Page 55 of All Wrapped Up
‘I’m so sorry,’ Ash said, running a hand through his hair and blinking hard. ‘I had no idea. I’m so sorry this has happened to you.’
He sounded completely floored.
‘Thank you,’ I said, wiping away a tear and then taking a moment to collect myself. ‘And besides you, Ash,’ I then continued, realising that attempting this conversation with the other people I was getting to know, would still be too much, ‘I’m not ready to tell—’
‘Anyone,’ Ash cut in accurately. ‘You’re not ready to tell anyone. I understand that. And you know I won’t say a word, don’t you? You know you can trust me completely.’
‘I do know that,’ I said, feeling grateful. ‘I’m sure I’ll be ready for it all to come out one day, but not for a while. I’m not there yet.’
‘And no wonder you were so troubled by Joanne’s preoccupation with pushing people together.’ Ash then frowned. ‘The last thing you want right now is someone trying to set you up.’
‘That’s the last thing I’lleverwant,’ I said, with emphasis. ‘My heart was broken into a million fragments when Callum died, and even though I’ve somehow glued them back into some sort of shape, I’ll never risk falling in love and suffering the pain of that catastrophic loss again.’
Chapter 14
Given that I had never actually said the words out loud to anyone before, when I later thought back over the conversation with Ash, I thought I had managed them well overall. I had been dreading the moment as the evening went on, but I knew I had ultimately coped because I had chosen the right person to confide in and also because I had previously allowed my grief free rein and myself the time to process it on a timescale that worked for me. Of course, it had been painful to talk about, but not unbearable.
Poor Ash, however, looked as though he’d had the stuffing completely knocked out of him. He had sympathised but not pried, and his manner had been both tender and kind, in spite of the shock. My hope of finding him a stalwart friend, even though we had only recently been introduced, had been confirmed. He was even more than I could have hoped for when I had made my brave decision to embrace a more sociable life again.
As I nudged my pillow into a more appealing shape that night and tried not to disturb Pixie who had no difficulty in falling asleep, I couldn’t decide if my inability to nod off was the resultof my conversation with Ash or if I was feeling nervous about the festival launch which was suddenly the next day.
It was long after midnight, when I settled on it most likely being a bit of both and finally nodded off.
Ash was back at Rowan Cottage, bright and early the following morning. I had wondered if there might be any awkwardness between us, but he didn’t broach the subject again and we carried on as we always had. He arrived with an air of anxiety and excitement solely reserved for the day ahead. I was sure we would talk more about my past in the weeks to come, but on that particular Saturday, we were focused on nothing but the festival and getting it off to the best possible start.
‘Come on!’ Ash urged, as I pottered about in the kitchen and determinedly tried to stay calmer than he apparently was.
‘I am coming on.’ I smiled serenely.
The day was a huge undertaking for me and I was determined to remain tranquil in my approach to it, on the outside at least. I knew that if I succumbed to the jitters before I even got dressed, I most likely wouldn’t go into town at all.
‘I thought you’d be ready by now, Clemmie,’ Ash scolded, as he pointed at my dressing gown. ‘We’re going to be late.’
‘No, we’re not,’ I said firmly, in the face of his fussing. ‘We’ve got plenty of time. Here,’ I added, thrusting a honey covered crumpet into his hands. ‘Eat this and calm down.’
He took a huge bite, chewed for nowhere near long enough and swallowed with a loud gulp.
‘You’ll give yourself indigestion, eating like that,’ I tutted.
‘Aren’t you nervous?’ he asked, as he licked the honey off his fingers. ‘If I were you, I’d be terrified.’
‘I am a bit nervous,’ I confessed, ‘but I’m trying to keep my head. Unlike you. Your increasingly Tiggerish behaviour isn’t helping at all.’
‘Sorry,’ he apologised, looking chastened.
‘Everything’s organised,’ I reminded him, ‘so there’s nothing to get worked up about, is there?’
‘I suppose…’
‘The extra market stalls went up yesterday and the stallholders know which ones they’ve been allocated,’ I reeled off. ‘And the shops are all responsible for their own window dressings and autumn themed stock. Aside from hanging a little more bunting around the square and arranging some seasonal veg, there’s nothing left for me to do. It’s just the market and a couple of other small things happening today and they’re all set.’
Along with some of the stallholders selling their autumn themed wares, Jemma was going to be officially launching her Autumn Delights menu, which she’d held back, and Lizzie was offering a simple craft workshop for children in the gallery next door. Even the weather was behaving – cool and bright – and everything was poised to run like a well-oiled machine. Some nerves still required, but nothing to get in a flap about.
‘That’s as maybe,’ Ash commented, as he noisily shoved another couple of crumpets into the toaster, ‘but I’d be bricking it if I had to stand up in front of everyone and make a speech. Public speaking is definitely not my forte. And as for judging the shop windows. Geez! That’s going to be a minefield.’
I had been about to pour tea from my favourite pot, but my hand froze in mid-air. ‘What are you jabbering about?’ I stammered.
‘Well,’ he said, with a shrug, ‘everyone knows that the window dressing rivalry between the stationers and the—’
