Page 96 of The Strawberry Patch Pancake House
Her mom laughed and the sound was familiar and comforting. Her mom had a good laugh. ‘So, you called to tell me you’re okay and your job is fine.’
Iris sighed, somehow her mother still had her powers of mom perception, even long-distance.
‘Mom, did you want to be a mom?’
‘Of course, I did!’
‘Too fast of an answer, Mom. I want the truth. When you found out you were pregnant with me, were you happy? Or scared? Did you always dream about being a mom or was it an accident?’
‘Iris, honey, where is all this coming from? Are you pregnant?’
Iris started coughing and nearly choked on her spit. She rolled over, bringing her head back up onto the mattress.
‘God, no,’ she said when she’d caught her breath. ‘I just… I’ve just been thinking about it a lot lately.’
‘Oh.’
‘I’m not like going to judge you or anything. I’m just wondering how you felt at the time. I know you love me, and I always felt loved as a kid.’
She could feel her mother’s sigh through the phone. ‘Well, that’s a relief. I loved being your mom.’
‘I know.’
‘But if I’m being honest…’
Her mother paused for so long that Iris held the phone away from her ear to see if they’d been disconnected, but then her mother started speaking again.
‘I wasn’t married, obviously, and I had no intention of marrying your father. He wasn’t … the father type. So, yeah, I was scared, of course I was.’
‘I get that.’
‘Your aunt took me to the clinic, you know. She said she would help me with whatever I decided, and I did the same for her two months later… But in the end, I decided I wanted you. Even though I was still terrified.’
‘You were terrified?’
‘Of course! Every mother is. And if they say they aren’t, they’re lying. Motherhood is terrifying and complicated and not for everyone. But I never regretted my decision, even for a second, even when you refused to sleep between the hours of 2am and 4am for the first four months of your life.’
Iris let out a little laugh. ‘Sorry about that.’
‘Forgiven. Now, did I answer your question? Did that help?’
‘It did. Thanks.’
‘Good.’ She could hear her mother’s smile through the phone.
‘One more question.’
‘Wow, Iris! Are you writing a book about me?’
‘Not yet,’ Iris said, dryly. Lord knew, she had enough material to fill several volumes. ‘But have you ever been in love?’
Her mother didn’t hesitate this time and Iris wasn’t surprised by her answer. ‘Plenty of times.’
‘But you’ve never stayed with any of those men.’
Her mother blew out a long sigh. ‘Just because I loved them didn’t mean I could stand living with them.’
Iris’s heart sank. Was she like that, too? Would she tire of this relationship with Archer and hurt him and Olive in the process? She hated the idea of getting Olive’s hopes up about being a family and then squashing them. It had happened to her one too many times as a kid.
