Page 54 of All Wrapped Up
‘So, I’m not repulsive then?’
‘Of course not.’
‘Well, that’s all right then,’ he sighed, leaning back. ‘I was beginning to get a complex.’
I shook my head at that. ‘No, you weren’t,’ I tutted. ‘And don’t go getting all self-absorbed because now’s not the time.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because,’ I faltered, ‘because… there’s something I want to tell you and if you’re being silly and huffy, I won’t be able to.’
Sensing the mood had properly changed, he sat forward again. ‘What is it?’ he asked. ‘Tell me.’
I took a deep breath.
‘You do know that I consider us the best of friends, don’t you?’ Ash said seriously when I didn’t launch forth. ‘And that you can tell me anything in complete confidence.’
‘Thank you for that.’ I swallowed. ‘It truly means a lot to hear you say that because I haven’t actually made friends with anyone for a very long time. And I know I’m getting to know Lizzie, Jemma, and even Joanne, now, but I do feel that there’s a different sort of connection with you, Ash.’
‘Good,’ he nodded. ‘Because I feel that way, too.’
I relaxed a little as a result of his sincerely said words.
‘I have been worried that Joanne’s interference and her potentially continued meddling, actually might spoil things for us,’ I admitted.
‘Not a chance.’
‘Well, that’s good,’ I said, as I geared myself up, ‘because there’s something in particular that I want to share with you and, for now at least, only you.’
‘Go on,’ he encouraged.
Having now said twice that I had something to tell him, I supposed then was the moment to get on with it.
‘I want to tell you,’ I finally began, clasping my hands tightly together on my lap, ‘I want to tell you, the reason why untilvery recently, I’ve been living the life of a recluse here in Rowan Cottage.’
‘Because you’ve been focused on the renovation. ‘Ash frowned.
‘No,’ I said, unclasping my hands again. ‘No, that’s a part of it, but nowhere near the whole of it.’
I let out a long breath and closed my eyes for a moment.
‘Whatever it is,’ Ash said softly, ‘you can tell me, Clemmie. You can trust me.’
‘I know that.’ I smiled, when I opened my eyes again. ‘I’ve never properly doubted that. But it’s hard. Very hard. Even though I want to tell you.’
I’d never talked to anyone other than my parents, and Pixie, about what had happened and it was harder than I had expected it to be to try and push the words out, and in spite of the fact that it was Ash that I was talking to.
I didn’t know what it was about him that had singled him out as confidante material. I’d been friends with guys before, but never felt such a close bond and so quickly and I was grateful for his patience now. Callum had been my best friend, of course, but he had been my husband too, which put him in an entirely different category of friend to Ash.
‘There’s a reason beyond ruining our friendship as to why I’m so resistant to, and upset by, Joanne’s love of matchmaking, where I’m concerned, anyway,’ I continued, coming at it from a slightly different direction. ‘It’s because… it’s because, I’m a… widow.’
‘A widow,’ Ash gasped.
‘Yes,’ I said, letting out a juddering breath. ‘The man I was married to, and utterly in love with, was killed in an accident in the town we grew up in.’
‘Oh, Clemmie.’
‘I moved here eighteen months after it happened,’ I quickly carried on, ‘with a view to processing my grief and coming to terms with it all and now that I have, now that I can properly breathe, I’m finally starting to join in with the world again.’
