Page 47 of Cozy Prisons
She sat up and shifted in his lap so she could face him. He kept his arms around her, but loosely so he didn’t impede her movement.
“I didn’t think about it that way, but maybe you're right,” she murmured. “The problem is that I can’t rest my fear. It only seems to multiply and get worse no matter what I do.”
“I’ve witnessed you trying to push past it, but perhaps that’s not the right way to go about things," he said, thinking outloud. “Maybe giving yourself time to let your fear-system realize you’re safe is the solution.”
Her shoulders slumped a little as she frowned down at her hands. “So you’re saying I should give up? That I should stay inside and never go anywhere?”
“That’s not what I’m suggesting at all,” he countered. “Let me help you. You were strong for everyone else before. It's our turn to be strong for you. It’s only fair.”
A half-smile pulled a corner of her mouth up. “You weren’t on Dandilow II. You don’t owe me anything.”
“Getting to be here with you right now is more than I could ever expect,” he said. “I owe you for this embrace alone. No one has ever clutched me before.”
“Clutch?” she repeated, then her eyebrows raised. “You mean hugged! You’ve never been hugged before?”
“It’s not part of our culture,” he explained. He had to remember that, unlike the humans that Squad Delta 223 brought back with them, Nataly and her friends hadn’t spent extensive time around Talins. They had little knowledge of his species' customs.
“Are you a virgin?” she asked, then she shook her head. “Don’t answer that, it was a rude question.”
“No, it’s fine. I’ve had two partners in my life,” he said. “Sexual relations aren’t encouraged outside of a marriage contract. In reality, they aren’t encouraged within a marriage contract either. Sex is a distraction from the two most important things in a Talin’s life.”
“What are those?" she asked. He liked that her expression went from sad and defeated to the more familiar interest and animated again.
“Service to the empire and personal growth,” he explained. “Our lives are not meant to be our own; they are meant to be lived as a reflection of our dedication to our empire.”
“That’s noble but cold,” she murmured. “I don’t even understand how you can have sex with someone and never hug them. Didn’t you guys cuddle afterward?”
It was his turn to clarify a word choice. “Cuddle? Do you mean what we’re doing right now?”
“I guess,” she agreed. “But cuddling could also happen in bed after, um, intercourse.”
“No, that doesn’t happen among us,” he said. “Sex is a race to pleasure. If you don’t match your partner's speed, then you’re left unsatisfied because they leave as soon as they’re done.”
“Talins have managed to make sex sound like a chore,” she muttered. “Sex shouldn’t be like that at all.”
It was yet another thing she thought he did wrong. Desperate to change the subject, he pointed to the second chair. “When did this arrive?”
Nataly followed his finger and shrugged. “Rami brought it on one of her visits.” She gave him a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “I guess you organizing the place made Rami bold enough to bring a chair so she and Illea could both sit without having to use my bed.”
He could tell she was trying to be humorous, so he sounded a rumble of amusement, but there was something off. “I promise I won't make you do anything you’re not comfortable with.”
“I know,” she said, then smiled for real. “I don’t think you want to face down my intruder protocols again.”
“That was impressive programming,” he said, happy to have a topic she found interesting again. “How did you make it so the bots didn’t go after you?”
“Trial and error,” she said, then launched into an explanation of all the different ways she tried to have the house identify and target an “intruder” instead of her.
As he listened to her, he came to understand something important. She felt affection for him, but it wasn’t as a potentialpartner. He’d watched the humans interact, and he knew there were all kinds of relationships they could have that weren’t romantic. Decard and Cassius were close and lived together, but didn’t share a bed or anything like that. They were stalwart companions, but not lovers.
Was this how Nataly saw him?
If that was the case, he’d have to be careful. He could live with a relationship on any terms Nataly wanted, but it would be hard to keep his scent glands to himself. Even now, they were full and aching to rub all over her.
Even without scent bonding, he’d experienced more affection with Nataly than anyone else in his entire life.
Simply holding her in his arms made life so much better. He could learn to live with the ache in his scent glands as long as she was in his life. Anything to stay close to her.
Nataly
