Page 118 of Any Second Now
“I let her walk away.” I close my eyes and crinkle my face.
It’s so obvious now. She was pushing me away. I don’t give a fuck that she was sending her ex-husband money. She cared enough to help him because she’s a good person. When I asked her if she loved him, she told me no without hesitation. But she doesn’t trust herself to let herself go with me.
But I trust her.
I let her go because I’m scared of myself. Scared of who my father is and how I would treat someone like Raleigh.
If I could go back to when she said goodbye to me at the door to my building, I’d do it all over again. I’d refuse her goodbye and drag her inside—respectfully, of course—and make her understand that she can trust herself. That maybe she can help me trust myself.
But it’s too late for any of that.
“Want to get out of here and talk about it?”
I shake my head. What’s the point? I’m not going to have some stupid happily ever after like Kellen and my sister.
My phone pings in my pocket and I fish it out, too eager.
It’s Raleigh, and my heart leaps.
Raleigh
Thank you for the mural
I wait for more, but that’s it.
What am I supposed to say to that?
You’re welcome, I did it because I’m madly in love with you?
I love you, please don’t leave me?
Just… I love you?
I glance up and Harley is studying my face astutely. He’s the polar opposite of Barrett, with emotional intelligence too high for his own good.
And look where that got him.
Dumped, like the rest of us.
I love Raleigh Hayes.
Now that those words are in my head they feel so damn right. Painfully fucking right. But even if I had told her how I feel, even if I had realized it in time, I would’ve just come off as pathetic. She would still be leaving. Dealing with her ex-husband.
I’m the rebound after her second divorce. The third dude she’s ever slept with. Now she can check off a summer fling with a pro hockey player.
Then she can go look for her next husband. Or one of her ex-husbands.
I’m an asshole. I know it.
And that’s the point.
It’s who I am. Maybe Raleigh hurt me more than I hurt her this time, but it was inevitable I’d do it eventually.
No one would talk marriage to me.
Not ever.
I’m my father’s son.
