Page 117 of Since We're Here
How’s Maddie?
Me
Why don’t you ask Maddie as I’m sure you’re texting her too
Saoirse
Talk to her. Like for real talk to her
But why, when I can just pretend nothing’s wrong?
Noreen stopped by the pub on Thursday afternoon. She apologized for telling Maddie about our history. I shrugged it off, but then she kept talking.I shouldn’t have been so hard on you back then,she said.I remember saying really awful things, even though I didn’t mean to. You are full of life and heart, Patrick. I hope you know that.
It’s remarkable that in the past few weeks, both Cara and Noreen have given me their sides of our relationships. Cara’s confessions made me spiral, a precursor to the final fight I had with Maddie.
All because Maddie used the wordadventure.
But wasn’t that whatshewas tome? When I got to know her in Dingle? Kissed her? Loved her, even if she didn’t know?
Maddie was my adventure.
I wasted it. I lost her.
I groan and shut my eyes. I cannot bear to feel this way for the next twelve days.
Me
I’d rather just come home
My mobile rings in my hand. The bartender is staring at me expectantly, so I pass her my credit card.
“Yeah?” I answer the call.
“You are not coming home. Don’t be a baby.”
“Saoirse . . .”
“You helped Maddie plan this road trip, and you have the chance to not only hang out with your best friend, but also make things right with Maddie. Even if you don’t end up together?—”
“We’re not going to end up together.” Frustration laces my voice. It’s impossible. Everyone knows that.
“Okay. Sure. But stop being awkward. Leave things on a good note. Be Irish and have some craic, if you can possibly manage to let yourself. Then, when you see her at the wedding this summer, it won’t be so painful.”
I look across the bar and watch Maddie throw her head back and laugh at something Stella says, then return her gaze back to her sister with interest and affection.
To have her look at me like that. Laugh at something I say. I laughed more with her in that month she was in Dingle than I have in years. I had her in my life. Then I chased her away. On purpose.
“Pat? Are you there?”
“Yeah, I’m here.” I sign an iPad with my finger and accept my credit card from the bartender.
“Pull it together. Everything is fine here. I’ll stop by the brewery tomorrow, like I promised. Take some time to sort out what’s inside your soul. Talk to Maddie. Figure out how you really feel. Tell her. Please, for all our sakes. You’re driving me crazy.”
I nod, but she can’t see me. My sister clicks off.
I already know how I really feel. I’m in love with Maddie.
But there’s no way I’ll tell Saoirse or anyone else that.
