.
A computer was set up for guests and it was blessedly unused at the moment. I crashed into the seat and pulled up the site for the email she used to use, logging in and going straight to the draft folder.
1,356 drafted emails awaited me.
With shaking hands I scrolled through them, noting that while they got sparser as the years went on, she had still been thinking about me.
Should I start with the oldest or newest?
I opted for oldest.
Subject:I HATE HER
I didn’t think it was possible to hate Darlene more than I already did. I don’t know how she did it, but I know you weren’t the one who wrote that email. How am I supposed to send anything if she’s in there reading it? I can’t even warn you.
Fuck.
What should I do? I can’t call the ranch and Cash’s parents haven’t figured out how to clear their voicemail. Wouldn’t even matter if you had a cell when there’s no service at the ranch. One of your brothers would probably find it and break it just to piss you off.
A bunch of frustrated key smashes followed.
Why does she have to ruin everything? Can’t I have ANYTHING from home? Why can’t she let me keep you?
I hate her.
I love you, though. I don’t know what to do.
A quick hunt through her inbox revealed the email in question. It came from my account, but the cadence was all wrong, not to mention the fact that I wouldneverfucking tell Riley she needed to come home for Darlene. Her mother could’ve been on her deathbed and I wouldn’t have made a fucking peep.
