Page 40 of The Affair
‘Don’t, Jared. Please.’ She twisted her head free of his hands. ‘Listen, you were amazing last night. I don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t turned up …’ He was still standing there, and she eventually glanced up. His face was expressionless so she had no idea what he was thinking. ‘I shouldn’t have called you. It was wrong after what we agreed in Scotland. I’m so sorry.’ She saw a muscle flicker in his cheek, and then he smiled, the sun illuminating his turquoise eyes like precious stones. She found herself staring into them, then collected herself and dropped her gaze.
‘I’m just glad I could help,’ he said, moving away to stand by the window, looking out across the London skyline.
Connie really needed to get to the bathroom. She tried again to stand. It was better this time, there was no dizziness, but her legs were soft as butter. She didn’t want to ask for Jared’s help, after what she’d just said.But he was by her side in an instant. He held out his arm and she leaned on it gratefully as they made their way across the room.
She was shocked as she peered at her image in the dimly lit mirror. Her skin was grey, eyes bloodshot and bruised, hair lank. She was sure she smelt, too, after all that feverish sweating, but she didn’t feel strong enough to brave the shower.I look about ninety, she thought, embarrassed that Jared should see her like that.
When she emerged from the bathroom, he was dressed and sitting on the side of the bed, lacing his trainers. ‘You should ring your husband,’ he said.
Connie nodded, pushing away the thought that she should have called him hours ago.
‘I’ll ask at Reception for an extension to the room. They’ll be OK with it when I explain. And you should take another dose of antibiotics. It’s every four hours … eight, twelve, four, eight.’ His tone was businesslike as he rose to his feet and went to collect his jacket from the chair.
She felt a sudden tension. ‘Jared?’
He turned, his hand groping in his pocket, perhaps for his keys and his mobile. The look he returned was empty. She stepped towards him, but he made no move to embrace her. ‘Thank you,’ she said, and was horrified to see his beautiful eyes swimming with tears. She wanted to pull him into her arms, but knew she couldn’t. Jared was wiping his cheeks with the back of his hand.
‘Oh, Connie,’ he said softly. ‘I honestly thought you were dead.’
Taken aback, she put a hand on his arm, just lightly, although she was aching to comfort him properly. But even in her feverish state, she held back. Their gaze met. ‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered.
For a moment neither spoke. Then he took a deep breath and seemed to shake himself. A second later he’d yanked open the door and was gone.
17
‘I’m going to ring Dr Wright,’ Caitlin said, as she tucked Connie into the spare-room bed in their Shoreditch flat, which was in a converted warehouse, with huge casement windows, high ceilings, exposed brick, and a roof terrace where she had installed terracotta pots of all sizes, filled with herbs and other plants.
‘I’ve seen a doctor,’ Connie protested. ‘I’ve got the drugs.’
Caitlin looked worried. ‘He was probably from some dodgy out-of-hours service the hotel uses. He’d have just thrown you the first pills that came to hand so he could get back to bed.’
‘He seemed to know what he was doing,’ Connie said, although her memories of his brief visit were sketchy. ‘He said it might be a virus, but he didn’t know. He gave me antibiotics just in case, because the cough was so bad.’ When her daughter still did not look reassured, she went on, ‘If it’s a virus, we can only let it run its course.’
‘Hmm …’ Caitlin sat on the bed. ‘I still think we should get her to check you out.’
Connie, who just wanted to sleep, replied, ‘There’s really no need. I feel much better, sweetheart. I think I was just exhausted from holding it together on the tour.’
Caitlin nodded slowly. ‘You should have called me, Mum. I could have fetched you.’
‘I knew Ash was in Paris this week.’ Although the thought had not occurred to her last night.
‘Yes, but I could have bundled Bash into the car. How on earth did you get a doctor, anyway?’
‘I can’t remember much. I was so out of it …’Which is true, she thought, before she added the lie. ‘I must have phoned Reception and they sent one.’
Her daughter got up. ‘Right, well, what can I get you? Tea, maybe … Are you hungry?’ She checked her watch. ‘Dad said he’d be here around three. But I think you should stay tonight at least – as long as you want, Mum.’ She gave Connie a sympathetic smile. ‘It must have been so scary, being ill and alone in an unfamiliar hotel room.’
‘I think I was too far gone to mind,’ Connie replied, although she remembered the relief she’d felt, seeing Jared’s face.
‘Tea?’ Caitlin repeated.
‘Maybe just water for now. I think I’ll sleep.’
When Caitlin had set a jug of water and a glass on the bedside table and gone to fetch Bash from nursery, Connie rolled over on the clean, smooth pillow and closed her eyes. But she found she couldn’t sleep. Jared’s face kept coming back to her. He had been so frightened for her.
Never before had he shown Connie any signs of what she meant to him. He’d come and gone in such a casual way – his past, his emotional life, pretty much aclosed book. Once, in Warsaw, she’d mentioned to him that her mother had died recently, and asked about his parents. He’d looked away. ‘Nothing special,’ he’d said. She could feel the sudden tension, but she persevered, ‘Are they still alive?’
There had been a long pause. ‘My mother was a single parent, I was an only child … She … she had problems.’ Connie had waited for him to say more, but it was a long time before he added, ‘Dinah is the closest thing to family I have now.’ The challenging look in his eyes dared her to ask any more, and she dropped the subject, not wanting to upset him.
