Page 53 of Hidden Vows
Her mouth opens and closes, her head moving back and forth so minutely it’d be easy to miss. “What do you mean?” she breathes out. “That can’t be right.” Her eyes fill with tears, and all the fight and anger falls away.
“I never cheated on you, Abbey. You said it yourself. I lied to you, I just didn’t know how else to get you to hear me.” Not when I’d been telling her for days that we needed to end things. That I wasn’t good enough for her.
“If it was a lie back then, how can I believe you now?” she whispers.
Through the tears I see the hope in her eyes. She wants the truth, and I want to give it to her, but I know it’s going to hurt her, and I hate that I’ll be the person causing her pain yet again.
“Are you ready to hear it? All of it?”
Her breath stutters as she prepares herself. She doesn’t need to know the specifics to know this is going to change her. And change, no matter what kind, is scary.
“Yeah, I want to know. I need to know.”
The door behind us—the one leading up to our apartments—opens, and I don’t have to turn around to know it’s Chuck finally listening to what Abbey shouted at him before she came running after me.
Abbey wipes her cheeks, her eyes trained on me for another moment before she looks over my shoulder.
“Everything okay here?” Chuck asks. I feel his presence behind me, but I can’t bring myself to look at him. Hearing theprotective bite to his words already has me on edge. I hate the jealousy coursing through me, but I never wanted protecting Abbey to be anyone’s job but mine.
“Yeah, everything’s fine.” Abbey glances at me quickly before looking back at Chuck. “This is Jude.”
I don’t need to see his face to know he understands exactly who I am to Abbey. The quick intake of breath and the lack of any other explanation is enough for me to know Abbey has shared exactly who I am.
“Got it. I guess I’ll be leaving then.” Chuck steps around me, his hand moving to her waist as he presses a kiss to her cheek again. “Have a good life, Abbey. You deserve it.” The words are said so quietly I know I wasn’t meant to hear them. The quick understanding makes it hard for me to hate him.
Without waiting for Abbey to say anything Chuck walks away, leaving Abbey and me staring at each other.
“Do you want to come up to my apartment so we can talk?” Abbey asks, her voice still choked with tears.
“Yeah,” I murmur, reaching out to wipe the lone tear that slips free. I don’t know if it’s intentional, but she leans into my touch, her eyes closing as if savoring the feel.
It’s a moment before she opens her eyes and takes my hand, leading me back into the building. We’re quiet as we make our way up the stairs and into her apartment. The warmth and feeling of home the second I step through the door is just as powerful tonight as it was the first time, and it doesn’t shock me in the slightest that I feel comfortable in Abbey’s space.
“I want to make it clear that Chuck and I aren’t in a relationship. I don’t know if that makes it better or worse, but I don’t want you to think that what almost happened last week?—”
“Abbey, you don’t have to explain it to me,” Iinterrupt. “I know I didn’t react well, but we’re divorced, you have every right to live your life however you want.”
“I know, but?—”
“Abs,” I plead. The fact that she stops and knows exactly what I mean from her name alone is evidence enough how well we still know each other.
“Okay. Then let’s start at the beginning. What really happened?”
twenty-four
ABBEY
I leftmy dad’s knowing I needed to talk to Jude, I just thought I’d have a little more time. I should’ve known Jude would be listening for me to come home.
Chuck showing up was not on my bingo card. It’s been two months since I’ve seen him and we’ve barely even exchanged texts over that time. I honestly thought we’d both moved on, but I guess that’s proof about what they say when you assume something.
No matter what, Chuck and I were casual. I have no doubt he’s slept with at least four other women over the last two months. I shouldn’t—and I don’t—feel bad for what happened last week. Especially since nothing will ever be casual between Jude and me.
I look at Jude, standing only a few feet in front of me, and feel like he’s miles away.
“I don’t know how to start.” Jude shifts his weight from foot to foot, as if deciding whether he should stay where he is by the door or move further into the apartment.
“How about I tell you what I think happened, and you tell me if I’m right?” At his slow nod, I swallow and start. “I think my dad threatened you somehow, and when I refused to listen to youtelling me you weren’t good enough and we needed a divorce, you decided the only way I’d give in was if I hated you.”
