Page 52 of Knot Her Cowboys
“How do you mean?”
Riley sighed, the brush pausing for a moment before she resumed. “I found out she passed from a friend of hers who reached out to my university. They forwarded the email. No one here could get in contact with me after my first year, and I didn’t trust it…”
“Why not?”
“Let me just say that I wouldn’t put it past Darlene Fletcher to fake her own death to fuck with me.”
I grimaced. “Sounds like a peach.”
“Oh, she was a treat. One of the things that spooked me into going no contact was an email I got from Cooper about a month after I left. We had still been in regular contact, but the wording in that email wasn’t him. He told me to come home, that my mom needed me and was going to die if I didn’t. Cooper wouldnevertell me to come home for her.”
“Do you think his email was hacked?” I asked, pieces slowly falling into place.
“Well, I know he wouldn’t have let her use it himself. One of the guys my mom was fucking when I left had a smarty-pants son, and Cooper wasn’t the most tech-savvy. I doubt it would’ve taken much to get access to his account. I got messages not long after from Cash and Morgan too, same deal. I thought about blocking the emails, but I couldn’t, so I started to just avoid it. None of them had cell phones I could call or text—Cooper and Morgan because of cost, and Cash because his mom was in the no-phones-until-you’re-eighteen mom club—and the service was nonexistent at the best of times, so there wasn’t much to be done. I couldn’t reach out in a way that I was sure wouldn’t be monitored by Darlene.” Riley groaned, laying her cheek on Tater Tot’s back. “I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t stand the idea that Darlene might be reading the emails. I did try to call Cash’s house, but his parents never remember to clear their voicemail and I never heard back, so I left it at that.”
“You were protecting your peace. It wasn’t ideal for Cooper and Cash, but I completely understand that if you thought their accounts were compromised, there wouldn’t have been a safe way to reach out and tell them.”
“It got easier to bury it than to deal with it. I did—” She swallowed hard. “I did try, went to therapy on campus, and it helped with some things, but not with that. I hated being so paranoid.”
“Paranoia tends to be unfounded, though,” I pointed out, carefully keeping my body language neutral while I combed out Tater Tot’s forelock. “Cooper has a very particular way he speaks, and if you’re sure he would never tell you to come home for your mother, then it’s not an unfounded concern.”
She moved slowly around to the other side of Tater Tot, keeping her hand on his body so he always knew where she was. “Sometimes I wondered if she had done that just to poke holes in things with Cooper and me.”
“What purpose do you think that would’ve served?”
“ShehatedCooper.” Riley let out a bitter laugh. “She hated that I had somewhere to go, hated that he never hesitated for a fucking second to call her on her bullshit when he was around to hear it. Also really fucked up her plans to marry me off to someone from the compound so she could worm her way back in, ingratiate herself into Big Daddy’s bed. We hadsomany fights about Cooper, and short of tying me to the fence, which she did do a couple of times, she could never keep us apart.”
Fucking hell. No wonder she was twitchy.
“Do you think it would help to look up your mother’s obituary? Might be a little morbid, but printing it off and keeping it in your wallet would help remind your survival instincts that she’s gone.”
“There isn’t one,” she said quietly. “I’ve looked. I never put one up for her, and I couldn’t name a single person who would go through the trouble to do it themselves on her behalf.”
“Maybe a death certificate, then? I could go to the county offices for you.”
She stared over at me, dark eyes shiny. “You would do that for me?”
“I need you to feel safe. If knowing an abuser is gone will help, I’d drive across the country for that.”
Cash caught my attention over Riley’s shoulder, signing out a quick question. “Everything okay?”
We had all been more diligent in learning sign language since Morgan had bonded into a pack with an alpha who primarily relied on it to communicate.
I offered a nod, keeping most of my focus on Riley. “I’d say I could go now, but the offices would be closed by the time I got there.”
“Can I come too?”
“Of course you can. Why don’t we plan for tomorrow morning?”
“Tomorrow works. I feel like a dick being excited for proof that my mom is dead.”
“Familial care has to go both directions,” I explained quietly. “The bond with family may always exist, but if it’s not nurtured, I’m of the mind that caring for the self is more important. It takes alotfor a child to go no contact, let alone to be grateful for the death of a parent. A truly extensive amount of abuse has to occur. I don’t blame you for needing the peace her death will bring.”
Cash air-motioned a hug behind Riley and I stepped subtly closer. That was all it took for her to turn from Tater Tot to me, sinking into my arms.
“It makes me feel so fucked up to hate her.” Riley shuddered, planting her forehead against my chest.
“You’re not,” I promised. “Abuse alters your brain and body, often with damage that can last a lifetime. Our goal is to mitigate that damage.”
