Page 37 of Single Mom for the Mountain Men
“I don’t think your brothers think of it as trouble, Tanner,” I say gingerly. “They care for you, so they’ll help you, even if it is unpleasant. That is how love works. You go to lengths you don’t think are possible just so someone you love is happy or content or safe. Brody and Aiden would ride or die for you.”
The corners of his mouth rise slightly. “Lena, you don’t understand the whole situation. You know that Brody has PTSD, right?”
I rock on the balls of my feet, rolling my lower lip into my mouth. “Yeah, I do.”
“Then, you also must know that he gets panic attacks, sometimes more frequently than he can stand. You think Aiden and I don’t know about it? We do. But we don’t ask him how he is. We don’t go into his room when he’s facing that. Once he’s better, we all sit together or cook something he likes. We watch something on TV while cracking open a cold one. That silent support we offer him keeps his dignity intact. It allows him to feel that he’s still strong, that he’s still the same Brody.”
“But you both don’t judge him for what he’s going through. You know he’s suffered, so talking about it is better,” I counter, confused by his line of reasoning.
“It’s not about judgment. It’s about support. We know whatever has happened, has happened, and that offering empty words won’t help. Just like today, when Aiden and Brody knew to leave with you two when I ordered them to. They could have gone against my word, and one of them could have stayed behind to back me up, but they didn’t. That is their way of trusting my word and showing me support. It shows that they trust me enough to make it back home safely.”
I blink, my mouth parting open, then closing again a moment later.
“I can’t say I get what you mean, but if this is how you feel it should be, I can’t change your mind. If I was in your brothers’ shoes, though, I would have stayed behind and escaped with you. Not because I don’t trust your word or doubt your capabilities, but because I care about you and want you to be safe.”
He gives me the usual Tanner smile, only it’s less cocksure. “We have always worked this way, Lena. We all have our demons, but this is how the three of us choose to deal with them. Of course, if it was you, you would have chosen to deal with it differently. You’ve probably made choices in your worst times that we would have done differently. That doesn’t make anyone right or wrong. It’s just how things are.”
I frown. “I guess, yeah.”
His eyes soften slightly as he looks down at me, stepping close so our toes brush. He brings his hand up and cups my cheek, caressing my skin with his thumb.
“Thank you, though, for caring about me and talking with me about it. I like that you cared enough to check on me, and I’m also sorry for the way I reacted.”
“It’s all right, Tanner,” I respond softly and hold onto his wrist, “I know now that it must have felt invasive, since you don’t talk about these things with anyone. I accept your apology.”
We smile at each other for a moment, time slowing to a stop around us. In the soft light of his room, everything feels dreamy, like we’re suspended in some magical place where responsibilities and limits don’t exist.
Our breathing is in sync, and I feel at peace like I have never before. Tanner’s face is soft. The usual cockiness that his posture exudes is gone. The bond I’ve felt with him ever since we started spending time together has gotten stronger and stronger. It feelslike it’s unbreakable now. I feel connected to him and much closer to understanding the way his mind works with its little idiosyncrasies.
It feels…nice. Rewarding. Like I’m doing something right. Like things are falling into place.
Chapter eighteen
CHAPTER 18: Brody
The morning air is crisp today.
The sun has just emerged and is on its way toward the center of the sky. Little birds sing their morning songs, perched atop the tallest branches of the trees that line the path between our cabins.
We don’t need any firewood today, which Aiden had told me while he was making his coffee lazily in the kitchen.
“You can go back to sleep for a few more minutes if you want.” He yawns, rubbing his eyes. “I’m gonna go outside and keep watch.”
“I think you need to take up your own suggestion. You can barely open your eyes. I was gonna head out for a jog, anyway.”
He waves me off, but I know that he’ll be snoozing on the couch when I come back.
The cold air refreshes me as it enters my lungs, like a detox of sorts. As much as I hate the mornings, the early morning workouts energize me like no other.
These workouts pass in a jiffy, anyway, because my mind is occupied with thoughts of Lena.
The woman is a walking contradiction. She’s so gentle and holds the people she cares about so softly, like they’re something that can fall apart at the slightest touch. At the same time, she’s fierce and firm, especially when it comes to setting boundaries with us or Sophie. There are things we are allowed to do, like care for them and protect them, which we have vowed to do so with our lives, and things we aren’t allowed to do, like spoil Sophie with too many sweets because she gets an upset stomach.
The worst, or the best thing maybe, is the fact that she has seen me at my weakest. Somehow, I let her in at my lowest point. I’ve never done that with anyone else.
With shaky legs and sweat coating my brow, and the ricochet of bullets echoing in my ears, nothing felt real. I could barely recognize my own face in the mirror. Her voice felt like it was coming to me underwater, distorted and unrecognizable.
I could have hurt her, then. If the memory and my panic attack had been more violent, I could have attacked her, thinking she was some spy or someone sent to hunt me down.
