Page 52 of Hidden Vows
“I hate that it’s been so long since I’ve seen you and heard your voice. I hate that I don’t know every tiny facet of your life over those years, and if I could take that back without losing all the growth both of us have had, I would—in a heartbeat.”
It’s silent on the other side of the door, but there’s something in my gut telling me she’s still there. She’s still listening.
“Abbey. Open the door. Let’s talk about it.”
I don’t hear anything, but the door stays closed for so long I think she might really be telling me it’s done. I know she felt what I did Friday night, but maybe too much time has passed. Maybe we’ve grown apart more than I thought. Maybe everything we felt was just leftovers from our time before.
Maybe it was the final piece of closure Abbey needed.
I don’t want to believe it, but I can’t deny that it’s a possibility.
Then I hear the sound of metal slowly shifting and my eyes fly to the doorknob as it turns. Abbey stands there, her hair in a messy knot on top of her head, still in the dusty, paint covered overalls she always wears while working in the bookstore, with eyes red and puffy—likely from crying. Even in the picture of mess and sadness, she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.
I don’t let her say anything before I pull her into me, my arms wrapping around her as I simply hold her. It’s the feel of her arms winding around me and gripping the back of my shirt so tight Ithink she might tear it that tells me everything will be okay. We still have a lot to talk about and work through, but I know all those thoughts that just raced through my head are wrong.
Abbey’s not trying to move on from us either.
I don’t know how long we stand here holding each other, but I won’t be the one to pull away first. I’ll stand here for the rest of my life if that’s what she needs. It’s the sound of the door at the bottom of the stairs leading up to our apartments that has us slipping away from each other.
My eyes don’t travel to the stairs as I hear the footsteps moving closer. My gaze stays trained on Abbey, which is why I see the exact moment her entire body goes still when the voice calls up the stairs.
I don’t know what I expected. I guess I assumed I’d know the person showing up at our doors at ten o’clock on a Tuesday night, but the voice that sounds is not one I recognize.
“Abbey! You home? I know it’s late, but I was passing through and thought I’d stop by.”
It’s subtle, but her eyes go wide for a moment before she wipes quickly at her cheeks, her eyes bouncing between mine and the stairs behind me. Whoever it is has her nervous.
“Hey.” The voice is quieter now, and maybe a little surprised to find someone else standing here with Abbey, but that doesn’t stop the man from stepping around me to place a kiss to Abbey’s cheek. “I’m glad you’re still up.”
There are so many reasons for me to hate this man. Not only did he brush past me like I wasn’t just in Abbey’s space, but his lips were centimeters from my wife’s lips.
“Chuck, what are you doing here?” Abbey asks, pushing him away.
“I missed you, and I figured since I haven’t seen you in a while…” His words trail off as he offers her a crooked smile and steps back into her space, bringing his hand to her waist in a possessive hold.
And then it clicks. These two are together, and I’m the one in the way here.
Without waiting to see where this goes, I spin on my heels and rush down the stairs—away from the love of my life with another man.
“Jude, wait!” Abbey hollers after me, but I don’t slow down. “Chuck, I need you to go.”
I hear her door slam and hurried steps rushing down the stairs, but I can’t stop moving. I don’t know why I’m so surprised, but I am. I’m also hurt. Abbey has every right to do whatever she wants with her life, but the idea that she could be with someone else is like a pain I’ve never experienced before—not even when I ruined everything all those years ago.
“Jude, please!” Abbey catches up to me, grabbing my arm and tugging. “Stop, please. Talk to me,” she begs.
“There’s nothing to talk about.” I stop walking, but don’t turn around. I can’t bring myself to look at her.
Those words aren’t fair, especially when all I’ve wanted since I came home was for Abbey to listen to me. And now, when she wants the same from me, I can’t give it to her.
“Clearly, there is.” She steps around me, forcing my eyes to meet hers. “Jude,” she whispers. “You can’t seriously tell me you thought I’d never be with someone else for the rest of my life.”
“Why not? I haven’t been.”
“What?” She stumbles back, shocked by my words. Honestly, so am I.
It’s another unfair statement to make. I may have been celibate for the last seventeen years, but I never thought or wanted Abbeyto be alone. I always wished and hoped she found someone else to be happy with. Abbey deserves to spend her life with someone. To have a family with someone. I just never wanted to witness it.
“There’s been no one. I’ve only ever been with you,” I whisper.
