Page 125 of Since We're Here
The band breaks and much softer music sounds out of the speakers. Patrick and Oliver return with another round of pints and glasses of red wine, and as soon as they’re settled, Reese clears her throat.
“Hey, so Oliver and I have something to tell you guys.”
The rest of us perk up.
“You can’t be pregnant,” Stella says. “Because I’ve seen you drink about a dozen glasses of wine on this trip.”
I laugh at Stella’s joke, but note Reese barely chuckles before biting her lip.
“What, Reese?” I glance quickly at Oliver, then back to my oldest sister.
“This summer, after the wedding, we’re going to move to Scotland to be near Oliver’s son.”
Stella and I both gasp and everyone is quiet for a beat.
“You’ll be so close.” Stella breaks the silence and reaches over to grab Reese’s hand. “A train ride away.”
My insides twist and an array of emotions bleed from my heart. Good for them, just being a train ride away.But where does that leave me?I hate how selfish I feel. I should be supportive. Happy for her.
“Lucas is twelve, and I want to be closer to my son. I’ve been gone for near two years,” Oliver explains.
Patrick is nodding. How dare he be understanding to his friend while my life feels upended once again?
“And Chelsea’s off to college in the fall, so she’s not going to be living at home.” Reese takes Oliver’s hand and squeezes.
I press my lips together and attempt to swallow, but there’s a giant fucking rock in my throat. Everything is changing, and I’m still just me. Maybe I feel like I figured things out, but what if I’ve learned nothing?
“I’m keeping my house as a home base.” Reese turns to me. “And I was hoping you’d live there, Maddie, when you go back to Jersey.”
“Oh,” I say, my stomach dropping at the idea of living in Reese’s house all by myself. “Okay.”
“We’ll come back a lot,” Reese continues, the words pouring out of her, her eyes on me. “To see Mom. And during Chelsea’sschool breaks. You’ll have her as a roommate then. We’ll also try to get her to Scotland as much as possible.”
“My old coach from when I was a kid runs a professional women’s football club. He’s been bugging me to get Chelsea to come try out.”
That sounds just perfect for Chelsea. For Reese. And Oliver.
Oliver goes on to tell us about his charming hometown of Stirling, a small city northwest of Edinburgh where Lucas lives with his mother, but I tune them out. I’ve heard him talk about this a hundred times.
For all her talk of me not telling her about breaking up with Blue, going to Ireland, and dropping out of the hospitality program, Reese hadn’t told me or Stella about this huge decision.
Everyone has their own lives, their own plans for the future. Everyone except me. As good as I was feeling earlier, all I have to show for my time here are a few flimsy revelations.
I should’ve been living my life on my terms all along. Not caring what anyone else thinks. Not leaving good jobs because of men.
I make the mistake of looking across the table, and my eyes meet Patrick’s. We stare at each other, as if connected by an unbreakable but hopeless connection, terrifying and impossible, like the swaying bridge earlier today.
The band starts up again and the music is too loud, the pub too crowded, and I need a minute.
I love him. I want him. But I can’t have him.
I stand and head to the restroom, but a hand on my shoulder stops me.
“Mads. The offer to live at the house is real.” It’s Reese, and she wraps her fingers around my biceps and looks right in my eyes.
“You didn’t tell us. Over the last few days, all the time we spent together, all the things we talked about, but you kept this a secret.” It’s a statement of fact.
And I’m kind of mad.
