Page 120 of Any Second Now
“You heard me.”
“No, of course not…” my sentence trails off and I gaze back to the mural on the Pink Palace. Why bother lying to her? I’m desperate to talk about this with someone, and why not let it be my best friend and Atticus’s sister?
She waits while my eyes trace over the colorful strokes on the side of the RV.
I only now realize that my name is woven into the painting inthe most subtle way,Ra part of the chicken—which looks adorably like Megghen with her spikey white feathers—andaleighintegrated into the tall trees and swooping mountain. It’s like a Where’s Waldo of the letters of my name.
“Raleigh Durham. You’re crying.” Lucy steps forward and drapes her arm over my shoulders. Whenever she uses my old nickname, it makes me revert back to our college years. “Are you ready to talk about it?”
I don’t know what there is to talk about. What can Lucy say that I haven’t already worked through in my head?
“Yeah.”
“Let’s grab coffee in town. The jet lag is killing me and I missed Deep Roots.”
I wipe the tears from my cheeks and nod.
A half hour later, we are settled at a table at Deep Roots back in downtown Fort Collins.
I explain the last few weeks to Lucy and she listens carefully while sipping her vanilla oat milk latte. I leave out any mention of sex after the first face that Lucy made. She requested I give no further details on that aspect of me and Atticus.
“That’s a lot, Raleigh.”
“Yeah.” It feels so good to be face-to-face with one of my best friends instead of seeing her on a video call.
“I can’t believe Jacob came here. Think he really understands it’s over?”
I nod. I do. The emails and text messages and phone calls have all stopped. He went back to the East Coast. It’s only been a few days, but I believe it’s truly over.
“And you really think it’s done between you and my brother?”
“Yes.” I shrug, but my shoulders are tight and it’s more like a flinch. “What kind of future could we have? We’re not like youand Kellen were, you know. It’s not some big romantic love story.”
“Hmm.” Lucy makes an unconvinced face. “I mean, it’s notnota big romantic love story.”
“No.” I shake my head, thinking of the way the two of them fell in love last fall. It was truly special. “You don’t understand.”
“Try me.”
“Most of it’s probably in my head anyway. Do I really love him? Or am I just jumping on the first guy who pays attention to me post-divorce? That’s my pattern, you know.”
Lucy take a deep breath and nods.
“You have to take that into consideration, sure.”
“And I have a life to get back to.” Don’t I? Yes, I do. This sabbatical has been… something, but now it’s time to get back to my reality. “I need to drag my ass back to the East Coast.”
I think of the Pink Palace and the gorgeous mural on its side. What am I going to do with that big pile of scrap metal? Sell it? Live in it? Drive it off a cliff?
How do I not have a plan for that?
“There are other options, you know.” Lucy’s voice is soft and she watches me as she sips from her ceramic mug.
“Like what?” I narrow my eyes at my friend. I shouldn’t even entertain this conversation. Lucy doesn’t understand.
“A few questions first.”
“Ohh-kay.”
