Page 39 of Saved by my Baby Daddy Spy
I sigh and nod. Though I can’t possibly understand what is going on in her head, I know it has to be hard for her. For so long, she’s been the one doing this on her own. Then I come back to town and everything about their routine and the way their lives work is going to change.
“She’s a better person than I am. She hasn’t put up a fight about anything. She let me stay for hours more than we had initially planned this afternoon. It was better than I thought it would have been.”
Brodie nods, looking thoughtful as he glances out the window. “Are you going to keep dating her while you’re figuring out what parenting looks like for you?”
“I want to,” I say, looking at the window and seeing the cars filtering in and out of the parking lot. “But she thinks it would be better if we put all that on hold. I know she’s right, but it still bothers me.”
“Does it bother you because you see a future with her, or because you’re trying to create the perfect little family out of nowhere?”
There are times when I hate how well Brodie knows me. Of course, someone will get to know the best and worst parts of you when you spend every single day on the edge of life and death with them.
“A little bit of both. I don’t know if there is a future with her. Hell, she could be interested in someone else for all I know, and the date was just an excuse to tell me about Kerrigan.”
Brodie shakes his head. “Don’t do that. You just got done saying she’s a good person. Don’t diminish that by letting your fears play with your head.”
I cross one leg over the other. Though I know he’s right, it’s hard not to think about what else could be going on in Hannah’s life. I’ve been gone for a little over two years, and it isn’t as if we were anything to each other before I left.
“Do you want advice or do you want to vent?” Brodie asks as he grabs the remote and mutes the television playing in the background.
I consider it for a moment. “Advice.”
“You need to just sit back and enjoy this for what it is right now. You have a chance to build your own family — whatever that may look like — and you just need to let it happen. Stop trying to make everything perfect right this minute. Focus on your daughter and let the rest fall into place where it will.”
“Just go with the flow is your advice?” My tone is teasing as I shake my head. “I could have gone to a tourist shop for a novelty shirt with that saying on it.”
“Yeah.” Brodie chuckles and shrugs. “It’s more meaningful coming from me, though. We both know that.”
“You keep telling yourself that.” I smile, some of the tension leaving my body as I lean back in the chair. “Pick something good to watch. Not one of those trash reality shows you love so much.”
“You love the trash shows too, whether you want to admit it or not.” Brodie puts on a comedy movie we’ve both seen a dozen times and closes his eyes. “You know, you don’t have to stay here. I’m probably going to sleep for a little bit.”
I shrug and pull the lever on the side of the chair to pop the footrest. “Nope. I’ll stay here for a bit. This is one of my favorite movies.”
Brodie sighs and pulls his blankets up a little higher. His usual easy smile fades from his face and for the first time, I get a glimpse of how hard this is on him.
It’s a glimpse that nobody else is going to see. He needs me right now. He doesn’t have any friends or family in the city. I’m the only one around to take care of him and make sure that he gets through this without feeling like complete shit the entire time.
Hannah is right. A relationship between us would be too much right now.
We both have other things we need to focus on.
Chapter Fourteen
Hannah
Holdenhasbeenoverevery day for the last week, but I don’t even know what to think about that, I guess it just shows how much they both enjoy each other’s company. Kerrigan has been following him around, unhappy if anyone else tries to hold her when she’s upset.
On one hand, I’m glad to see that she is already attached to Holden, but on the other, there is a part of me that feels like I’m being robbed of something, though I don’t know what.
All I wanted for the last two years was for Kerrigan to have her father in her life. Now that she does, I don’t know what to do.
I feel like I’m out of my depth, though that could be the lack of sleep talking.
With a groan, I rub my eyes and try to focus on the screen in front of me. It’s well after midnight, and I’ve been staring at a blank page for hours. This new novel is going to be the death of me.
Murder and spies, I know how to write.
Two people who would kill for their love, that’s a little harder.
