Page 96 of The Christmas Tree Farm
‘Who’s driving?’ Jeanie asked.
‘Already called an Uber,’ Annie assured her with a hug.
‘I stopped drinking hours ago,’ Bennett said, pulling Kira up from the couch. She looked sleepy and grumpy and he wanted to carry her out to the car, but he’d never hear the end of that, so instead he led her to the door by her hand.
Coats and scarves and hats were donned as they wished each other Merry Christmas for the thousandth time that day, and they stumbled out onto the porch, the freezing night air shocking them into an unwelcome alertness.
‘Bye, Bennett, Bye, Kira!’ Hazel called as they made their way to the hired car.
‘Goodnight!’ Annie waved over her shoulder and Kira waved back.
‘Night!’
* * *
Bennett’s rental car was freezing cold when they got in and he really wished he’d thought to warm it up first. Kira sat with her shoulders hunched so high, her head had nearly disappeared inside her coat.
‘Should be warmer in a minute,’ he muttered, cranking the dials too high.
‘Okay.’ Her voice was quiet, small.
‘Did you have a good time?’ he asked as they pulled out of the driveway. The farmhouse twinkled with cozy lights behind them as they drove away. It filled Bennett with the melancholy that came with the ending of things: holidays, seasons, relationships.
Kira was looking out the window and he could see her face reflected in it.
‘I think it was my favorite Christmas ever.’
‘Then why do you sound so sad?’
She wiped a hand across her face, sniffling in a way that made Bennett want to tear the world down. She laughed a little, shaking her head.
‘You know, I’m trying really hard to be a good person here. I’m trying really hard not to ask you to stay, Bennett. I really am. But you are not making it easy. The fucking universe is not making it easy.’
‘Kira—’
‘No, nope. Don’t say anything. We had an agreement. You promised. I promised. So that’s it, okay? I’m not going to be selfish. I’m not going to ask you to give up your life for me.’
‘What if I want to?’
Her head whipped to face him as he drove. ‘You don’t want to.’
‘You’re going to tell me what I want now?’ Sadness was turning into frustration, into anger.
‘You can’t want to stay here! Maybe you think you do, but you don’t. You just want to … you just want to help me, or whatever. I’m like a baby deer on the side of the road and you want to pull over and rescue me, but you can’t, Bennett! You can’t. I have to learn to be a deer all on my own now. And you can’t fall back on old habits.’
‘Kira, you aren’t making sense.’
She growled in frustration and he pulled over. He couldn’t have this conversation not facing her. When he turned to her, she had tears streaming down her cheeks.Damn it.
‘I don’t think you’re a baby deer.’
She sniffled.
‘I think you’re a strong, smart, gorgeous woman.’
She shook her head. ‘Please … please don’t say things like that.’
‘Kira, what are you afraid of?’ What was he afraid of? Why had he agreed to this arrangement in the first place? Hedidfit in well here. He liked it here. He liked the people. He could be close to his family.
