Page 121 of Any Second Now
“One. Are you going to keep the house you and Jacob bought together as a married couple, filled with memories and ghosts of your failed relationship, or will you live somewhere else so you can move on with your life?” Lucy cocks her head.
“I feel like that’s a leading question.” I sigh. “Alright. I guess my plan is to sell it and live in an apartment or something.”
But that sounds awful. I don’t want to live in a sad one-bedroom apartment in Connecticut.
“Cool cool, so no great housing roots there.” Lucy taps her lipswith her pointer finger. “Second—your pharmacy job is waiting for you, yes?”
“Yup. Talked to my manager yesterday.” After avoiding even listening to Stacey’s voicemail, I forced myself to call her back. She was checking in on how my sabbatical has been and confirming my return date.
“Great.” Lucy takes a deep breath through her nose.
What’s her game here?
“I just need to show up two weeks from tomorrow.” My voice hitches on the last word.
Lucy blinks at me. I clear my throat.
“Don’t you work at a chain pharmacy?” Lucy tilts her head.
“You know I do.”
“Don’t they also have branches here in Fort Collins?” Lucy nods. “Like a bunch?”
Yup. There are at least three locations around Fort Collins.
And now I understand exactly what Lucy’s getting at.
“Are you seriously suggesting I stay here?” She’s gotta be out of her mind. I scrunch my face and squeeze my eyes shut. I won’t even let myself picture that. It’s not a reasonable option for me.
Definitely not on the spreadsheet.
But didn’t I delete the spreadsheets?
“I mean, yeah, Raleigh, I kind of am.”
“That’s not what I came here for. That’s not who I am.” I open my eyes and focus on my coffee. “I left Connecticut thinking I could be someone else. Someone more interesting, exciting, whatever. But that’s just not me.” Talking to Jacob the other day made me realize it. I’ve been playing a part out here, trying out different versions of myself, and it just hasn’t worked. Chicken Mama. Kayak Warrior. RV Adventurer. Cross-Stitch Lady.
Puck Bunny?
“I’m gonna return to Connecticut and go back to work. And I won’t have time to do cross-stitch or take care of chickens.”
Again with the voice hitching.
“Okay,” Lucy says, nodding her head. “I can see that.”
But I don’t know if shedoessee that. Why should she? Her life has proven otherwise. She gave up so much live in Fort Collins. Sure, she stayed for an amazing job and a hunky, sweet dude, but that’s not me.
She’s clearly got some serious opinions about where my life is headed. Where it should be headed.
And I don’t want to hear it.
Still, the idea of packing my shit up and driving away from Fort Collins in my pink RV turns my stomach.
I groan and drop my head into my hands.
“Raleigh? You okay?”
“I’m fine,” I say, but it’s muffled. I lift my head up and plaster on a smile. “Can we talk about your trip now, instead? How’s January doing? I can’t believe you hung out without me for weeks!”
