Page 31 of Until Tomorrow
“Loren and I were early into our relationship when we discussed polyamory. We’d been dating… what? A year?” Katy asked and swiveled in the chair to look at Loren.
“I mean, I’d been dating you for eleven years at that point,” Loren teased. “But yeah, we’d been together for about a year when it was a conversation we had. It took me a while to figure out my sexuality. Honestly, I was a bit late to the whole dating game. I had a lot going on and didn’t think about dating until I was in my early twenties, which is fine. No big deal. Everyone grows differently. But we had some struggles early on because I was still trying to sort myself out.”
“And it wasn’t a foreign concept to me,” she added. “My parents are polyamorous. They didn’t have a house with their partners like we have—it’s different for everyone—but I know their partners, I love their partners, and they’re my family. I had never really thought about it for myself, but it wasn’t like I was opposed to it. So, when we started talking more about his sexuality, it just made sense. There was nothing wrong with our relationship, but his needs extended beyond what I could offer.”
“Which was a wild concept to me at first,” Loren admitted. “Though, honestly, I think it made me more comfortable to explore what it was that I wanted for my life because I didn’t have to give up one to have the other .”
Eva’s hand tightened around mine. I couldn’t look at her. All of it hit home a little too hard, which maybe she realized from the way my leg bounced anxiously.
“Obviously, their situation is one reason,” Avery said. “There are any number of reasons why someone could choose a polyamorous lifestyle. It doesn’t have to come down to sexuality. For me, I have a limited social battery. I was homeschooled because of it, and I did online college. I just… I have a week of self-care planned just to deal with doing an event like this. I like this arrangement because I can be more selective about the time and energy I invest in Katy. I give her everything I can, but it’s comforting knowing she has Loren because I know I leave a lot to be desired.”
“I don’t think you leave anything to be desired,” Katy told him, and he merely shrugged. “But I understand where you’re coming from.”
“The whole point is there’s no one definitive checkbox you have to cross off if you’re interested in the poly lifestyle,” Jack stated.
“So, where does polyamory fit into the LGBTQ community?”
“It doesn’t,” Avery replied.
“Straight, straight,” Loren pointed down the line, starting with Avery and then Katy, “I’m bisexual, and Jack’s just an agent of chaos at this point.”
“It’s true,” Jack agreed. “I have more fun that way. The fact is, you can have a whole polycule of straight people. Sexuality isn’t a factor. Though, last I checked, it is more common among the queer community.”
“When was the last time you checked?” Loren demanded with a grin. Stomping, Jack made a show of standing and pulling out his phone.
“Google and I are best friends,” he muttered as he typed something into his phone.
“No one wants to know your porn history, Jay,” Katy teased.
“Please, I use incognito. Google don’t know athang,” he retorted. “And I’m right according to Google.”
“Why are we raising hands?” Loren exclaimed and waved to someone in the audience. “Talk to us. Shout it out. It’s an open-floor discussion. No hand raising. I feel like I’m back in school.”
“You are in a school,” Jack reminded him.
“Shut it, Captain.” He chuckled. “What’s your question, dear?”
“If you had to give one piece of advice to anyone interested in polyamory, what would it be?” the young woman asked.
“Communication,” Avery and Katy answered simultaneously.
“What they said,” Jack agreed, pointing down the row.
“Talk about everything. Literally everything,” Katy elaborated. “That doesn’t mean sit there and give all the intimate details, but you can’t keep secrets. You can’t hope your partners just figure things out. You have to talk, talk, talk. And then talk some more. Feelings, needs, wants, boundaries, all of it. Everyone must be in the same place.”
“The minute you start keeping things from each other is the minute you fail,” Loren said.
Why, out of everything, was that what stuck out?Not that everything else hadn’t made me feel in some kind of way. The conversation moved on, but I was stuck on that single notion.
Not talking to Eva had been where all of this started. What might’ve happened if I had talked to her in the first place? That what-if stuck with me was the star of my late-night and drunken thoughts. Talking was never something I was good at. Feelings and matters of the heart were something I struggled to articulate.
But I was drowning.At least I felt like I was.Not talking about it wasn’t making it any better. Maybe it was a sign that I needed to start talking—at the very least to Eva.
Chapter 21
Logan
Despitebeinginalobby full of people, I felt alone and stuck inside my head. I hugged a wall as I organized the thoughts in my head. Shortly after the presentation ended, everyone filed out—Eva included—with the promise of finding me in a bit. I didn’t mind. I needed a moment to think.Or like a month with them.
