Page 104 of Until Tomorrow
“Oh, well, then that makes it all better,” Elliot retorted. “Good lord… pearls in his dick. Jesus fuck, Eva. You just went all out with this one, didn’t you?”
“Just wait until you find out I stalked him.”
“Youwhat?” That high-pitched disbelief in his voice had me laughing all over again until I couldn’t breathe.
Chapter 52
Logan
“Ididn’texpecttohear from you,” I said as I answered my phone.
“Well, my trip will take a little longer than expected, so I wanted to check in on you,” Amelia replied. “We were right in the middle of some very important things.”
“We were,” I agreed. I shifted in my seat, trying to find a way to get comfortable in the front seat of my car. Across the lot, I offered Loren a small wave and held up a finger, silently asking for a minute.Date night certainly started differently when you fielded a call from your therapist.“But, please, don’t think you have to call. I know how trying family situations can be.”
I only saw my family once a year for my dad’s birthday, but I was privy to everything that happened in their lives.And I did mean everything.My mom had a thing for oversharing as if her life depended on it. I did not envy my brother, who lived one block over. He heard all of her drama.
“Don’t worry, Logan. I wouldn’t have called if I didn’t have time for you,” she told me with a slight laugh. “I have a few minutes now if you do.”
“I only have a few, but that would be nice.”
“How are you?” Amelia asked.
“I’m doing okay,” I told her. I paused, taking a momentary stock of everything. For the most part, I was okay. Conflicted but happier than I’d been in a long time. However, there was a major hole where Elliot’s presence was concerned.
“You paused. Are you sure about that?”
“Elliot found my dating profile.” I sighed and reclined the seat a little. I was going to be here a lot longer than just a minute.
“And how did that go?”
“First, he thought I was cheating on my wife. Then, he stormed my work screaming about it.” Just the thought of that made my heart kick up. I tipped my head back against the seat and focused on my breathing. So far, it seemed like no one in my office had a clue what had happened between Elliot and me. I didn’t want the people at work to know about what I was doing—not yet. Not until I was comfortable. Yes, I was oddly comfortable with small displays of affection with Loren, but it was conditional. His end of town was nowhere near anyone I knew. I fell into a false sense of security when I was around him. “And then he didn’t realize my profile only showed up for him because I’m on it looking to date men.”
“That’s quite a big issue for you,” Amelia said. “How do you feel about him outing you at work?”
“He didn’t. At least I don’t think he did. The yelling was behind a closed door, so I don’t think anyone heard. I have no idea how to tell if they did—”
“Focus on the question, Logan,” she interrupted. “How do you feel about what happened around your coworkers? I know people finding out about your sexuality was a serious concern of yours.”
“I’m… afraid of how it’ll affect my career,” I admitted. “But I don’t… I don’t care what they think of me. I don’t know how to describe that, but I care about my job. At least, right now I do. I need my job, and I don’t need it to be any more difficult than it already is, you know?”
“I do. And how do you feel about Elliot knowing?” Ah, yes. The real question I couldn’t figure out the answer to.
“I don’t know,” I said. “He’s not taking it well. I feel like I’m losing my best friend.”
“Because you’re queer?” Because I was queer. That sentence still resonated wildly in me. I was, wasn’t I?
“Because I didn’t tell him?” Why was I asking her?
“Are you sure that’s the reason, or are you guessing?”
“I don’t know.” I sighed. “I’m almost positive it’s because I didn’t tell him.”
“You know, you’ve spoken extensively about Elliot’s importance and value in your life,” Amelia reminded me.
“He’s always been important to me.”
“But if he’s as important as you’ve stated, why wouldn’t you tell him?” she asked. “Why wouldn’t you want his support? Especially at a point like this in your life when that support is pivotal. Going through what you’re going through is a big deal for anyone. We’ve talked about the network you should have in place to process it, especially with your anxiety.”
