Page 97 of Until Tomorrow
“Honestly, I don’t know—”
“So, you’re just catfishing people—”
“No!” I exclaimed. “Jesus Christ, Elliot, is that what you think of me? Do you honestly think I could do something like that?”
“Up until today, you were my straight best friend, who was happily married to my other best friend,” Elliot said. “And nowthis. I don’t know what to think anymore, Logan. I don’t know a damn thing about you right now.”
Those words hurt. I told myself that he was just angry about being left out—that he didn’t actually think those things.
“Yes, I’m interested in men,” I told him, feeling my chest tighten with the admission. I did my best to sit still and tried not to let my anxiety get the better of me. “But I don’t know that I’m bi-curious. I’m still trying to figure that one out with my therapist.”
“You’re in therapy?”
“I started going after Eva and I got back together,” I said. “She specializes in non-traditional relationships, and she’s been helping me figure out my sexuality.”
“Is this why you tried to divorce Eva?” he asked.
“Yeah. I wanted to figure myself out, and I didn’t want to cheat on Eva to do so. I don’t expect you to understand, Elliot,” I whispered. “You’ve always been so sure of yourself. You questioned yourself for all of a minute, and then, everything was fine. It’s not like that for me. There was a moment that just… changed shit for me… and I’m trying to figure out what it all means.”
Something inexplicable rolled through his expression as he sat back and crossed his arms. It morphed into explicit understanding.
“My birthday… when I tried to kiss you,” he replied. “You tried to divorce Eva not too long after that.”
“You remember that?”
“Yeah, I was kind of hoping we’d pretend it never happened if I pretended I didn’t remember it,” Elliot admitted. “But it was one stupid moment between us, Logan. It doesn’t mean a thing. We were drunk.”
“You were drunk,” I corrected. “I wasn’t drunk. And it wasn’t just a stupid moment. Maybe it was. I don’t know. But either way, it brought a lot of things to the surface for me.”
“I’m not trying to question you—I hope you know that—but do you think that makes you interested in men? Are you actually wanting to date men and—”
“I am dating a man,” I interjected. My words stopped him short, and his eyes widened slightly. “I’ve gone out with a few different guys, but I’ve been dating Loren for a few weeks.”
“Loren…” he repeated.
“Yes.” I nodded. “It’s nothing serious. He’s looking for a more casual relationship right now, which honestly works for me. We’ve gone out on a few dates and done… some things, but that’s it.”
My ears burned painfully hot at that admission. I’d never been a PDA kind of person, and talking about sex in general wasn’t a conversation I enjoyed. It’d always been something private between Eva and me. Even now, with the addition of Loren, I still found that I didn’t want to talk about it. Ashamed? No. Private. Yes.
“Oh.” Elliot pressed his lips together, nodding slowly. I would’ve given anything to know what he was thinking. We sat in silence while he processed everything. I did my best to keep from rambling to fill that space because the silence was slowly killing me. Finally, he asked, “And where does Eva fall in this? Does she know—I’m assuming she knows. She better fucking know, Logan.”
“She knows,” I assured him. “Eva was introduced to the concept of polyamory through a woman she met—the woman who is my therapist now. We went to a seminar together. It was an interview with a polycule talking about how they make it work and the benefits and such. She and I talked about a lot afterward and decided to try that route. I never wanted to leave her, Elliot. I just… this gives me the chance to figure myself out and still maintain my marriage.”
“And is she dating?”
“She is. She’s dating the guy who punched out one of her dates.”
“Oh, Jesus fuck.”
“To be fair, the date he punched insinuated that she owed him sex because he was throwing her a bone and that women of her size couldn’t be picky,” I said.
“I’m going to need his full name and address,” Elliot snapped, his tone dark. “I’m about to go burn a house down.”
“I got him fired and blacklisted in his industry, but he doesn’t know it was me. I blackmailed him into dropping the assault charges against her partner—my silence for him dropping them. But that didn’t stop his boss, a very body-positive, progressive woman, from receiving an anonymous tip about her employee’s behavior.”
Was it probably the wrong thing to do? Maybe. But I didn’t care. The man didn’t deserve to be let off without consequences.
“God, I fucking love you.” He laughed. While I knew how he meant the words, that didn’t stop them from doing something to my stomach. “Is she happy?”
