Page 128 of Ruin
He came back.
He fucking came back.
“Can I go with you next time?” I ask against his lips.
He chuckles as he rocks into me. “We’ll see.”
Kissing my lips again, he thrusts deeper, then sits back on his knees and fucks me so hard the headboard slams againstthe wall. The smell of plaster tells me there are holes, but that’s a problem for later. I think he was redoing these walls, anyway.
“Don’t leave me,” I say when I’m so close I’ll explode any second.
“I’m here, baby. I’m not going anywhere.”
Lucian’s hands tighten on my thighs, dragging his nails along my skin. My dick slaps against my lower stomach as he continues to fuck me, leaving a small puddle of cum. I’m surprised I’m still hanging on, but I really want us to come together. The pleasure grows and soon it’s too much to take.
“Lucian, I have to come,” I tell him as I reach for my dick.
He slaps my hand away and wraps his hand around me, and I explode. I groan loudly, my body pulsing as the orgasm courses through me. At the same time, I feel his dick throbbing inside me, his cum hot and wet.
“Fuck,” he hisses as my body tightens around him, drawing out his pleasure too. He lets out a slow breath. “Fuck, Kolton.”
He leans over me again, kissing me as his hand holds my chin. “I love you so fucking much.”
“I love you too,” I tell him with a smile. “And you came back.”
“I told you I will always come back to you,” he whispers as he buries his face against my neck.
I wrap my arms around him, and we fall asleep.
Chapter Fifty-Two
Kolton
A few of the guys are already at the clubhouse when I arrive. Breakfast is made, as it usually is, and today I grab myself a plate. Shark stares at me from his spot at the table.
“What?” I ask as I sit beside him.
“You never eat the food.”
“It’s pancakes. How do you fuck up pancakes?”
“By spitting in them.”
I stare down at my plate, sighing. “Fuck you, Shark.”
He laughs, and I drizzle syrup on them before cutting into them and hesitantly taking a bite, forcing myself not to imagine Spam, or anyone else, spitting into the pancake batter.
This is why I don’t talk to people. They use my shit against me.
However, I guess that’s what brothers are supposed to do, and maybe it’ll help me deal with the shit going on in my head. The more he fucks with me, the more I have to work at ignoringit, the easier it may be to get over it. Or at the very least, live with it in a way where it isn’t too much. I mean, he and his girlfriend are living in my house right now. I’m not there ritualistically cleaning it. I’m staying with Lucian and living out of my duffel bags—something he said he would remedy today while I was gone. He would put all my things away. More progress. Normally, I wouldn’t let anyone touch my things. And to top it all off, his house is so dirty it’s not even funny. And not dirty from trash, but because he’s remodeling. There is sawdust and dust everywhere. Tools all over, paint splattered here and there. It’s truly a mess.
But now that I’m finding joy in some things and have Lucian by my side, it’s easier to deal with the stuff that bothers me. I know what it is, and I know there isn’t a cure for it, but it is manageable, and I read that sometimes the best way to deal with something like OCD is to keep your mind busy and occupied. The more free time you have, the more your thoughts roam and wander and obsess. OCD isn’t just having to wash your hands a million times a day or making sure your stove is off before you leave the house. It can be so much more than that.
Shark, Ghost, Spam, and I chat as we eat. More guys show up, they get their food and join in on the conversation. It all feels normal. I don’t feel like an outsider, like I had before. Now that I’m allowing myself to be a part of it, I realize it’s not everyone else all the time. Sometimes it is me.
By the time we’re finished eating, it’s time to go in for the meeting. We sit in our usual chairs, and I put my laptop downin front of me but don’t open it yet as I want to focus on what Coyote has to say.
“So, we’ve had an interesting weekend,” Coyote starts, tapping on the table before getting to his feet. “First of all, I want to apologize to you all for the way I’ve been acting. It was unfair to everyone and outright disrespectful, but I’m hoping we can move past all that and become stronger.”
